To have explained periods to my 10 year old daughter?

[youdialwetile]

My daughter was at a friend's birthday today and I just got a text from birthday girl's mum with a heads up that periods came up in conversation. All very friendly - said my DD and one guest said they had read the same book about it - the other 2 girls want to borrow the book. I replied that I'd be happy to drop it off. Then other book-reading guest's mum replied that yes, her DD had the book "but has not read THAT chapter" and if her DD knows about periods it's news to her with sad face emoji. Now I feel I'm branded the weirdly irresponsible parent exposing kids to inappropriate information. I'm in the USA which I think makes a difference - but British. Do I reply or ignore? It's a group text for the 5 mums with girls at the party plus host. They are all 10 years old.

I got my period at at 11, but a girl in my class started when she was 9. It's not too young to be talked about.

Also agree YADNBU. A girl in year below me in my primary started aged 9 years. Imagine having no idea that it was going to happen! I think it should have been talked about a few times before they start.

It is a normal healthy physiological process that occurs for years in 50% of humans. It is definitely going to happen to your daughters. I'm not sure I could collude with the sad face emojis!

sports night yes that's what prompted the period discussion with my five year olds too. Mummy why are you bleeding? (very loudly in public loos ).

My 10 yo DS is well aware. Haven’t gone into details with yr 3 dd yet but won’t be long. Why would you not?! Some of my friends were definitely in year 5 when their periods started.

Plenty of british mums here in london who thinks 10 year olds are too “innocent” to know about periods. And that’s all I am going to say about it. I’ll leave the rest to you. Imho: bonkers.

Why are periods still considered to be a taboo subject ?!! Sad face emoji indeed

You are the responsible one in this group. Your daughter will most likely keep lines of communication open when she's a teenager, too, if she knows you're honest with her.

I have allowed my girls into the bathroom as they please when I'm in there (with a few exceptions) since they were tiny. Seeing someone changing a bloody towel is completely normal to them. I bought DD1 a book that explained the mechanics of everything a couple of years ago. She's 9. I can't imagine why anyone would want to keep it a secret tbh.

OP Chad Varah the man who started the Samaritans in the UK, did so because a 14 yr old girl committed suicide when she started her periods - didn't know what was happening to her .

It's ridiculous to keep children ignorant about their own bodies.

My DD 1 is 9, I have spoken to her about periods, but it's not something she even thinks about. It's scary to think of her having periods this early as she's emotionally very young for her age.

YADNBU, OP, by 10, a girl should have been told about periods. I expect her teachers at school have talked to them about periods, though?

And - I probably wouldn't deliberately tell DD's friends about periods and would be most likely to say 'ask your mum about it' but I wouldn't stop my daughter discussing it with her friends and I could not stand by and listen if they had the facts wrong!

10 and doesn't know about periods?

YANBU

At that age, they should know about periods, my friend started 30 years ago at 9.

Ffs why the big secret? It's a normal bodily function. I always knew about periods to an extent but had a talk well in advance of 10 about how to deal with them and why they happened.

I always find this keeping things secret bizarre. You just make it weird for the children by suggesting it's something to be ashamed of.

I suggest sitting down with these fools and watching the opening shower scene in Carrie. That's what happens when girls don't expect their periods.

Honestly cannot remember when my DDs knew about periods as it was a fair while ago now - they're both in their 30s - and these sorts of things were just a general part of life and growing up that we talked about as they grew - but I do remember one of my elder DD's friends talking to me about painful periods she was having as it was something she couldn't talk to her own mum about. I think they were in secondary school at that point.

I also remember when I was at school we had a girl who started her period earlier than most of us and she had no idea what was happening to her as no one told her. She thought she was seriously ill and tried to ignore it for a couple of days until she had to tell her mother as obviously the bleeding wasn't stopping and she was more frightened of that than having to have a conversation with her mother about where the bleeding was coming from.

I imagine she must have been terrified poor little thing.

Can't believe there are still people who think the subject of periods and women's reproduction is still a taboo subject. I imagine their sex education is pretty limited as well.

Everyone should know about periods by the age of ten.

Girls (and boys) of 10 should definitely know, 10 is far too late in my opinion. Periods are starting earlier than they did in the past, probably due to improved nutrition. I've heard of a pupil of a friend who didn't know and was terrified, thinking she was dying.

DD8 knows, and this year I'll get her a book; DS4 knows a little bit and I'll certainly explain it properly to him when he's a bit older as well. I knew from the age of 5, but back then people didn't tell the boys. They need to know too!

It's your duty as a parent to ensure your daughter knows about periods well in advance of the time they might arrive. These mums are failing in that duty. My gran thought she was dying when she first got hers. She swore that wouldn't happen in her family again, and it hasn't.

Although saying that, most 10 year olds would've heard it from their friends anyway. So they probably do know, but they've not had it imparted to them in the optimum way.

I’m making sure my DD knows what to expect. She knows about periods and why they happen. She knows about sanitary towels and tampons.

And this week, I found out that school had told all the children (boys and girls) that they keep sanitary supplies at reception and girls need only ask if they need anything.

We girls were called for A Talk about periods in what is now called Y6.

The teacher was near retirement age and talked in very euphemistic terms ...most of the girls got what she was on about, but I hadn't been told a thing about periods and was pretty clueless. I remember having to bluff it out that I knew what it was all about - and rushing to the educational section of the library to read up on it .
Luckily i didn't start till I was 13.

I've made sure my girls grew up always knowing from when they were little. I admit I'm not that liberal with discussing all sex ed subjects..

Oh God OP, please don't be ridiculous enough to send something like that. It's like a lesson in how to offend and alienate people for absolutely no reason, and forevermore be known as an arrogant, superior idiot.

It's incredible how people on this thread are extrapolating, from one person's experience of one or two other mothers who expressed nothing more than mild surprise / sadness that their ten year olds are growing up, that in general, Americans (and Catholics) must need to be advised by right thinking British mothers about what responsible parenting is. hmm

Well that exactly. And as an American who grew up in the south, so a more conservative area, I don't know any girls who didn't know what a period was by the age of 10 and we'd certainly had the "this is a period, and put some deoderant on you're starting to stink" talk by that age too. I'm a bit hmm about this threa based on that.

I'm also a Brit in the US and my DD is only 6 so I haven't entered this minefield yet but she's known about periods for over a year as she asked about tampons - both my children have had extensive sex-ed talks at home because they asked questions and I answered them. Americans are (sweeping generalisation based only on my experience) generally way more prudish in every way than the Brits but even so 10 is way too old for girls not to know anything

^sweeping generalisations tend to make you sound a bit dim best avoided.
Personally I find it funny you're on about your six year knowing about periods for a year. I actually want to know how you managed to avoid talking about periods before your daughter was 5 as that feels like a concerted effort to avoid something pretty obvious. Surely you must have been in a toilet or public look with her before she was five?!?! My American children (boys and girls) have literally been able to to have long often embarrassing public conversations in public toilets about periods since they could talk. Who is the prude here?

Really weird and prudish
My pre-schooler knows what periods are.
In my time (80s) it was all cringeworthy and taboo so I want it to be different for her.

How interesting really as I think as Brits we are sometimes perceived as being stiff ‘proper’ and prudish, whereas I think we are far more open with our children from an early age about the ways of life in terms of puberty and relationships etc. Do you think it’s the area you live in OP or is it usual not to educate children on such things until older in the US?

I’m surprised they haven’t discussed at school yet! My 7 yr old DS knows about periods, he asked what my San pro was and I explained briefly about a year ago. You are the reasonable one here imo

My 6 year old girl and 8 year old boy know about periods - the little one with less details - when is she expecting to tell her kids? These conversations, along with sex, their bodies should be continuous and age appropriate otherwise they get their info from other kids who can get confused and the internet.

The Samaritans was set up after a girl killed herself because she started her periods, no one had ever told her about them, so she thought something was terribly wrong. www.samaritans.org/about-us/history-samaritans/how-and-why-i-started-samaritans-chad-varah

It's really important for girls to know about their periods before they start.