Ungrateful kid-gutted

[Miladamermalada]

Todays my sons birthday hes 14
Am single mum he had a party got loads of presents.
Wanted an xbox earphones and games. I skint myself to get thes and i mean skint. Ive no food bin bags nothing.
Hes just opened the xbox before anything else and thrown the wrapper on the floor in a strop and refused to speak. Apparently its the wrong one.
I usually take photos as they open presents but im so disgusted Ive come to bed crying.
I must have spent 500 quid.
Never again.
Ive raised entitled little bastards. His brother-also barged in my bedroom demanding to know where his tie was at 06 00. I have chronic illness and said he cant come in but he can knock after 7.
Aibu to ask where i have gone wrong.

Each do their own arrangements and there maybe more to your current arrangements, but the girls sharing a room with you while the boys have a room each sends a signal to the boy that their worth exceeds yours.

You AND your daughters share a room so he gets his own? This can’t be for real. He’s a teenager, not the messiah! Sort your priorities out!

That's a lot of money even if it does include the party.
My dd just turned 10, she got £50 cash because she wanted to go clothes shopping and I bought a load of nic nacks from the £ shop for her to unwrap on the day. I've really scaled down birthdays and christmas because of how ungrateful the kids were and they seem to enjoy it all much more now.

Really sorry it's had this reaction. it's so disappointing when you hsve put all that effort in.

OP, today's a new day, and a new way of thinking for you.
Take it back, regardless of whether or not you get paid on Saturday, he needs to learn a hard lesson, be wise and take this opportunity.
If you must replace it with something, get him a larger, second hand television.
Take back your power OP, whilst you still can.🌸

if you dont want him to be a entitled little shit quit enabling it, remove and return ( or remove and make him earn it back ) AND take the bloody bedroom back, kids can share rooms you as a adult and mum need privacy and a place to recharge and be alone!
start being mum not their friend!

You went too far with the presents/party etc, blowing £500 that you can't afford was always going to end in tears. Even if he had 'plastered on a smile' you would still have been disappointed, no reaction is going to be big enough to make up for that expense.

Are you trying to compensate for something with him? Some lack? I can't understand otherwise why you would go so overboard on this, it's not doing him any good as you have unpleasantly discovered.

Don't take it back, you gave it as a present, but this seems a very good starting point for making serious parenting changes.

Another vote for returning it, although only you know whether this kind of nuclear option is the right course of action - I know it's easy for all of us to say it from behind our keyboards when we're not dealing with the slamming about the whole time.

DEFINITELY don't move bloody rooms though. No bigger TV either.

Hang on, op has four kids and a two bedroom house.

Hi all, just to share a comment I heard from a close-friend teenager DD. Nice kid and doing well at school. What's interesting is this..

Once she commented, all those things parents did her when she was younger, she don't really feel and/or recall much; trips, presents, parties, nice food, and not to mention the things she didnt see (all those hard work, making money, keeping home together, getting them good school etc etc.). Not that she is not aware, it's just doesnt feel much.

It's just a casual comment from her. But food for thought... !

Parents are either over-doing it or kids are too young/given too much to appreciate what they have...

Yes, agree with others, send the Xbox back.

Another thing to share. I too bought a Xbox last Xmas for my son. I asked him to research and justify what was the best price/features he thinks best. And he has to pay extra on top of what I have budgeted (from his pocket money savings). Hope this helps for him to appreciate it better.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Take the console back.

1. If he has any extras (e.g. phone, computer privileges) those are GONE for a month at least.

1. He gets a mattress on the floor, or the couch, with some blankets, also for at least a month.

1. He gets basic meals and basic clothes. No treats, no extras.

1. You might look into seeing if it's possible for him to do so some volunteer work for the less fortunate.

He needs to learn some gratitude.

So it was the game he was upset about? Was he grateful for the console then or did it not get that far?
I’d have a serious talk with him about how bloody ungrateful he is and then tell him you’re selling the game on eBay and will be keeping the money, he can save for whatever the correct game is. I’d then tell him that this is the final straw at how embarrassing and awful his behaviour is. You will be moving him back into the bedroom with bjs brother so that you, the providing adult, has their own room. He can help you move all the stuff around.
In future you need to budget that all birthdays are roughly the same but set that buwdget much lower. You can’t spend £500 each on 4 kids, and you can’t spend more on one than the others.
Good luck with the bedroom move - do it today too!

His priorities are wrong because yours are, going without essentials to pay for a non essential is ridiculous. Next time, contribute to big ticket items with the expectation that they will contribute too. The amount of stuff DD suddenly didn’t want so much when she was expected to part fund them is legendary. I suspect his behaviour isn’t new, which begs the question, why do you keep indulging him but keep expecting a different result. I totally understand that you may be compensating for stuff you think he’s missing out on but indulging can’t fill that perceived hole.

I don’t mean to kick you when you’re down but his attitude didn’t come from nowhere. Dry your tears and tell him his behaviour was appalling and his attitude makes the likelihood of a repeat of such generosity slim to none. However, you have to own the sacrifice you chose to make to fund his present.

Perhaps the op cannot return it and get her money back. Sometimes it is just a credit note given for returns.

OP this isn't normal you know. Without sounding like a knob, DH and I both earn six figure salaries and DS2 who has a birthday on Monday isn't getting anything like £500 spent on him. It will be about £250 in total (including party). Your DS has to learn to manage his expectations. Going without food and essentials is crazy.

I'd put it to one side and see how he reacts. If he apologises appropriately and genuinely seems contrite I would possibly still let him have the X Box but return that particular game and make him save for it (or pay you the equivalent to buy it from you), explaining that this is the consequence of his appalling behaviour.

A family of 5 in two rooms sounds tough.
I am sorry your son wasnt grateful for something nice you tried to do.
I am sure he will appreciate everything you do for them as he gets older and matures.
It isnt easy this parenting lark.

How can he contribute at 14?

Obviously you have no savings if you can't buy food or even bin bags yet thought it was a wise idea to blow £500 on a birthday?

Return as much as you can, buy food and maybe use the rest far more wisely. In the bedroom thread, your two year old is still in a travel cot rather than a proper bed. Your priorities are all wrong.

Then sit him down and tell him how many hours work were needed to fund it etc so he stars to know the value of money.

I'd echo other posters; you're spending too much money on him and he's getting used to having too much.

If it was me, the console would go back. In future, treats would be earned by respectful behaviour and helpfulness round the house.

When mine started to get a bit entitled it was always a signal to me they were getting too much and to give less in future. I have late teen/ young adult DC, so I've been through this age. I'm not just talking hypothetically.

Mine did get consoles/ phones occasionally BUT they had to make the choice, console and no other presents/ party or other stuff or save for it themselves. It was made very clear it was a huge sacrifice for us to afford it as they knew they had to be grateful. It worked well as youngest DC got a job at 15 and saved up for a gaming PC.
It's too much to do what you did for your DS - it leads to a sense of entitlement.

You really do need to nip this in the bud now. Give less, expect more.

Let him see you're upset and decide a consequence which you stick too!

Dh and I are comfortably off but still don't spend £500 on birthdays. You don't have to. I'm looking at buying dtds a gift that's £350 between them and that feels like a lot but I know it'll get used and enjoyed. Their Christmas gifts will be smaller though to balance out. Everyone sets a budget and you need to think about what you can afford not what you want to afford.

I wouldn't do the bedroom move today, things are already too fraught. It needs to be done calmly and with rational explanation or it will descend into another horrible row causing more stress and tears.

£500 is bonkers. Do you spend that much on all of them? Would it not make more sense to save that money an emergency fund or two grand could pay for a brilliant holiday. I've got four kids and spend about 50 quid on each of them.

I would take the Xbox back as he's acted in a disgusting manner.

If I knew I'd made my mother cry a few years ago as a teenager i would have felt so awful, I was always grateful for whatever present i was given.

Also £500 is way too much for a 14th birthday, or any birthday really if money is tight.

I hope you can get the money back

Im using carrier bags for rubbish and oddments out the cupboard. Hes off on a school trip next month that i need to pack for.
Ive said no more trips games anything.
I took them away and all they did was moan and ruin it.
I just wake up every day and think not again. Dont enjoy birthdays or xmas just me slogging to provide stuff.
I never get a card of any of them they dont even know when it is.
I know this is my fault i need to stop as im making monsters.

Sorry OP what you thought was gong to be a happy morning has turned like this. I have a 14 ds too so know what they are like!

But bloody hell I spoil my ds's- always have done. But £500 for a birthday! Ours have a main present or a party- never both. A main present is £100 for birthdays. The thing is you've set it that the others will expect similiar for theirs too. Never go without so they can have an expensive gift. They'll remember no food in the house far longer than an electrical gift.

I just can't get over spending that much on a 'normal' birthday. We were comfortably off and parents spent £50 on birthdays, £50 on Christmas unless it was a special birthday like 16th, 18th etc.

It's even more ridiculous to spend that much when it's obvious you can't afford it. Your kid must know you're not rolling in money, his response was absolutely disgraceful and I'd also be taking the console back