To feel hurt by MIL's message?

[sausageandsquit]

So I've known the my in laws for a very long time. Generally get on well. I do always feel a bit anxious around them though. I don't know why!

We've had one major disagreement and that has been to do with their dog and DD's arrival. The dog is aggressive with children and both DH and I are not happy with him being anywhere near DD.

This resulted in many many arguments conversations about how over the top we are, he's fine, he'll know that she's part of the family so won't hurt her, etc etc. DH very firmly told MIL to back off and stop going on about the dog because it's never going to happen.

DD is now 1 and today I've received an email with a link to an article about how damaging "helicopter parenting" is before the age of 2. I had to google what it was because I had never heard of it before. But I can't help but feel that it's a dig at me. I'm definitely anxious around them but not because I'm worried about DD, it's just because I'm near them!!!

With the link in the email she said she thinks parenting is hard with all the information available now so I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or overly emotional (currently heavily pregnant)!

Am I right to feel hurt by this? If not, tell me I'm a dick so that I can give my head a good wobble!!!

[ScabbyHorse]

What oceamsrazor said- get DH to send link about dogs attacking children

[glitterbiscuits]

Please do what Soddingunicorns said.

My MIL used to email me all sorts of crap particularly about various foods that were going to kill me. Diet Coke was her pet hate.

[Trinity66]

YANBU, what an insulting thing to send to somebody

[LuckyJH]

Send her this.

[Eden80]

I read that article - you have every right to be very angry. That is extremely passive aggressive on her part. Why is she sending it to you especially when you are pregnant, how come it didnt go to her son? You do absolutely right not letting the dog anywhere near your baby. Dogs bite and cannot be trusted around babies or toddlers, especially if aggressive. She sounds bloody awful!

[KC225]

Another one saying respond with soddingunicorns suggestion of dogs that have mauled children.

[Frenchienads]

I know what I’m about to say won’t be useful but because I have a c**t of a mother in law (and your mother in law sounds like one too) I just have to say that she sounds like a witch sending you that article. Why not photocopy your middle finger and send her a copy of that in the post, or better yet strap it to a remote control helicopter and fly it right through her living room windows and let it land on her dog! She’s an arsehole, plain and simple. Best of luck!

[worstmotherintheworld]

DON'T click on the YouTube video unless you don't mind being shocked. I feel ill having seen it - it does make the point though

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

Please do as Katgurl suggests. Don’t engage in tit for tat emails, it won’t end well.

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

That video shows the dog giving clear stress signals, furrowed brow, looking away, looking to the humans in a 'get me out of here' fashion.
It seems that a lot of dog owners can't read their own pet's body language and will risk anything for a cute shot of their children and 'furbaby'

[welshmist]

We have always had dogs, toddlers and dogs do not mix easily, it is not fair on the dog to be honest. We are careful with our dogs, putting them away for a bit of peace and quiet if small people around. Our young dog adores children, but our old one who used to love children but is now deaf just does not want to know. Your MIL is way out of line on this.

[Juells]

I wouldn't send her any links to children being mauled by dogs, as she'll take it as proof that you're frightening yourself by reading too many scare stories and 'that would never happen with our dog'.

[Pancakeflipper]

email back with an article about passive aggressive MIL's.

[Cathena]

Agree with mimi. Say nothing. If she mentions it, pretend you didn’t see it and ask her what it was. See if she feels as brave describing it in front of DH!

[TeasndToast]

I always wonder why people are not more straight. I would e mail and straight out ask if it was sent because she thought I was a helicopter parent and if so was it because of the dog issue? If she said yes I’d then tell her why I disagree and that I found her e mail offensive.

Why does everything have to be so difficult these days?

[pallisers]

www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/news-features-and-safety-tips/Pages/Dog-Bite-Prevention-Tips-2017.aspx

Send her this. American academy of Paediatricians recommend:

Never leave a small child and a dog alone together, no matter if it is the family dog, a dog that is known to you, or a dog that you have been assured is well behaved. Any dog can bite.

[bsbabas]

Smile and nod and then do what you want

[TorviBrightspear]

I looked at the video.

I don't and have never had dogs, always wary around them, never grown up with them. But even I can see that right from the start, the dog was so clearly uncomfortable with the child being near. How can some owners not see what's in front of their eyes?

[Eden80]

Maybe send her this thread?

[rookiemere]

I don't really understand your DH's POV. She sent you the email - it's clearly relating to your perceived style of parenting - how direct does she need to be ?

Having said that - despite the fact I totally agree with your stance on the dog being around the DC - I don't see there is anything to be gained by engaging with this.

She has her position and you have yours. It's disappointing that she's resulted to using articles that are in no way related to letting small DCs have contact with an aggressive dog to try to make her point.

It will wind her up more if you totally do not respond - don't even acknowledge you received it. If she then asks you about it, tell her you were too busy to read it and could she summarise what it said. Then watch her squirm when she tries to do that directly.

[BigDamnHero]

Responsible dog owners wouldn't let you bring a 1 year old near an aggressive dog and would be the one most adamant about keeping them apart.

Absolutely. My parents' dog is very anxious and it comes out as aggression quite often. My mum loves her to bits but when we had to live with them for two years she set up a completely separate space for the dogs to be kept so that her aggressive spaniel wouldn't come into contact with my DSs.

As she pointed out, not only would it be irresponsible but it would be totally unfair to the dog as well!

[humblesims]

Just because she started the game, it doesn’t mean you have to play.
So don’t reply at all. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of defending your stance on the dog
I would follow this advice. I wouldnt send videos or links to dog maulings. She obviously doenst think her dog is dangerous.
Ignore her. That will wind her up more than anything

[Katgurl]

Everything @teasndtoast said

[MrStarkIDontFeelSoGood]

Send her the link like SoddingUnicorns said, I remember one of a girl being mauled to death because the dog wanted the pie she was eating, send that one

[5SleepingLions]

my ds was mauled by a dog at 14 months old and has horrific scars from his face to his bum the attack lasted less than 30 seconds and all he did was hand the dog a biscuit.
until that day she was the soppiest dog ever.
she had never shown any aggression to anybody.
the vet gave her a full examination before she was put down and the vet put it down to jealousy.
your mil is to put it bluntly a fucking idiot to think that you protecting your baby is helicopter parenting and if i was in your shoes id tell her to fuck right off.