Ungrateful kid-gutted

[Miladamermalada]

Todays my sons birthday hes 14
Am single mum he had a party got loads of presents.
Wanted an xbox earphones and games. I skint myself to get thes and i mean skint. Ive no food bin bags nothing.
Hes just opened the xbox before anything else and thrown the wrapper on the floor in a strop and refused to speak. Apparently its the wrong one.
I usually take photos as they open presents but im so disgusted Ive come to bed crying.
I must have spent 500 quid.
Never again.
Ive raised entitled little bastards. His brother-also barged in my bedroom demanding to know where his tie was at 06 00. I have chronic illness and said he cant come in but he can knock after 7.
Aibu to ask where i have gone wrong.

All those saying 'get a job' at 14, really? It's very hard to get a job at that age, and given the home is somewhat chaotic and he's likely to be sharing with his brother with autism and needs space to do his homework and to be supported at school. I'd be far more concerned with his mum getting more mental health support/going back to the drs about that support (as it does all seem a bit extreme with the no food and £500 spent on one child) and him being supported in school.

It's easy to huff and puff over his ingratitude, but it does seem like his life has't been and isn't ideal (sharing age 14 is going to be hard) and I think seeking support for him, through school, through clubs/athletics, may be much more productive than insisting he 'get a job' (as really, who wants to employ sulky 14 year olds?)

Kids and technologhy - my daughter wanted a laptop so she combined her birthday money a long side her Christmas money for us, GP and aunties and uncles.

Not hard.

They wanted an Xbox. They bought a second hand one together from money they earnt from their Saturday jobs.

They want something they that’s not essential then they need to save or sell things or earn things. One DD likes branded clothes she buys in the sales, wears them as long as she wants and the sells via eBay facebook or other sites.

Money doesn’t grow on trees and it’s important for kids to learn that and also understand that not everyone has the same amount.

I think there has been a massive build up of excitement followed by a sudden disappointment where the game is concerned. He’s a teenager. Full of hormones. Doesn’t excuse his behaviour but I wouldn’t return console

Nearly all the 13-15 year olds I know have a job. Either Saturday or evening. and most get paid well for doing it. Plenty of options round here - cafes, hotels, old people’s homes etc.

cafes, hotels, old people’s homes etc

Doing what exactly? Where I live those jobs would require a minimum age of 18 to even be considered and often ask for 1 years experience.

I agree with those erring caution. Kids this age who are suddenly thwarted can get into all sorts of trouble. They won't just step back and realise how unreasonable they've been; they'll think they've been wronged and before you know it they'll be hanging with types who are all too ready to stoke you up about how your parents are and your mates so much better.

I did have a similar incident at Christmas with my 14-year-old. She wanted a particular perfume (yes, yes...I know) and I bought it, had it gift-wrapped and eagerly awaited her reaction. Bomb. It was the wrong one . Stink de Nuit as opposed to Stink du Jour or whatever. She didn't say anything, just did the face . There was no row but there was some iciness in the air for a while as we both felt we were the wronged party.

For God's sake the OP said something thoughtless. Boo Hoo. Trust me, he will get over it.

Nearly all the 13-15 year olds I know have a job. Either Saturday or evening. and most get paid well for doing it. Plenty of options round here - cafes, hotels, old people’s homes etc

Really? I know probably 20 14 year olds and not one has a paid job at the moment. Voluntary work, mine do that as charity shops will take them at 14, also animal shelters. They can't work age 13-15 in old people's homes! They would have to be vetted!

There are not lots of options for 13-15 year olds to be employed any more and most employers don't like employing under 16's as they are classed as 'vulnerable'. I did aged 13 in a local cafe, but this has died out. I haven't been in a cafe/restaurant and been served by a very young girl or boy for a long time.

I think you may be thinking of your youth, where people put cards in windows and you could walk into a job within an hour, I also did chambermaiding, cleaning etc. Again, not jobs where 13-15 year olds are now employed.

Babysitting yes- but I bet there won't be that many takers for a 14 year old male babysitter, for a myriad of reasons.

Washing pots, serving, waiting on.

No slightly older my two cook.

Both of my DDs worked on a Saturday since 13

All of their friends work.

Kids and technologhy - my daughter wanted a laptop so she combined her birthday money a long side her Christmas money for us, GP and aunties and uncles

That’s kind of the point. Not all kids have extended family like that. Mine didn’t.

I know where I live a 14yr old would struggle to get a job. There’s plenty of adults willing to do all the jobs that have been suggested for minimum wage (or less) so why would they hire a 14 year old?

Your teenagers work, legally and in the UK?

It's actually very bad for teenagers that they can't get employment til they are older. Having a job/having to turn up on time/working to goals/having your own independent money is an excellent thing. My children would love to have a part-time job in a shop (they are 13/14) or cafe and I think they are really responsible. Like I say, though, it is difficult to get places to take them even as volunteers at 14 as everyone has to have DBS checks around them, do risk assessments and they are classified as 'vulnerable'.

I certainly wouldn't want my fourteen year old getting a job with the sort of person who would rather employ a child than an adult.

Miladamermalada

Sit down on your own and fill this form in. It will show you how much you have and how much you can afford to spend, without ending up with no money for food.

www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

Once you have got a good grip on your finances, you can let the kids know how it is. Learn the phrase "No, I can't afford it" and then set SENSIBLE levels of spending on presents and be more RESPONSIBLE when parenting the kids. Think your actions through.

This has been a hard lesson for you, but it's not too late to change the family dynamic from grasping and self-centred to helping.

I feel sorry for you but how have you found £500 to spend if you're skint?

eBay, car washing, babysitting, dog walking ...

It's his age. Honestly, it will get better. He was probably really disappointed. Can you change it for the right one?

Option one- take it back
Option two- tel him the game he wanted was in there as a separate present, due to his poor behaviour he can have it in one month if he is successful in helping cleaning the house, homework and doing chores, any fits of rage of bad behaviour adds a extra day to the month.

It's his age. Honestly, it will get better. He was probably really disappointed. Can you change it for the right one?

Disappointment or not, if the OP changed it, this would mean his tantrum got him his own way.

And I think she said earlier somewhere that he did have the game he wanted, but he threw a tantrum before he had chance to open it, I could be wrong though.

eBay, car washing, babysitting, dog walking ...

eBay- what?

car washing- are you aware that there are lots of criminal gangs/concerns with modern day slavery with car washes. Yes do next door for a tenner, but you can't actually set up a business to do this as a 14 year old!

babysitting- yes, lots of people would love a 14 year old male babysitter! Many people on MN think 14 year olds need babysitting!

Dog-walking-yes, this is a possibility.

I don't think a 14 year old with a mum with mental health issues, with a brother who is disabled, who is living in a very small space, who has experienced DV needs to be pestered to earn money. He needs to contribute to the household and not be rude/aggressive and to do well at school and have an environment in which he can study (even the trades or whatever he does will require basic quals these days). He'll be in training or education til he's 18. That will be his way out, not doing car washing.

Yep www.gov.uk/child-employment/restrictions-on-child-employment
And pays not bad 17 y/o on £7.50 p/h + tips and bonus and 16 y/o on £7

Shocked at the £500 present. We are fortunate not to be short of money, but our birthday and Christmas gifts are around the value of £25 - £50.

And pays not bad 17 y/o on £7.50 p/h + tips and bonus and 16 y/o on £7

You said 13-15 year olds. They earn £3 something an hour. That's if anyone is willing to go through the DBS checking/risk assessments/parental permission and train up a 'vulnerable' employee.

There are not jobs for this age group any more except of the dog walking/babysitting type. They are now tightly regulated by legislation, although it is legal to employ from age 13 upwards, almost no companies do it.

All 4 of us had a paper round growing up. We were comfortably off but my mother didn’t spoil us - we grouped money together to buy electronics etc. We also wouldn’t have dreamt of throwing a strop if our mother bought us the “wrong thing” (and believe me she loved a questionable gift 😂) - you need to remove the Xbox, at least temporarily and pretend you’ve taken it back (hide it in the cupboard?) until your son understands what his lack of gratitude means. You’ve set a very difficult precedent though; are you going to spend 500£ on each child? You seem to be ignoring everyone’s advice on this post, which is a shame as I think you really need to handle the situation.

At 13 they started on £5 per hour + bonus And tips.