Men don't leave their family for no reason?

[Havethewishiwishtonight]

AIBU to think that a man wouldn't leave his marriage, children, home and comfortable lifestyle for no good reason? There would have to be some major problem, ow, etc before 99% of men would do this?

Oh do bore off @moodance you are sounding more bitter and angry and ridiculous with every post you put on here.

You deny it, but I reckon you are a mistress of a married man... Won't he leave his wife for you? Despite him hating her coz she has got fat and dull and boring and is an old hag now? Maybe he likes her (and loves her) a LOT more than he is letting on. And that's why he won't leave her for you.........

Awwwww what a shame. Have some tissues !!! 😂😂😂

Theycouldhavechoseneve, there isn't a "type of person" that does drugs, people can be swayed.

LeahJack, this thread is about Men who also abandon their children, not just leave a relationship. I've known previously good dads, the do night feeds/take them to school/hobbies type of Dads, that have done that.

The question is, why don't Men bond with their children enough to put them in front of their own selfish needs/wants.

I've done a lot of reading about Concentration camps/ghettos and they've all said that the Fathers were prepared to steal food off children, whilst the Mothers went without, to feed them. Likewise at times of crisis, the refugee centers are often full of Mothers and children because the Fathers have abandoned them.

araiwa, we are taking about leaving the Family home and no longer being a Parent.

I am aware of man leaving a relationship and asking for 50/50 access to children but it is denied.

If 50/50 is denied it's probably because the mother has been the primary caregiver - quite possibly to the extent that she was doing everything for the children - and family courts like continuity and security for children.

@moodance Whatever you are, you sound bitter and mean and angry.

Sucks for you.

Hope you find happiness one day. It's not nice or good to be so full of bitterness and bile.

Another one here whose H left her for the OW. And sees his kids for a couple of hours once a fortnight.
In his eyes I had got fat (I still wear skirts that are 10 years old that fit comfortably), I only worked v part time (when I was offered more hours he told me not to take them as we would lose all the pay on tax), I dominated the relationship with the kids (well someone had to parent the kids since you were too busy sending dick pics to the OW!).

So in my well designed study of one man he only left when I chucked him out cause I found out he’d been shagging her for 18 months

The man would rather leave the relationship not see their children then to be in a relationship with someone they don't love
It's about what makes you MORE unhappy though. If leaving DH meant seeing DS for 2 days in 14 then staying and being with DS would make me less unhappy. If we could do 50/50 I'd still have to be very usually with DH to give that time up. Being away from him would make me too sad.
If w we're screaming / fighting in front of him then that's different and if abusive I'd take him.
But I wouldn't give io 12/14 or more days with my child for a lack of sex and not really getting on

Obviously when posters talk about men just pissing off and losing touch with their kids they are not meaning you, as that’s not your situation. Plenty of men do do that, though

I cannot understand how any man can do that. I do know men who rarely see their kids. I managed to get a house as close as I could to DS and have worked part time / variable hours so I could be a massive part of his life.

I don't understand how a man can move far away and lose contact.

(But there are times when my ex and I are very happy to hand DS back though )

@user1245125 exactly - of course there are men like you. I know someone who HASN'T left in a similar dynamic cos of the child, and it's had a terrible effect on his mental health. I think it's especially hard for people in situations which don't fit people's assumptions.

I think that the hard thing is for women, is that when men leave, they do basically seem to get rewarded for fecklessness. The decent men are the ones it is awful for.

Very odd thread, I find the generalisations astounding.

Why can't people accept that people fall out of love and would rather leave then stay in a marriage which makes them unhappy

It is generally said that the children of an irremediably unhappy marriage are better off if their parents separate, but here men are getting stick for leaving.

moodance of course no-one should stay in a relationship in which they are consistently deeply unhappy over an extended period of time.

Howver, if someone decides to leave because they’re jealous of their own fecking baby, or they can’t be bothered changing the nappies of the child they’re 50% responsible for creating, or their wife got older, as all people get older... then that person is a prick.

Coyoacan men are getting stick for then not being good and present fathers

As most women are not faced with leave marriage=see kids EOW I don't think thats a conclusion you can draw.

I don't think she meant from that angle. There have been plenty of mothers on here afraid to leave their husbands in case the fathers might get 50/50, EW, or even EOW. They would rather stay in an abusive situation with a man they're afraid of to than take the risk of a court deciding he can see the dc's without supervision and what that might mean.

I’m another one who has never known a man leave his marriage without OW lined up.

There's always a reason. The reason can be the result of a long, dramatic epic, or it can simply be, "I woke up today and realized I don't want to be married with kids anymore, so, see ya."

Agree agree agree

Another one not known any man to leave without a OW in the shadows

Tend to agree, they need a replacement mother in line.

fourpawswhite

Family Court solicitor here. 15 years practising. On day 1, boss said to me a man will never ever leave unless he has someone else to go to.

15 years later, I have yet to see a man leave without there being another person to go to.

Now, I am sure occasionally it happens!! but I have never ever come across it. Even the cases where they swear blind there is nobody else, it later emerges there is somebody else.

The most interesting objective post of all

This is a weird thread.

Obviously everyone has some reason for their actions. Whether it's good oe not is another matter and often subjective.

That’s the point though Birds, the type of person who does drugs is the type of person who can be swayed. I’d avoid a swayer (or swayee?) on the grounds they’d be unreliable whether that be relating to drugs or something entirely different.

There's always a reason usually someone without her knickers

I met my DP 18 months after he split from his ExW (3 DCs) and his ExW was convinced I was the OW I felt sorry for her at first and tried to reason it - if my marriage had “failed” (her description of it) and I could find a reason why it wasn’t my fault, I’d grab it with both hands. But what I mistook for legitimate emotion, was infact just unreasonableness.

What I would love to tell her one day is - the only woman involved in the ending of her marriage was her.

I'd run away screaming from any divorced man with a bitter or bewildered ex wife and a child or two somewhere in the nebulous background so I can't understand OW whom really think they've won any sort of prize when they finally 'go public' with aforementioned man.

Neither do women. There is usually a good reason to leave a relationship, especially a commited one with children.

Saying men only leave for another woman is pretty insulting. I know of a man who left his partner because she was cheating on him.

I don't think anyone would have a problem with men leaving, if they continued to properly financially support the family they helped create and didn't tend to piss off and then do everything they can to get put of paying what it actually costs to house and feed their kids. And if they continued to actively parent. For too many men, leavong their marriage = leaving their kids!