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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please make sure children are wearing appropriate clothing

501 replies

Damnthatdog · 19/06/2018 16:14

No mini skirts or crop tops, yr 6 leavers party.

So not children, but girls. Please make sure girls aren’t wearing anything which could be deemed provocative. Which is how it reads to me.

AIBU or not?

OP posts:
Chewedupcucumber · 19/06/2018 17:08

Well, it’s really damaging to have an adult sexuality forced on you as a child, isn’t it?

Chewedupcucumber · 19/06/2018 17:08

Why do you think 10 year old girls are wanting t wear these things?

RoseWhiteTips · 19/06/2018 17:10

TheFirstMrsDV

You see the thing is that when Demi-Le'eh has been sent to the school party...

Nice

I felt the same when I read that post. The poster was certainly sneering at another “type” of parent’s choice of name and the rest followed.Hmm

TheFirstMrsDV · 19/06/2018 17:10

I think that crop tops and bare midriffs are sexual
A ten year old's bare midriff is sexual?

Why are fishnet stockings inappropriate? It's only clothing and if on a child then what's the problem? You seem to have double standards

Fishnets stockings are an icon of overt female sexuality.

You are either being obtuse or disingenuous. I can't decide which.

HennyPennie · 19/06/2018 17:11

Honestly don't see what your issue is.

argumentativefeminist · 19/06/2018 17:11

Because the actual items of clothing are aesthetically pleasing/pretty to them? Because it's cool in warm weather? Because they want to get a tanned belly/legs? Because it's their favourite? Probably a million other reasons than wanting to give random men or boys sexual pleasure. It certainly wasn't on my list of priorities at 10/11, but then, it still isn't now Hmm

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 19/06/2018 17:11

I wore crop tops when I was a kid (The baggy t-shirt type - probably with snoopy on) because I liked them. I wore them with leggings, with a floaty little skirt over, and thought I looked fantastic

Just like I did when I put the flourescent lace in my hair, or wore those silly gloves like Madonna, or wore my denim jacket and jeans with the little bits of fake leather.

It wasn't sexual, adults didn't dress like this - it was definitely child fashion - and boys wore similarly stupid looking stuff, and even showed skin sometimes

Amanduh · 19/06/2018 17:11

Oh ffs it’s not about body shaming or anything else. It’s to make sure kids are dressed appropriately for a sports activity.
Seriously, ‘kicking off’ over this is ridiculous.

Rocinante1 · 19/06/2018 17:11

I actually think the school have a point. At the last day of school last year, the primary 7's were allowed to not wear uniform. One of the girls had on a strapless mini dress. Every year, the when the school closes, the P7's make a tunnel (stand opposite each other and then lean forward so their hands meet) and all the other years leave the school by running through the tunnel. When this girl leaned forward, her skirt went up over her bum and her top fell down a few times showing nipple.

It is not appropriate for an 11 year old to dress like that at school, but her parents obviously didn't think so. Sometimes parents need to be reminded.

argumentativefeminist · 19/06/2018 17:12

That was to cucumber. You lot move fast! 😂

auntiebasil · 19/06/2018 17:12

You don't know my daughter. She thinks boys are nasty little worms. She dresses for herself.
You have a rather sneery tone towards young girls. Where does that come from? Do you have daughters?

Frequency · 19/06/2018 17:14

Why do you think 10 year old girls are wanting t wear these things

Child one has a cropped t-shirt because it has a unicorn and glitter on and it's cool when she's bouncing on the trampoline.

Child two has one because it has an alien on and matches her favourite jeans.

argumentativefeminist · 19/06/2018 17:14

@Rocinante1 have you never had a wardrobe malfunction in an outfit you thought was totally "safe" when you put it on at home?

placemats · 19/06/2018 17:16

Crop tops and mini skirts are all the rage now. just like the 70s

Same old same old.

It really means. Stop your children girls wearing clothes that provoke sexual excitement .

It's a nonsense and YANBU OP for raising this issue in which peeps will tie themselves in knots trying to argue round it.

tripYouOut · 19/06/2018 17:16

TheFirstMrsDV

"You are either being obtuse or disingenuous."

Honestly, neither.

I want you to explain why some clothing is off limits for you but others aren't. Why are fishnets demonstrating overt sexuality but cropped tops aren't? I feel that they both are. You however seem to be trying to suggest that it's perverse to think cropped tops are sexualising.

"A ten year old's bare midriff is sexual?"

I'm not sure whether to tell you to fuck off or ignore this. I really do want to know why you think some clothing is sexual and others aren't. The unintelligent retort is to ask why you think a ten year old in stockings is sexual.

upsideup · 19/06/2018 17:16

YANBU
11 year old dd wears crop tops and mini skirts, I really dont care what she wants to wear as long as she feels comfortable. I dont want to teach her that she has to be ashamed of her body and cover up her leg and stomach skin to make other people happy.
She wear leggings and a crop top to exersize in so I cant imagine a reason why a crop top would be so difficult to do bowling in. Her leaves is a disco and she will be going in a highwaisted skirt, a crop top and makeup.

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 19/06/2018 17:16

have you never had a wardrobe malfunction in an outfit you thought was totally "safe" when you put it on at home?

I was once pulled aside because I was wearing a giant baggy t-shirt (the only uniform size they had left) and it turns out that when lifted my arm to point somewhere you got a full view up the arm hole of my bra/chest/bare side.

The fullest of full coverage, still exposing myself.

noblegiraffe · 19/06/2018 17:18

Do you send your kids to school swimming lessons in bikinis?

TSSDNCOP · 19/06/2018 17:19

I think I must be missing the point. Why would anyone wear a crop top or mini skirt to bowl? Maybe in the past children have been sent in these and instead of throwing themselves into the physical activity have spent all their time yanking their clothes up/down. I always cut my nails as I know they’ll get knackered.

Pengggwn · 19/06/2018 17:19

The issue isn't anybody believing 11 year olds are being 'provocative' when they wear mini skirts/crop tops. It's to do with the fact that exposing areas of the body that are often believed to be provocative is an adult choice, not a child's choice. The clothes are inappropriate because the girls are neither babies nor adults. Some of them are adolescents. Adolescents may well be looked at in ways considered sexual, both by strangers and by peers. And on school's time, that is definitely inappropriate.

Rocinante1 · 19/06/2018 17:21

@argumentativefeminist

Would you consider a strapless mini dress a safe choice for the last day of school? A day which always includes sitting cross legged on the floor for assembly (strict school - legs must be crossed, not knelt on). It also includes a fun fair thing during the afternoon with climbing frames etc, it also includes sports. But really... that dress was a safe choice and it's not her fault? They couldn't forsee her showing off her ass and chest?

It is not about body shaming or making sure girls aren't provocative. It's about ensuring clothes are appropriate for the activity. An 11 year old girl will be upset and embarrassed when all the school and all the parents see her back side and nipples. This isn't a wardrobe malfunction. It's inappropriate clothing.

argumentativefeminist · 19/06/2018 17:21

@DisturblinglyOrangeScrambledEgg I once fully ripped through the inner thigh of a pair of jeans in public. About a 2cm long gaping hole right next to the crotch. I'm just saying we all wear things that should have been fine and ended up going wrong. And kids of this age are too young to have to be worrying about the "can you see my pants when I do this" dance I do in the mirror before I go on a night out. I think there's always too many factors possible in a situation like the one the PP described for someone to say "oh, bloody parents, letting their kids go out dressed like tarts".

upsideup · 19/06/2018 17:22

Why do you think 10 year old girls are wanting t wear these things

Because they think they look nice, they're comfortable, they're fashionable, theu're good for keeping cool in hot whether, they sell them in nice colours or patterns ( DD goes for anything purple or with unicorns on no matter the style or shape.) Crop tops are the easiest and most comfotable top to run around and do any sort of exersize in...

What do you think!? That they want their maths teacher to feel sexually attracted to them?

Frequency · 19/06/2018 17:22

My child wears fishnets. She bought them with her pocket money when I wasn't there. She teams them with Dr Martens, black denim shorts or a pinafore dress, a band t-shirt and an oversized army jacket. I'm fairly certain sexy isn't what she's aiming for. Gay style icon - possibly, sexually available to men - nah.

They're an item of clothing, completely inoffensive unless you make them so.

lardymclardy · 19/06/2018 17:23

Today at school I saw a year 5 girl in a summer dress so short that I could see her knickers while she was stood up. Unfortunately I think schools need to have these rules

This to me smacks of either the parents have sent her in last years dresses, have bought one too small (and cba to change it) or simply cannot afford a new summer dress - the poor girl is probably mortified!

DD is at a new school now, but I did love her previous one where old uniform got donated and sold for 50p-£1 an item. This also meant that teachers could 'give' uniform to those who they thought may not be getting the best care at home.