Please make sure children are wearing appropriate clothing

[Damnthatdog]

No mini skirts or crop tops, yr 6 leavers party.

So not children, but girls. Please make sure girls aren’t wearing anything which could be deemed provocative. Which is how it reads to me.

AIBU or not?

Frequency

It's a bit confusing why you feel the need to tell us what she 'teams' them with? Does it matter, if there is no such thing as 'inappropriate' clothing on a pre-teen?

@Rocinante1 Clearly if there's sport and climbing and general active fun involved, I might have gently suggested to her that she wear something else. But maybe her parents did suggest that, and she didn't want to. Nobody can force her to change her mind, she'll either regret it and dress differently next time for her own comfort or she'll carry on happily.

I'm 56 and it wouldn't occur to me to wear a mini skirt or a crop top to go bowling either. You wear something suitable for a sporting activity.

@Frequency She's standing herself in good stead. I'm 20 and at uni and most of The Gay Icons on campus still dress like this

@AttilaTheMusical I don't like them either. Also in my 50s. But a skater skirt (above knee mini) and a crop top would be fine for bowling.

Frequency I like your DD's style!

I feel like the main Discourse of this thread has actually been about whether bowling is a sporting activity. 😂

Do the children have exclusive use of the bowling alley? Or are they sharing it with random adults? I think that would make a difference to wanting my totally imaginary daughter's pants on display.

Still I can't get worked up about your letter though. It's clumsily worded. "Please remember this is a sporting activity not a fashion show, and dress accordingly in comfortable clothes suitable for bowling" would have been better.

Upside down - erm, no obviously not. More like they’ve subconciously absorbed that their value is in their looks, and that they want to look like stars who target them, arianna grande etc. They don’t have an adult sexuality, they don’t think in terms of ‘if I wear this that ‘man will think imsexy’, they think ‘ oh I need to wear what my friends are wearing or il feel left out, I need to look good because no one wants to be the ugly girl’

It's no one's business how a girl chooses to dress other than her parents. By all means have a dress code for everyone (no underwear showing, midriff covered) for school but otherwise?

Of course there are unsuitable clothes for children and sporting activities. A floor length prom dress would be unsuitable for most occasions. A basque, fishnets and suspenders and padded bra would be unsuitable for all occasions on a child but a cropped t-shirt is not unsuitable for bowling, nor are short shorts or a-line skirts.

Some items of clothing are sexual. Children's stomachs and legs aren't.

Not suitable for a child to wear

Suitable for a child to wear

One is a definite attempt to look sexy, the other is a cute summer outfit on any age.

Adolescents may well be looked at in ways considered sexual, both by strangers and by peers. And on school's time, that is definitely inappropriate.

If there is a paedophile there who is attracted to 10/11 year old girls then they will be attracted to them and possibly harm them whether they are wearing jeans and t shirt or a mini skirt and a crop top.
It happens just as often to children wearing 'appropriate clothing', if its so inappropriate for children to be looked at sexually on school time them the school shouldnt decide to take them out to a public place. If they do they should just be keeping them safe regardless and not trying to shift any blame or responsaility on to them by implying they are wearing something wrong because at the end of the day what they are wearing isnt going to make a difference.

I don't like Arianne Grande or at least I didn't until she showed massive courage, nerve and heart over the Arena attack. We live in Manchester. My dd is 11z Much as I dislike AG's style if my dd grows up with half her strength of personality and empathy I will be pleased. Totally changed how I look at her.

They can't really win. If they said 'girls' , people would probably be saying 'oooh that's sexist, my son might have wanted to wear a mini skirt' (and of course he could if he wanted). Point is just clear: NO-ONE to wear mini skirts or crop tops, I don't know why you are finding it a problem.

@MumofBoysx2 - do you have daughters too?

@auntiebasil That's the tea, as we millenials say ☕ Women and girls are much more than what they wear, but what they wear doesn't impact at all on either the good or bad parts of their character. It's just simply not connected.

upsideup

No, the school should take them out and ask the parents to make sure they are dressed appropriately, simplifying the task of safeguarding them. If that is too difficult for certain parents, they should either send their child in uniform or not send them. As a teacher I would not take a child to a public place dressed in a style I thought put them at risk. Full stop.

Boys have to adhere to school rules with regard to clothing too.My son was sent home from school (not in UK) for refusing to take of his woolly hat on entering the school .Track bottoms were banned as deemed inappropriate.I didn't see all the mothers of boys getting their knickers in a knot over it.Sometimes life is just easier when rules are accepted.

Victim blaming? Seriously? About children?

The clothes aren't putting them at risk, the paedophiles and misogynists are. I wonder which one we should put our effort into tackling?

Crop tops aren't really inappropriate for bowling, they make no difference to that activity. Their inclusion does make it read as "inappropriate for 10 year old girls" which is a value judgement not as purely practical "inappropriate for bowling" clothing.

Very tight jeans might also be inappropriate and potentially worn by either sex and are not mentioned. Dangling necklaces or big rings are also more likely to be impractical for bowling than a cropped top, but they are not mentioned.

Nor is the need for socks when borrowing bowling shoes.

In light of that I do think it actually means provocative or tacky, not activity inappropriate, and is therefore questionable.

Penggg victim blaming is never acceptable, but children?!
As distasteful as it is, paedophiles like children dressed in school uniform anyway. They like children to look like children. That felt horrible to write but it's true.

I don't think that the email is very problematic really but I'm not sure why a crop top would be an issue. My dd's old school (no uniform) had a rule that shoulder straps should be 2 inches wide because for some reason they designated spaghetti straps as 'inappropriate'. Not sure whether that's because someone had an issue with seeing bra straps or thought everyone had shoulder fetishes but it sure annoyed the girls.

argumentativefeminist

I am a teacher. Tackling all paedophiles and misogynists isn't really in my job description. Safeguarding is. Failing to make sure my charges are dressed appropriately on a school trip, resulting in, for example, images being shared of that child's underwear, could cost me my job. That isn't going to happen. Bottom line, dress your kids appropriately or I wouldn't be taking them anywhere.

I really see no issue at all with crop tops.