Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have explained periods to my 10 year old daughter?

268 replies

youdialwetile · 20/06/2018 02:23

My daughter was at a friend's birthday today and I just got a text from birthday girl's mum with a heads up that periods came up in conversation. All very friendly - said my DD and one guest said they had read the same book about it - the other 2 girls want to borrow the book. I replied that I'd be happy to drop it off. Then other book-reading guest's mum replied that yes, her DD had the book "but has not read THAT chapter" and if her DD knows about periods it's news to her with sad face emoji. Now I feel I'm branded the weirdly irresponsible parent exposing kids to inappropriate information. I'm in the USA which I think makes a difference - but British. Do I reply or ignore? It's a group text for the 5 mums with girls at the party plus host. They are all 10 years old.

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 20/06/2018 09:15

I don't think girls should learn about periods from a book, their Mom should be capable of explaining it. I've always resented my Mom for just handing us a book to explain it. Although I guess it was a step up from her Mom who Never told her anything.

CaledonianQueen · 20/06/2018 09:17

Jelly that is absolutely heart breaking! That poor girl! My Mum was 11 when she started and hysterical, she said she honestly thought she was going to die! Her Mother wouldn’t explain, just put a brown paper bag with pads on her shelf and expected her to know what it was for. In her defence my Grandmother was an older Mother. But my two Aunts were older and hadn’t pre-warned her either!

BeyondSceptical · 20/06/2018 09:17

My DSs have known the basics forever, as I did when I was little.

I started at 10. 10 is too late to be telling girls about it.

L0ngwayh0meagain · 20/06/2018 09:30

My school provided info. I received zero info at home. I had no starter kit. Please share your book with other parents and children.

reallyanotherone · 20/06/2018 09:30

I don't think girls should learn about periods from a book, their Mom should be capable of explaining it. I've always resented my Mom for just handing us a book to explain it.

I much preferred a book! Maybe it was the way my mum explained it but I had a million questions i didn’t feel i could ask, and she made me feel like it was some hush hush whispered conversation. My mother’s biology skills are pretty crap too and much of what she said didn’t even make sense to me. I remember “when you’re a lady, once a month blood comes from your bottom”

A book i could go back and re read, or find another book if one didn’t explain it. I found going into proper detail helpful.

In the end it used to really piss me off when my mother would constantly put everything down to “it might be you starting” when i knew, biologically, i was around two years away from my first period.

I offered my dd’s the choice. I said i could sit down with them and explain it all, or they could have a book and then come to me if they needed to. They both chose a book.

Some of the girls at dd’s school have misunderstood explanations- at least one thinks you pee blood. Diagrams are invaluable for learning the structure of the reproductive system. The difference between the urethra, vagina and anus is pretty important!

NomNomNomNom · 20/06/2018 09:34

Bloody hell I would be horrified if my (hypothetical) 10 year old daughter didn't know about periods. Lots of girls start their periods at 10 and I'd hope they'd have known about them for a few years before that! My DS knew the basics when he was 4 or 5 because he was in a bathroom with me.

I don't think it matters whether you read a book or tell them yourself (although I'd hope every girl knows their mum i happy to talk about it with her if she wants to) as long as they get the information.

BlooperReel · 20/06/2018 09:36

OP YANBU.

Please recommend books, my DD has developed pubic hair (completely out of the blue it feels like) at 9, no breasts to speak of yet but I want to have the period chat soon so she isn't taken by surprise in the next year or so.

mrsFruitLoops · 20/06/2018 09:37

Oh course yanbu. I started my period at 9.. knew nothing about it so hid my underwear and went about my day visiting my nan. My mum ended up phoning my nan and saying what she had found so I still remember the huge pads my nan gave me to put on lol.

My 6 yr old dd knows the basics. That when girls grow up our bits bleed for a few days and it's nothing to worry about it just means we haven't got a baby in our belly.

Norma27 · 20/06/2018 09:37

My daughter started her periods just after her 11th birthday. A couple in her class started earlier. They definitely do need to know by age 10. You are doing the right thing.

auntiebasil · 20/06/2018 09:37

10 is far too late to start talking about it. You should be having conversations with your children about how the body works (age appropriate conversations) as soon as they start talking.

auntiebasil · 20/06/2018 09:39

I have "American Girl" branded books which my daughter reads about periods etc. American Girl is a US brand.

Justwaitingforaline · 20/06/2018 09:41

My three and a half year old is aware of the basic concepts of a period - that every month, mummy’s body prepares to have a baby hit because there isn’t a baby in there, it gets rid of all of the extra stuff which results in a bleed and as she says, ‘mummy has to wear nappies in her pants’. It’s so, so important to educate so they don’t get to an age where their period starts and they’re baffled by it. My grandma was never taught about her periods and when they started, she thought she was dying.

ilovejammiedogers · 20/06/2018 09:41

YANBU I remember having the conversation with my mum. She was telling me and my sister at the same time. I was about 8 my sister 10. My sister had her first period not long after and I started mine when I was 10.

ICantBelieveIDidThis · 20/06/2018 09:41

My heavy and painful periods took me entirely by surprise.

I thought I was dying.

My mother was useless.

YADNBU

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 20/06/2018 09:46

FFS, 10? Of course they should know about periods, some of them will be starting soon and it’s a horrid shock even when you know it’s coming.

I was 10 and tried to hide it as I wasn’t sure what it was. We had all the books, my mum was quite open about it all but, I still didn’t know if it was really that or something wrong with me. When I finally burst into tears and told my mum she said “oh I thought I’d explained enough about it that you wouldn’t be worried”. Evidently not!

My DD is 11 and we’ve been talking about it for years. She’s among the first in her year group to have her periods already but she’s totally taken it in her stride and is happy to talk to her friends who are worried about it.

letsallhaveanap · 20/06/2018 09:49

Of course YANBU!! I was 9 when I started my period and thank god my mum had had a casual talk about it before hand... apparently she almost hadnt as she had thought it too young but then changed her mind which is a very good job otherwise I would have been completely traumatised as it started a couple of months later!

Girls now days are hitting puberty much sooner and there is nothing worse than starting bleeding and having no idea why... its bad enough as it is without the complete shock!

catinasplashofsunshine · 20/06/2018 09:59

Blooper my kids have had the Usbourne 'Whats happening to me" books from about age 8. They're age appropriate from about then and cover all the basics. There's a boy's one and a girls one, each of which deals mainly with that sex's biology through puberty but also has a smaller section on what's happening to the opposite sex.

I agree with those saying that the optimal approach is to always have been open about reproductive biology in an age appropriate way right from toddlerhood. "The talk" presenting a whole load of totally brand new concepts and information at once at the latest possible moment is an old-fashioned and rubbish way of preparing children for puberty imo although if you've left it and left it it's better to start talking about it at 10 than not at all, so it's not "far too late" because it's still better than nothing!

Books are a good back up though and will contain information that you didn't think of to mention or even didn't know, and be a reference if they wonder about something when you're at work or in the middle of the night or when they have a friend over and they're both wondering etc.

Gazelda · 20/06/2018 10:03

Slightly off topic, but For those posters who are incredulous that young girls don't know about periods - "don't they see pads or tampons, or blood in the loo?".
In my case, it's because I haven't had a period since dd was born 10 years ago. She is an only child. I am an older mother and we haven't had any new babies in the family to pique her curiosity about where babies come from either!
I always felt (and was advised) to take her lead about when to introduce these and similar subjects. I thought I'd 'know' when she was ready.
Well, she's never shown any interest or given any indication that she was ready.
So at 9yo I made the decision to find a book and read it with her (a few pages at a time).
I bring the subject up from time to time to make it feel like a normal part of life.
She doesn't like talking about it, it makes her uncomfortable and squirm. But I'm taking the little and (fairly) often approach.
She's about to have the puberty talk/film at school (Y5).
We all handle situations differently, and in ways that are appropriate for our own situation.
I do agree that this Mom is being naive in not wanting her dd to have this knowledge. And her dd could have more difficulty adjusting to puberty as a result.

LaContessaDiPlump · 20/06/2018 10:10

Another one who had no warning at all that blood was going to start emerging from her privates Hmm my mother was very very scared of anything to do with bodies. No idea why. I had to do 'the talk' with my younger sister 7 years later....

My DSs, by comparison, have seen me remove a mooncup (not that I meant them to!!) and have at least a basic idea of what occurs.....

crumpet · 20/06/2018 10:10

Mine (boy and girl) knew about periods from when they were toddlers- limited, age
appropriate but factual at that age, which developed as they grew older

mindutopia · 20/06/2018 10:13

My 5 year old knows about periods. I’m American (grew up in the U.S. but live in the UK). U.S. schools start those lessons in health class from 4th grade so any 10 year old most certainly already knows that stuff. Many have their periods at 10! This other mum sounds weird.

UrgentScurryfunge · 20/06/2018 10:13

My DSs have a knack of gatectashing when I'm dealing with my mooncup which tends to be a natural conversation starter, so from a young age they are aware that part of being a woman is your body shedding some blood when it hasn't made a baby. We've had conversations about there not being bones in willies, and that it goes hard when they wake up because it fills with blood as they wake up and their heart is pumping blood quicker. At 7, various dots haven't been joined up into a bigger picture, but that bigger picture shouldn't be a shock to them when it comes up through school/ books/ conversation, and we've already established open conversation about human biology.

It's getting increasingly common for puberty to start earlier, so 8 or 9 isn't unusual and 10 is pretty mainstream. I was nearly 14, and most of my friends had already started their periods so intellectually it wasn't a shock, but it was emotionally and physically. Children need to be prepared for the changes that healthy bodies go through before it happens, so 10 is risking being too late for many, and even if they aren't going into puberty then, some of their peers are.

The embarasment of talking about human biology is far less than the embarasment of being unprepared for a changing body. Bodies develop in their own time regardless of any moralising imposed on the topic.

rebelrosie12 · 20/06/2018 10:15

My 3yo boy knows the basics about periods. She is in the wrong!

Okokiknow · 20/06/2018 10:16

I always think...why would you not talk to her about it...!? Some parents are orudes and then wander why their kids lack knowledge in these areas and end up pregnant, or have an sti or just generally dont know how their period is supposed to be full stop. Ofcourse that isnt always the case but ut is a factor. You did nothing wrong. I had to explain them to ky 5 yo ds and 3 yo ds the ither day in an age appropriate way as they had walked in on me. Its nothing ti be ashamed of and kids should be educated on it as it is a bodily function as is weeing pooing and eating!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread