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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have explained periods to my 10 year old daughter?

268 replies

youdialwetile · 20/06/2018 02:23

My daughter was at a friend's birthday today and I just got a text from birthday girl's mum with a heads up that periods came up in conversation. All very friendly - said my DD and one guest said they had read the same book about it - the other 2 girls want to borrow the book. I replied that I'd be happy to drop it off. Then other book-reading guest's mum replied that yes, her DD had the book "but has not read THAT chapter" and if her DD knows about periods it's news to her with sad face emoji. Now I feel I'm branded the weirdly irresponsible parent exposing kids to inappropriate information. I'm in the USA which I think makes a difference - but British. Do I reply or ignore? It's a group text for the 5 mums with girls at the party plus host. They are all 10 years old.

OP posts:
Polly2345 · 20/06/2018 08:02

My primary school told us about periods when we were in Yr 5 - which means we were all 9 or 10. And that was nearly 30 years ago! I already knew about them as my Mum thought I might start them before the school talked to us (most women in my family hit puberty early).

LiteraryDevil1 · 20/06/2018 08:03

My kids were told at 4 and 6. They asked what Bodyform were for after seeing the advert and wouldn't be fobbed off with a simple explanation. As a result they aren't embarrassed by it. They are now 11 and 9. I started my periods at 10 as did most of the women in my family so I'd have told them by 8 at the latest I think. They know about sex too as we used to watch One Born together when I was pregnant and they asked what sex was. I explained very simply. They've had books out from the library to read and have asked questions. They are so matter of fact about it and not embarrassed at all which is great.

junglebookisthebest · 20/06/2018 08:08

with a toddler and reception age child - going to the toilet privately stopped years ago and we are pretty relaxed about it - as such the girls are very aware of stinky poos, blood on knickers and using pads - all in age appropriate way without making up some fairy story that then has to be changed as they get older...
I would just ignore that part of the conversation with the other mums and carry on as before...

JennyOnAPlate · 20/06/2018 08:11

I had my first period when I was 10.

My two dds have known about periods since they were old enough to spot my tampons on the bathroom shelf and ask what they were.

SoddingUnicorns · 20/06/2018 08:11

I was 9 when mine started, nobody had told me anything. I woke up in the morning thinking I was dying and was in absolute bits.

YANBU at all OP, I’ll be telling DD when she’s a wee bit older (she’s only 5 now), and I told DSDs when they were 9.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 20/06/2018 08:11

My DD's friend started at 10 and a half.

I'm really confused how you could even keep this information a secret from a pubescent girl??

Lweji · 20/06/2018 08:16

They are deluded.

They'll probably have girls in their class with periods.

Much better to start early. Tell them you're surprised they haven't told their DDs and why you think it's best girls know about it early on.

AjasLipstick · 20/06/2018 08:17

Oh God! Of course she needs to know! I taught my DD aged about 5 when my brother's dog had hers....it was a great way for her to learn!

ScattyCharly · 20/06/2018 08:17

My dd is in a class of 9/10 year olds. All the girls from the class were separated out from the boys for a lesson and told about periods. Perhaps you could “excuse” your (correct) actions by saying that in the UK, the schools have already told them by this stage. (Parents can withdraw kids from the class if they want).

Other mum totally in the wrong. My dd attended the lesson but had already known for several years. Absolutely ridiculous for a 10yo not to know.

DevilsDoorbell · 20/06/2018 08:18

The other mums are weird. Have they not seen Carrie?!

I would have also thought very religious if I’d not read one of your updates.

I’m all for kids staying kids for as long as possible but ffs, this is going to happen to them, can be a bit scary so the sooner you discuss it with them or normalise it the better.

Bibesia · 20/06/2018 08:18

I suspect all the mothers you are talking about are deluded about their children's knowledge anyway. If one of the girls has read a book that includes a chapter on periods, there is no way that she has skated over the chapter in question; and once a couple of them know, the rest of the friendship group will hear about it very quickly.

morningconstitutional2017 · 20/06/2018 08:18

Ignorance is NOT bliss. All girls need to know about periods before they become a reality. If I was in your position I'd show her a towel or pantie liner and explain them to her. Advise that it's a good idea to keep some in her school bag at all times 'just in case' and that it's a perfectly normal part of life and nothing to feel ashamed about. Encourage her to talk about it too - although it is private and personal, it's not a dirty secret.

Lweji · 20/06/2018 08:21

Even my boy knew about periods at that age!

lubeybooby · 20/06/2018 08:22

yanbu - my DD started at age 10

I told her all about it when she was 8 just to try and make sure she was never scared and unknowing

GummyGoddess · 20/06/2018 08:23

@raindropsandsunshine You won't have a choice about being open if they're like mine and follow you everywhere. He is 20 months and extremely interested in sticky pads as they're like stickers to him and enjoys peeling off the backing strip for me!

Doyoumind · 20/06/2018 08:25

It's so unfair on those girls not to have been told at that age. I can't understand why their mothers haven't spoken to them. Even my DS has known about periods for ages and he's far younger.

ScattyCharly · 20/06/2018 08:26

Plus you could add that it’s normal for 10yos to carry a sanitary towel in their backpacks in case they start. Mine does.

grumpy4squash · 20/06/2018 08:28

I told my 10 year old boys about periods! My DD knew well before 10.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 20/06/2018 08:28

Just thinking more on this, my dd is 11 and has a special little bag that she keeps in her school bag in case she starts at school. She's still in year 6 but understands it could start at any time. She is the one who reminded me she'll need to bring supplies in case she starts while she's on her leaver's trip! Can you imagine the horror of starting while away from home on a school trip and not knowing about it beforehand? Honestly.

Newname12 · 20/06/2018 08:43

Just in defence of catholicism- i went to catholic school in the early 80’s and we were given a very thorough and open sex education in year 6.

I always thought that made sense as if you’re going to tell girls not to do something you have to tell them what it is first! We all knew what sex was and how you got pregnant, so no excuses for ignorance and unplanned pregnancy...

TinyTear · 20/06/2018 08:44

Ten years old???

And there is me thinking I should talk about it to my 6 year old before it's too late!

GreyCloudsToday · 20/06/2018 08:48

Ridiculous - my son has known since aged 2 when he asked what was in my pants (a pad)! Don't let the dinosaurs grind you down, OP.

jellyelly · 20/06/2018 09:03

Of course YANBU. The reason Chad Varah starts the Samaritans was a funeral he had to conduct for a 14 yo girl who'd killed herself because she'd started her period and thought it was a sexually transmitted disease...
www.samaritans.org/about-us/our-organisation/history-samaritans

CaledonianQueen · 20/06/2018 09:03

YANBU! My toddlers knew a toddler friendly version of what periods were (Mummy has a baby house that grows in her tummy every month, just in case a baby comes to grow in my belly. Because there is no baby, the baby house comes away onto Mummy’s pad, so a new house could be made). I would have had seriously freaked out children otherwise, as they were forever following me into the loo to show me their drawing/ sing me a song/ help pass me the loo roll!

My ds knew about sex and the facts of life aged 6. He is autistic and at that age was obsessed with David Attenborough documentaries, he asked why animals made babies via sexual intercourse but humans made babies through a seed growing. Luckily I had been waiting for this moment and was pre prepared with an age appropriate book. I asked him not to tell his little sister (who was 4 at that point), the little monkey waited until he was 8 to tell me he had told her, so she was given the same book as her brother, we read through it together. There was no embarrassment, as they didn’t think to be embarrassed, it was just part of life.

Dd looked to be showing signs of early development and ds started puberty age 9 (which I am so glad he was prepared for, being autistic he really struggles with change but he was able to tell me he had started growing ‘hair’ there and he and dh looked at the boys book I had bought specifically for this reason) so I sat dd down and read a book for girls I had purchased and I bought her the lil-lets teens starter pack and explained pads and tampons, showed her how to put a pad on her pants, (told her she was too little for the tampons which she agreed!) then made a little bag with fresh pants that she keeps in her school bag. She also has a special box in her room with different types of pads as well as several different books she can read on her own, or with me if she wants to know any more about puberty. The American girl - the care and keeping of you is one of them op (we love that range and have almost the whole collection).

She knows that it likely won’t happen until she is much older, but she knows what is happening if it does happen and she has the tools to take care of it. She won’t think she is dying if she starts her period early like my Mother did.

By all accounts, puberty can start from age 8 up, that is the only sad thing, that our childrens bodies are changing earlier. I was a late developer and sincerely hope that dd will be too. Unfortunately I suspect not, her hormones are all over the place and she has recently had to start using deodorant. I would much rather my children had the actual facts, instead of hearing drips and drabs in the playground and relying on school teaching them. Both of my children are very open with asking us questions now, well asking me questions, dh is from a more conservative household where that sort of thing was never discussed. He is really working on being approachable though, as ds is needing him to answer questions that he would rather not discuss with me

User467 · 20/06/2018 09:08

I don't really se how they were flaming you though? I think you may be stressing over something that is a non issue

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