To feel hurt by MIL's message?

[sausageandsquit]

So I've known the my in laws for a very long time. Generally get on well. I do always feel a bit anxious around them though. I don't know why!

We've had one major disagreement and that has been to do with their dog and DD's arrival. The dog is aggressive with children and both DH and I are not happy with him being anywhere near DD.

This resulted in many many arguments conversations about how over the top we are, he's fine, he'll know that she's part of the family so won't hurt her, etc etc. DH very firmly told MIL to back off and stop going on about the dog because it's never going to happen.

DD is now 1 and today I've received an email with a link to an article about how damaging "helicopter parenting" is before the age of 2. I had to google what it was because I had never heard of it before. But I can't help but feel that it's a dig at me. I'm definitely anxious around them but not because I'm worried about DD, it's just because I'm near them!!!

With the link in the email she said she thinks parenting is hard with all the information available now so I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or overly emotional (currently heavily pregnant)!

Am I right to feel hurt by this? If not, tell me I'm a dick so that I can give my head a good wobble!!!

Shes a twat.

I like DarlingNikita's suggestion of asking whether it was actually meant for you, and if so, why.

There you go, I don't agree with the majority here. I personally think that she thought the article would be interesting for the parent of a small child

That would only be a valid explanation if she were in the habit of sending articles on a range of aspects of parenting. If, as appears to be the case, this is the only time she has sent such an article, surely it carries the implication that she thinks OP is guilty of helicopter parenting.

I think a gentle but straight reply is in order as, in my experience, ignoring these things just doesn't work. I also think that she may be tempted to push this dog boundary in the future and that it will serve you well to enforce it now.

I think I would reply:

Hi Mil! I don't know why you've sent me this. Is it because we're not allowing DD near DDog?

I think if she considers your understandable caution about allowing the dog to be near your DD helicopter parenting she has totally misunderstood it.

Helicopter parenting is defined as being over controlling parenting particularly in connection with education or structured play. It does not mean parents ignoring the dangers of leaving young children near unpredictable dogs without supervision. A responsible dog owner would shut it away.

My DDs PIL have 2 large but gentle German shepherd digs. From the time of our DGD1s birth they always shut them away to give my DD and SIL peace of mind.

Your MIL is being an idiot if she is trying to imply you are being over controlling.

I’d send her a reply saying “thanks for the article, but don’t worry, I have no plans to take her in a helicopter until she’s a bit older”

@Ozgirl75 Utterly brilliant.

Yep, Ozgirl has it right.

I would just press delete and ignore it utterly. If she asked about it I would pretend I hadn't received it and say, "My spam filter is on telly high. Maybe it went into junk."

*really

So can you post the link to the article? It might have another point to it or we could point out a good reply

I’d send her a reply saying “thanks for the article, but don’t worry, I have no plans to take her in a helicopter until she’s a bit older"

I love this.

I like @SandAndSea's suggestion, Hi Mil! I don't know why you've sent me this. Is it because we're not allowing DD near DDog? Straight to the point, makes it clear the OP knows what it's about, and that the OP is prepared to up the ante if required.

Thank you all so much for the replies!!

I've decided to take the high ground and ignore it, I think that would annoy her more to be honest.

Plus I don't need to justify anything to her, nothing is changing, the dog will never be allowed near DD. We don't go to their house for this reason because the dog would go mad knowing we were there but in a different room.

That video was utterly terrifying and reminds me exactly why there's zero negotiation when it comes to the dog.

@Ozgirl75 Amazing!! 😂

Thanks again everyone. Hopefully I won't get any more parenting articles any time soon!

@5SleepingLions I'm so sorry to hear what happened to your poor DS

Thankyou it was a few years ago now and he is doing very well.

My Uncle was the same. He had had his big old gentle Collie for 9 years, was the soppiest thing, would ply with us kids for hours, rolling over, being daft, cuddling up, not an aggressive bone in his body....until he tore my younger cousins ear. The reason we later found out was that he had a cancerous growth, undetected, and this was changing him, slowly but surely. Giving him pain, and changing his character, the way any pain would do with anyone.
These days we can barely work out what a person would do next, let alone an animal.

You are 100% in the right with this one. Its not helicopter parenting, its shit grandparenting. You're a great Mum, bloody well tell them this.

Ps worked nights, my comment reads very badly! My Uncles Collie dog tore the kids ear, not my Uncle. Need sleep! lol

What you have described in very unpleasant indeed.

This is for your partner to deal with as it's his parent.

You need to ignore it ( so easy to say - so hard to do ) and not respond to this.

What is helicopter parenting?

this explains helicopter parenting

How do you know their dog is aggressive with children??

I think you have to explain that before I can comment if yabu or not.

Most dogs DON’T like children and will try to avoid them and most dog attacks, for a number of reasons, are on children. Of course she’s having a dig at you but try to rise above it. Better to be a helicopter parent than have some dog take your child’s face off.

You could send her a link to this article
www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/may/28/hospital-admissions-for-injuries-caused-by-dogs-up-76-over-past-10-years

It is a fwe yers old but even so the statistics are shocking.

Another one coming on to say - I know a teenager who was bitten as a baby by her grandad's dog. The grandad said it wasn't the dog's fault the baby's head looked like a ball - so he bit it. ?!? The grandad and the family went NC over it and the teenager has never recovered the use of her hand due to the brain injury. Please don't let there be an accident OP.