To feel hurt by MIL's message?

[sausageandsquit]

So I've known the my in laws for a very long time. Generally get on well. I do always feel a bit anxious around them though. I don't know why!

We've had one major disagreement and that has been to do with their dog and DD's arrival. The dog is aggressive with children and both DH and I are not happy with him being anywhere near DD.

This resulted in many many arguments conversations about how over the top we are, he's fine, he'll know that she's part of the family so won't hurt her, etc etc. DH very firmly told MIL to back off and stop going on about the dog because it's never going to happen.

DD is now 1 and today I've received an email with a link to an article about how damaging "helicopter parenting" is before the age of 2. I had to google what it was because I had never heard of it before. But I can't help but feel that it's a dig at me. I'm definitely anxious around them but not because I'm worried about DD, it's just because I'm near them!!!

With the link in the email she said she thinks parenting is hard with all the information available now so I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or overly emotional (currently heavily pregnant)!

Am I right to feel hurt by this? If not, tell me I'm a dick so that I can give my head a good wobble!!!

[crispysausagerolls]

5SleepingLions

I am so sorry to hear about this, how terrifying for you and DS!

[Racecardriver]

I would just send back a link about a child being mauled by a family pet but I'm a bit if a snappy bitch (pun intended).

[NobodysMot]

wow. people like that enjoy the drama of you defending yourself to her.
Instead of defending yourself (because the reality is you don't need to) react by not reacting. She will feel out in the cold. She is being really unreasonable.

[SusanneLinder]

I am a dog owner and dog lover. My 2 daft mutts have never shown any signs of aggression. I still wouldn't leave them alone with children.

[NotTakenUsername]

I would reply sweetly asking if that was the link she intended to attach, or was it a copy and paste mix up?

[FizzyWizzyFlash]

Yanbu

The in laws got a dog which kept biting them all. Spoke to DH about it and we both agreed we were not happy with kids being around the dog. DH told his parents the kids will no longer visit them at their house and will meet at parks and play areas in future.

It's the dog's home so felt a bit unfair asking them to lock him in a room and MIL truly loves the dog and probably would take it personally.

Would that be a good way forward for you?

Meet in public kid friendly places?

Both me and DH were attacked by dogs when we were little, we like dogs ... from a distance.

[FizzyWizzyFlash]

Oh and your MIL is an arsehole for taking it so personally and sending you that link. Just be civil and handle the situation with dignity.

If she's a cow bag about it she'll lose her shit soon and look like a fool. And your OH will probably naturally tell her to sling her hook.

[DailyMailReadersAreThick]

I'd reply, copying in DH, saying 'Was this actually meant for me?'
Make her explain why she sent it.

That's the best advice you had. Or even, "Why did you send me this?" She will either have to backtrack or admit what she's done, in which case your husband can deal with her.

[ShamelesslyPlacemarking]

To be honest I’d just reply saying, “Please don’t send me any more articles on how to parent. Thanks.”

Don’t argue. Don’t apologise. Just knock it solidly on the head. Your choices for your child are your choices and she doesn’t get to undermine you.

Sending you that article was fucking rude. You already know you’re dealing with someone who likes to try to push perfectly reasonable boundaries, so take a hardline stance now or she will think she gets to snipe at how you parent.

She may come back all defensive “I was just trying to be helpful because I thought you would find it interesting.” Stay calm and just reply “Thanks, but no.”

Don’t worry if you feel like you’re coming across a little rude. That’s just what happens when you’re being straightforward and firm with someone who is being passive-aggressive and manipulating a situation to try to look like a victim when they are actually the aggressor.

[crispysausagerolls]

To be honest I’d just reply saying, “Please don’t send me any more articles on how to parent. Thanks.”

This!!!!! This is so perfect! Nip it in the bud and be direct

[Notonthestairs]

I think I'd ignore it. If pressed I'd just say you've had your opportunity to parent, now it's ours. There isn't a lot of comeback to that.

Your child is just that, your child, unless you are cruel or negligent you don't need to justify anything to anyone.

[ShamelesslyPlacemarking]

Or, if it makes you feel better, given her note about “parenting being so hard with all the information out there” you could add a line agreeing that there are a million different viewpoints so you prefer to just go with what you personally feel is right, with reference to what your family doctor or health visitor suggests if you feel the need for another perspective.

[Crunchymum]

Ask her why she sent the link?

[numptynuts]

Send it back with:

"This email inbox does not accept spam"

[Thebluedog]

I’d ignore, if she asks of you’ve received it, tell her no, then ask her what it was about and which bits she thought you’d be interested in and why

[ShamelesslyPlacemarking]

I don't think you need to be evasive or confrontational (asking why she sent it, etc). This just a) implies that sending you articles about how to parent is on the table and b) gives her an opportunity to frame the reasons she sent it to you and cloud the issue.

I think you know perfectly well why she sent it to you. There are plenty of people who could send me an article on something to do with parenting and I wouldn't take it as a passive-aggressive comment because I know our relationship.

You also know your relationship with your MIL, and that is why you understand that she's telling you she thinks you're parenting wrong.

Just tell her you don't want articles like that. There is literally nothing wrong with saying "Thanks, but I don't want to receive articles about how to parent." Anyone who would argue with that is the same kind of person who will argue with you saying you don't want an aggressive dog around your child. It's your choice as a parent, and you're not required to negotiate it.

[GameFrame]

Tbh, I wouldn't say it was pointed. I'd say she sent it as a "God, we can't do anything right as parents, can we?!" thing. Either way, let it go.

[ohfourfoxache]

She sounds cruel and manipulative. You don’t need her approval to keep your dc safe

[Sunflowersforever]

Op, lots of 'I'd send her this and I'd say that advice' but I would recommend you say and do nothing. She is either stupid or insensitive or both. Either way, getting into an argument with her will solve nothing.

Note it, rise above it, move on.

Silence can be a hard stance to take in our confrontational society, but usually proves to be the most effective route in the long run.

[Honeyroar]

How bloody rude of her. Ive got three dogs that are wonderful with children, I wouldn't leave them alone with a baby or let someone's toddler run around them.

I'd be inclined to ignore it, not give her any reaction. If she brings it up again I'd say "was that for real, I thought you were joking, it was just such a rude thing to send otherwise, you could have really upset us.." After that if she carried on I'd throw any articles you like back at her!

[Sashkin]

I’d go with 665’s “I’m so pleased you now agree with us!” non-sequitur message. Make her spell out that she doesn’t, and was being shitty. Plus it will piss her off.

[Mammysin]

I have a very timid Yorkie. She is a rescue so frightened of most situations, she also has few teeth. I would not leave her with any small child (my youngest is 8) as her loving snuggle would be frightening to another child.

[trojanpony]

I'd reply, copying in DH, saying 'Was this actually meant for me?'
Make her explain why she sent it.

This is fantastic advice

[Thesearepearls]

The dog is aggressive with children

What evidence do you have for this statement? I mean if I had a dog that was aggressive with children, I'd be keeping it away from children

So what I'm getting at - is it the dog that is aggressive of children or is it you that is frightened of dogs? In the latter case I understand MIL's response

[chickychickyparmparm]

"It's so nice that you have come round to my way of thinking, after all we are just both trying to keep the little ones safe"

YES, this is perfect!