Men don't leave their family for no reason?

[Havethewishiwishtonight]

AIBU to think that a man wouldn't leave his marriage, children, home and comfortable lifestyle for no good reason? There would have to be some major problem, ow, etc before 99% of men would do this?

jackieyousmellnice it's been said, but the "something wrong" is usually either because they are too, lazy/disconnected/pathetic to hack family life. Nothing to do with the Partner.

Cherchez la femme

@jackieyousmellnice
You are right. In my case this is what was wrong at home:

• a dirty house, where plates could stay unwashed for 24 hours and more
• mealtimes being quick and unenjoyable, with lack of meaningful communication
• no joint holidays in de-stressing exotic locations for two years
• limited sex life with no affection or warmth between the spouses

Also there were a 2 y.o. and a 6m.o., a wife with a full time stressful job, no family or friends around, and just after plastic pelvic surgery for the birth trauma.
The bullet point list is from his divorce petition; surprisingly, it does not mention a 22 year old yoga instructor that he "met" the next day after the petition, and immediately decided to move together :D

Sometimes it really IS as simple as he is just a selfish git who cannot hack the responsibility of being married with kids.

Funny how men seem to find it so easy to just walk away from their responsibilities/ wife/children. And it's often another woman, (as a pp said, men are too cowardly to leave with nowhere else to go/no-one else to turn to.)

And he will usually leave for a pathetic reason, like he is 'stressed' (like the wife ISN'T!) and the marriage was on the rocks, coz she 'pays more attention to the kids than me,' and 'she isn't the woman I married.... etc etc.' God forbid a woman takes off and leaves the kids though. She would be classed as evil itself.

I have seen many a man just pack a couple of suitcases and piss off with his OW.

Funny how they never seem to even attempt to take the kids though. Probably get in the way of their fun and games and shagging and entertaining other women!

I know a few couples right now where the man has buggared off with another woman, and left the wife and kids, and then a year or so down the line things weren't so great with the OW, and he sees his ex with another man (who she met after he left her,) and he tries to get custody of the kids. In most cases though, the kids think he is a cunt and don't want to be with him.

I also know a few men who have pissed off and had hardly ANYthing to do with the kids after.

Utter bastards! As I said, it proper fucks me off that men find it so easy to walk away from their children. Good job women don't find it so easy. And I hope no-one comes up with 'I know this woman and that woman who left her kids' garble, coz most women don't! Men do though!

Question ... if wife has pregnancy belly and just becomes fat ... and the man doesn't want to sleep with her .... is that the man fault? Should the man wear beer googles to sleep with his wife

The man should have the brains to realise that a woman's body takes a serious hit from childbirth and that getting back in shape may not be top of her priorities when she's got a baby/child to care for.

I can't believe you're even asking the question TBH, unless you're a fuckwit man who left his wife for that reason and you're trying to justify your complete selfishness.

Question ... if wife has pregnancy belly and just becomes fat ... and the man doesn't want to sleep with her .... is that the man fault?

I mean... yes? It obviously is? It’s 50% his fault. He got her pregnant.

I don’t expect him to “wear beer goggles”, just to be an adult, think with his brain instead of his dick and realise that maybe sex doesn’t have to be his number one priority in EVERY situation and a few months without it won’t kill him.

if a man feels unloved because of a new child is that the mans fault?

Yes, if he’s so immature and self-centred he’s competing with a baby I would consider that his fault.

For instance, would a man really leave everything simply because he was 'unhappy'. I don't think so.

Yep. They do. So do women. There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about staying together for the kids and a lot of posters were on there saying they left because they wanted better sex or their spouse felt like a sibling or there was no spark.

Plenty of people male and female do it. We live in a society where everybody is instagramming and facebooking and putting their best lives on display. And a lot of people feel like every day should be glamorous and every relationship should be full of romance.

But the reality is that most of us spend most of our time working, putting out the bins, doing the washing, have less than perfectly behaved kids, ups and downs in our relationships and spend a lot of the time doing boring or humdrum things.

That doesn’t stop some people thinking the grass is greener and chasing an unattainable dream.

Sure if a man decides to leave and there are children ... and he requests 50/50 care and mets the expectations of child support ... would that be okay?

Obviously that’s a reasonable set-up. Not sure what you’re asking.

You sound male. And kind of silly.

"Sure if a man decides to leave and there are children ... and he requests 50/50 care and mets the expectations of child support ... would that be okay?"

People are entitled to end relationships, as long as they aren't dropping the ex Partner in the shit, after pretending everything's OK, or actively lying, then of course, it's OK.

I've known Fathers of IVF baby's to just fuck off and never look back. So they certainly can't say that the pregnancy wasn't wanted, or an accident.

I've known a few Men, who admit that it was all their fault, they needed to grow up and get less selfish. Some men don't grow up until they are in their late 40's. I'm 51 and I see that happen in my friends/drinking circle/acquaintances.

Most people who leave marriages/families do so because they feel they are getting a worse deal than their partner.

Or convince themselves of that and rewrite history so that they can sail off with their OW guilt free?

Some men will drop their wives and children because a new and receptive woman comes along, and that's about as deep as it gets. I wonder how many of the men who believe they are getting a worse deal than their partner actually have the worse deal... From knowing people in real life and reading threads on this forum I'd guess very few.

Then he was never the man his wife believed him to be. I suspect signs of his fickleness would have always been there

Perhaps, perhaps not. Many on MN seem to be totally blindsided when their husbands show their true colours.

LeahJack, you mix in a very unusual circle if you know Women just leaving their children with their Partner and not still be a Mother to them.

I agreee i've never known a man to leave unless he has someone else lined up.

True. And doesn't this prove what so many of us say - that relationships tend to be so much more beneficial to men than to women?

Which, of course, is the opposite of what women are told. Women are told that they need a man and that marriage is the greatest goal in their lives. Men by contrast are told that relationships tie them down. Yet twice as many divorces are initiated by women as by men, and women seem to do a lot better when single than men do.

Yet it's women who need relationships more?

Usually OW or asked to leave.

However do know one case he left with no OW - mid argument about money one of many. Went home to his Mum's and went back to single life out every weekend - left his long term DP with his baby and toddler and just washed his hands of parenthood. His DP was shocked as he'd been a hands on Dad before that.

If a man wants to leave because his wife has a bit of a preggy belly and is a bit more 'curvy' now and isn't giving him a shag 5 times a week now (but only once,) then he can gladly fuck off.

A woman will have a much better life without a selfish twat like that in her life anyway.

If your partner is shagging someone else generally there is something wrong at home. Yeah, usually that she has married a selfish self obsessed cheating lying arsehole.

Ime most cheaters are happy in their marriage, they just want some fun on the side. Otherwise, why do they lie when they are found out? Why do they beg forgiveness and to try again?

My personal favourite was a friend of my parents. His wife found out about the affair and kicked him out, he was heartbroken. He then dumped the other woman because he was furious with herfor being responsible for his marriage ending. Beggars belief. Mum mentions him occasionally, he hasnt had a successful relationship since his marriage ended 20 odd years ago, he never got over losing his wife, who remarried very happily btw :)

"Then he was never the man his wife believed him to be. I suspect signs of his fickleness would have always been there"

I've known Men to completely change, for a variety of reasons. For another one of my Son-In-Laws it was going to a gym were a lot of drug taking and Womanising was going on and he turned 30 and thought life was passing him by.

If a Man's friends suddenly become single,it can change his frame of mind. Men tend to be easily influenced by other Men.

@Icedpurple EXCELLENT post ^

Great post by @pyongkipperbang too

IcedPurple, yep. It pisses me off that Women who decide to stay single, but have fuckbuddies, ONS etc are seen as sad and lacking.

Thread summary-

Men leave women because men are bastards
Women leave men because men are bastards

I was effectively 'told' to leave, so I left.
Moved to a different country where I know nobody. EX of 28 years made no sense (having been perfectly logical for 27 of the years) so it was not worthwhile contesting it.

Yep, it's amazing how many men 'meet' the new love of their life within a couple of months of moving out of the family home. Almost as if there might have been someone waiting patiently in the wings (generally getting pissed off as he dithers and pretends to go back and try "one last time")

And the poor bugger he married, thinking he's actually working on their marriage while all the time it's a pretence to cover his arse. Seen it too many times

@SlothSlothSloth ... I was asking a question because I am aware of man leaving a relationship and asking for 50/50 access to children but it is denied. The man would rather leave the relationship not see their children then to be in a relationship with someone they don't love ... but the way the posters are carrying on ... they expect men to stay in a relationship .. because they were stupid enough to marry a battle hag.