To say I’m not using Nap Time to do housework?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old and currently on Maternity Leave.

For three days a week my 4 year old is in childcare all day so I only have both children at home two days a week. On those two days trying to do any form of housework beyond washing up and sorting out laundry is near impossible.

My 10 month old is good with his naps, sleeping an hour in the morning and then 1.5 hours in the afternoon.

During this time I probably should do some of the housework that can’t be done when he’s awake like cleaning the kitchen floors, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning windows, polishing etc etc but I have no inclination to do so.

I’m usually knackered from a bad night with the baby and I see Nap Time as my only down time. I also use it to pursue my own interest which is writing.

There are lots of things that need doing around the house that I could do whilst my 10 month sleeps but then when would I have me time?

I’m actually considering getting a cleaner even on Maternity Leave which must be lazy of me? I don’t know?

How does everyone else balance doing housework and having down time?

I currently have one of my 10 month old twins asleep on me as he has an occasional aversion to napping elsewhere, I've got a shit load of housework to do but idgaf - I'm not gonna look back on this moment and think ah I wish I'd cleaned my floor more, I'll be grateful that I cuddled my babies as much as possible!

YANBU I have a nap myself during nap time.... (if im lucky enough that he has a nap!)

Surely you dont need to be doing things like cleaning windows and mopping floors twice a week anyway?
I just sweep the kitchen floor daily and the bathroom every couple of days.... just go round the edges of things with one of those disosable floor wipes if needed.. takes a few mins.... only actually mop around once a week

The only things I do daily are the washing up and surfaces in kitchen...sink, bath and toilet in bathroom, a load of laundry and a general tidy of the rooms before my husband comes home.... also help my toddler to tidy his room each evening. Do hoover living room but only if I get the chance not every single day.

That is it! Any other housework I wait till my husband has the day off and then he can either watch the toddler whilst I do it or he can do it whilst I watch the toddler.
Im a SAHM to a 3yo and 39 weeks pregnant with our second... 3yo not in nursery at all.
The care of the children comes first not the bloody housework!

and the thing is if you are a SAHM nap time is essentially the only 'break' you get. My husband works 12-13 hr days which is very hard but he still gets specific breaks where he can sit down with a cup of tea or lunch etc.... you only get that at home when the baby or toddler are asleep... otherwise you are essentially working the entire day.... it might not be hard manual labour but it is incredibly emotionally draining... so I either want to sleep myself or just stare into the distance or read a book when my child is asleep... otherwise you have an entire day of non stop emotional or physical work...
People think its all going to fun classes with your toddler and coffee shops.... and yeah you might do those things but you are still completely in charge of a child whom you have to keep and eye on and regulate the behaviour of the entire time... even more so if you also have a tiny baby to care for.... its not exactly a banging fun time even if you are in a nice cafe its incredibly stressful and draining
I actually used to find working full time easier if im honest

Each to their own. I cannot relax in a dirty house. Saves my sanity if I can tidy and clean. Your choice. Your house.

My 10 month old has only just started waking up less than 3 times a night, I use nap time for sleeping or watching mindless tv! And I kept the cleaner coming once I was on mat leave.

If he’s had a good night (1 wake up) I sometimes do some housework but that’s rare. I do the dishwasher and a load of washing most days while he tries to wreck the kitchen.
You’re on maternity leave, it’s a 24 hour job. It’s not housework leave!

Do what makes you happy! If window cleaning was the next thing on my list then all the important stuff would already be done, so I’d leave it!

I write (make a little bit of money but nowhere near enough for it to be my main job) and I often take a cleaning break as doing a job where you’re on autopilot let’s everything tick over in your mind, so I often come back to properly write and find I’ve solved the problem that was bugging me.

I slept approx 20 mins last night with my horribly refluxy baby. I got a cleaner I don't care that I'm lazy. I use nap time to decompress or just catch up on sleep.
As sleep improves I'll do more but at the moment housework can wait. I can just about manage to empty/load the dishwasher and make dinner for my toddler.

cleaning the kitchen floors, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning windows, polishing

These are not essential tasks - if you were saying loading the dishwasher, getting food ready, ensuring we had clean clothes to wear then I'd maybe think it was a priority but no-one NEEDS clean windows.

I had quite bad PND after DS was born, and saw a counsellor for a while. One of the things that led to the PND was that I was quite houseproud before I had DS, and it upset me that the house was so messy when he was tiny. Due to his awful colic and CMPA, he wanted to be held all the time, including when during his naps, so I’d be holding him and looking round at the terrible state of the house. My dad offered to pay for a cleaner but that got my DP’s back up, and he insisted he was perfectly capable of doing the cleaning if I couldn’t... he did his best but it still wasn’t up to my pre-baby standards. DS eventually started napping quite well during the day in his cot, but even when he was sleeping well at night too, by then I was so exhausted and strung out, I just wanted to sleep when he slept. And that meant I felt guilty because the housework still wasn’t getting done, which ultimately made my PND worse, which then made me want to curl up in a ball more - it was a vicious circle.

Anyway, my therapist advised trying to do the stuff I felt needed to be done during half his naps, and resting during the rest of his nap time. It worked quite well - I felt good about myself because I’d accomplished something most days, even if it was just a bit of hoovering or an online food shop, but I also felt less guilty about resting or reading or doing something I enjoyed when he was asleep.

Could you try that as a compromise? Housework in his first shorter nap, writing or chilling out in his second longer nap?

Fuck the polishing anyway - just do the essentials.

Tldr, spend some of the Baltimore doing house stuff, spend the rest of the time on you. Don’t polish things, life is too short.

Baltimore, ffs? Nap time, that should be.

My DD will only nap on me and if I could convince her to do it anywhere else I definitely wouldn't use the time cleaning! I do 45 mins a day split into chunks, with her in her bouncy chair or jumperoo with a toy or whatever. That keeps on top of things. But if we could afford a cleaner I'd get one, definitely! I love having a clean house but life is too short to spend it cleaning!

I’m on mat leave with a 4 month old and had one in primary school. I rarely do housework during nap time and we have a cleaner. It’s not lazy. It means I get to use nap time to work (though I’m on mat leave technically, I still have pre-existing deadlines as I’m an academic, so though I don’t get paid for any of this work, I have to still meet my publishing deadlines, respond to emails from editors, etc regardless). Though sometimes I just sit on my ass on MN like I’m doing now! I get day to day housework done when baby is awake or after I do the school run while my older one entertains him. Cleaner comes every other week for 2 hours to hoover, clean bathrooms and kitchen. It’s money well spent that means we get to spend more time together as a family.

You definitely don't need to justify yourself if you can afford it, do it. My kids are exactly the same age and I also have 3 days just with the baby. We're just getting a cleaner now as I'm going back to work but I've never really done chores during nap time. Partly as the slightest noise wakes DS up, partly as I'd rather watch Queer Eye and eat biscuits

YANBU we had a cleaner while I was on mat leave. If you can afford it, I highly recommend it! My DD didn't sleep well for a LONG time. I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep in a row for well over a year. She sleeps through now, and has a 2 hour nap in the afternoon (she's almost 2). I now use naptime (on my day's off work) to have lunch on my own/ decompress and do a bit of tidying/ cooking.

Sleep and downtime is very important.. I just lower my standards during young child phase

Defo not being unreasonable!

I stay at home and have an 11 month old that is a poor sleeper, I also have a cleaner, and my husband does loads of housework (he works full time). Actually, thinking about it, I rarely do any housework, maybe unload the dishwasher in the morning and hoover up under the high chair for any escaped crumbs of food! My husband and cleaner do the rest. I do most of the cooking though. I’ve never liked housework!

So I say, when they nap, do what you like to do, why not? It’s good to take some me time.

Just to add, when my DS naps, I normally put a box set or Netflix on. Not long finished game of thrones!

What @OkMaybeNot said:

Naps were spent watching grey's anatomy and eating swiss roll

Especially if the Swiss Roll had custard on it and it was season 1/2 of Grey's Anatomy, or, at a push, ER.

If you can afford a cleaner, get a cleaner. Money well spent, house will be clean, you can write/nap/eat swiss roll.

God totally don't feel guilty. Nap time is for slumping on sofa/sleeping/whatever you want to do. God knows we don't get any other time to ourselves! No one wishes they'd spent more time doing housework!

I thought we were supposed to nap when they nap?! DS is 18 months now and that advice still holds good here

This, this and thrice this! My DM thinks I should be ironing curtains and bleaching floors, but she didn't get up at 3:30am when ds woke up, having previously been up most of the last 18 months night.

Get a cleaner!!! Why wouldn't you? In what universe does this make you lazy? You're looking after 2 small children ffs.

You need some downtime too.

I’m so relieved to see I’m not the only one who doesn’t jump to doing housework during nap times.

My husband would hate to think of me using the only down time I get to do the housework but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I should be doing it.

On the days I have just the baby at home I put his high chair in the kitchen when he has his breakfast and I use that time to give the kitchen a once over, wash up, clean the top of the units etc etc but that’s as far as it goes.

My husband is always telling me to leave the housework but like I said, I still feel a bit guilty that I don’t do any ‘deep clean’ jobs during my day.

The house isn’t messy but there are so many things that need doing like cleaning the bannisters, cleaning the door frames, cleaning the oven, emptying and cleaning the fridge, dusting the ceiling, cleaning all the frames of the windows etc etc but I just don’t want to do it during nap times

YANBU. It's tough work this parenting lark and a bit of downtime during the day is absolutely essential. With my first child i pushed myself to use all naptimes to get stuff done around the house. She'd then wake up, screeching usually, and I'd be thrown straight back into looking after her without having had a break. I hated it. HATED it. And I'm quite sure that this impacted negatively on my parenting in quite a significant way.

Second time around I'm very much making the most of naptimes. DS has only recently started sleeping through the night at 17 months so after nearly 1.5 years of crappy broken sleep i feel precisely zero shame in giving myself a break during naps. I do what needs to be done - laundry, dishes, school admin for DD1 etc - and then i enjoy some quality sitting on my arse time. I'm much less stressed and therefore much more relaxed with the kids as a result. It's a total no-brainer if you ask me. Who gives a tiny rat's arse if the windows are grubby. Happy mum...happy kids.

Bannisters, door frames, window frames? Hmm, maybe time for their five-yearly clean here!

I did some practical jobs during nap times (basic dishwasher and washing-machine emptying etc) and am not a napper myself - but had time to myself in the evenings.