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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please make sure children are wearing appropriate clothing

501 replies

Damnthatdog · 19/06/2018 16:14

No mini skirts or crop tops, yr 6 leavers party.

So not children, but girls. Please make sure girls aren’t wearing anything which could be deemed provocative. Which is how it reads to me.

AIBU or not?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 20/06/2018 18:13

Why should any girl change what she wears at the age of ten to avoid being 'eye candy' what are we saying to our girls? The onus is on them to conform. I don't think so. What happened to a girl's individuality and style? Her identity....It is a dangerous road no?
Because like it or not women's clothing is designed around a socialisation model of what is attractive to men and emphasising parts associated with sexuality. Much as it's all very noble of people to go down the straw man 'if you see an issue then you are the problem', the bottom line is that some items of clothing ARE associated with sexuality.
If I wear a short skirt it's because I feel sexy and confident in it, but I am entirely aware that short skirts are attractive in thr eyes of popular culture. Equally, part of what women consider to be sexy is a product of socialisation. If I opt to wear that item of clothing then I wear it knowing how it fit within culture and that's fine.

A woman can wear whatever she like and her attire would NEVER come into it in the event of an attack. Attackers attack people, not clothes.

BUT, it's ridiculous to dress children in mini versions of women's clothing and then claim that anyone who has an issue is victim blaming children, taking identity from girls etc.
Why are so many people willing to claim 'but they want to wear it' as if that's neutral? Of course girls will want to wear them. The fashion industry and media is endlessly pushing an image of female beauty.
Why not encourage girls to be proud of who they are and not encourage and valdiate the idea that dressing in a certain way is what's pretty and desirable?

nannygoat50 · 20/06/2018 18:14

Get over it !!! This world is so pc . Maybe boys come in cropped tops aswell !!!!

lily2403 · 20/06/2018 18:15

Not very practical to wear mini skirts if you going ten pin bowling 😂

islanderin · 20/06/2018 18:16

Perhaps it is because it is a bowling night with other, maybe unsavoury adults around and for the kids' protection?

DiegoMadonna · 20/06/2018 18:18

watchingwithinterest I think you misread the OP.

mathanxiety · 20/06/2018 18:23

Crop tops and mini skirts are designed to sexualise and provoke. The age or intention of the wearer is irrelevant. Let's not pretend that short, tight, low cut, etc is for any other reason

So a ten year old wearing a crop top and mini skirt is 'asking for it'?

If someone raped or molested her would her clothing be a factor mitigating the culpability of the offender?

BluePheasant · 20/06/2018 18:24

Oh fgs. They are 10, absolutely no need to be wearing mini skirts. The school will have had issues in the past with children turning up to end of school parties dressed inappropriately hence the need to mention it in the letter. Some parents have no common sense. They are just trying to ensure the children are dressed in an age appropriate way especially since they are taking them out bowling where there could potentially be a pervert around happy to take a sneeky photo on their phone. They are simply safeguarding the children as sadly some parents think it’s fine to let their 10/11 dress like an adult.

DiegoMadonna · 20/06/2018 18:28

So a ten year old wearing a crop top and mini skirt is 'asking for it'?

The post you quoted doesn't say that at all.

auntiebasil · 20/06/2018 18:29

What if the mini skirt isn't tight. What if the crop isn't tight.
Some posters seem to have the Cadbury's Caramel rabbit in their minds.Hmm

hididdlyhoneighborino · 20/06/2018 18:33

I think it's a bit of a weird thing to put, not really the school's place to specify.

MaisyPops · 20/06/2018 18:34

math
That's a straw man.

Of course anyone being attacked wasn't asking for it! Hmm

Equally, anyone denying that women's and girla fashion and beauty is entirely neutral and just happen to want to wear items of clothing with sexual associations is being completely disingenuous.

There's a whole market and lots of money invested in teaching women and girls how to look appealing to men. There are celebs full of it, instagram and bloggers who get paid to push products and images, magazines are full of it (in a way marketing at boys isn't). It's big business. When a 10 year old child comes home saying I want to wear a mini skirt and crop tops to a school bowling event, that's not a neutral decision. It is the product of years of advertising, influencing and socialisation.

What concerns me is there are adults who can't or won't see this.

Weezol · 20/06/2018 18:35

Email the school back and demand all the kids wear their school uniform to this event. Problem solved.

singledadstu · 20/06/2018 18:37

I think you are being very unreasonable. In fact if I was the school head, I’d cancel the trip and say fuck it . Seems anything anyone says now is going to attract hurt feelings . I’d have thought it’s a demanding job looking after and teaching kids the least parents could do is support those doing it. And bitch as much as you want , I’ve got a 7yo daughter and there’s no way she’s wearing any of those types of clothes. Never mind wether they’re sexual or not. I can’t see why anyone would want their child showing less modesty

Mafrid2 · 20/06/2018 18:38

The school are just trying to keep the children in their charge safe. It's not a inside school function, it's in public and the school can't possibly know who could be around at the bowling alley. I don't think it's a feminist issue, it's just mearly a sensible precaution. Just be glad your daughter is in safe hands xxx

Yesyouarebu · 20/06/2018 18:39

I think you are being over sensitive IMO. They didn't mention gender, you did. You have issue with them directing this at girls but then you assume only girls would wear these things. You made it gender specific, not them. Can you think of a piece of 'male' clothing that would be inappropriate? This isn't about not provoking anything. It's bowling. It's to stop them flashing their knickers. Defo overreacting I'm afraid.

mathanxiety · 20/06/2018 18:39

Why shouldn't children wear mini skirts or crop tops?

I would have put a ten year old DD in any of these offerings without a second thought:
www.gap.com/products/girl-skirts.jsp

Ditto crop tops.
My DDs also wore bikinis on the beach and at the local public pool. Was I wrong to let them do this?

We know that sexual deviants also rape and molest little boys, right? And take photos? What are the boy victims doing wrong with their clothes?

Instead of perpetuating the bizarre and offensive idea that little girls, teen girls and women in general are somehow contributing to the problem of sexual deviancy on the part of men, and in the interest of keeping the children safe from deviants, the school should have scheduled the bowling trip for daytime. My DCs' school took this approach and went to a place that did 'cosmic' bowling at 11am so everyone wanted to wear the biggest white T they could lay their hands on.

DiegoMadonna · 20/06/2018 18:42

Why shouldn't children wear mini skirts or crop tops?

Why shouldn't they just go in knickers and a bra?

placemats · 20/06/2018 18:42

Great post mathanxiety

Perfectly articulating my thoughts but so much better. Thank you.

BigFatGoalie · 20/06/2018 18:42

How about just raising girls not to feel they have to wear mini skirts and crop tops just to do something fun like go bowling

Spot on.

auntiebasil · 20/06/2018 18:44

How about raising girls to learn to make their own decisions about clothing and not to be dictated to either way. For what it's worth, my 11 year old has asked to wear shorts under her school skirt so she can lark about at play time. There is no school rule demanding it; I haven't insisted on it. Her choice.

placemats · 20/06/2018 18:45

Children go in knickers and a vest whilst on a beach Diego Or maybe they change from knickers and a bra whilst on a beach to get into a bikini or a swim suit. Or change from a swim suit to knickers and a bra plus a mini skirt and a crop top after enjoying the sunshine or a swim.

Should they

Not go on beaches?

Cover up totally?

MaisyPops · 20/06/2018 18:47

How about just raising girls not to feel they have to wear mini skirts and crop tops just to do something fun like go bowling
This.
Instead of perpetuating ideas of fashion and beauty based on a model of 'this is how women and girls look attractive', why not challenge that idea.

Or alternatively, we continue to accept girls being socialised to look and act according to patriarchal values where they are objects of attraction and then pretend that we are empowering them to make choices they've been socialised into making. Even better if you can make out anyone questioning the values of fashion beauty are the real predators. Neat little way of avoiding any real challenge to the status quo, just convince women and girls that that's how they wanted to dress/act all along.

DiegoMadonna · 20/06/2018 18:47

placemats we're not talking about the beach

Easilyflattered · 20/06/2018 18:53

I worked at a school with a 3 b's dress policy for all staff and sixth formers.

No matter your age, birth gender or gender as identified with if you could see your boobs, belly or bum, it was inappropriate dress.

I bet some parents even managed to find fault with that

placemats · 20/06/2018 18:55

DiegoMadonna Can you then explain to me what the difference is in allowing a 10/11 year old to go to the beach/swimming pool party in a bikini or a swimsuit and the going to a bowling party in a mini skirt and a crop top?

Personally I'm finding it difficult to differentiate between those scenarios.

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