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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I’m not using Nap Time to do housework?

212 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 19/06/2018 09:22

I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old and currently on Maternity Leave.

For three days a week my 4 year old is in childcare all day so I only have both children at home two days a week. On those two days trying to do any form of housework beyond washing up and sorting out laundry is near impossible.

My 10 month old is good with his naps, sleeping an hour in the morning and then 1.5 hours in the afternoon.

During this time I probably should do some of the housework that can’t be done when he’s awake like cleaning the kitchen floors, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning windows, polishing etc etc but I have no inclination to do so.

I’m usually knackered from a bad night with the baby and I see Nap Time as my only down time. I also use it to pursue my own interest which is writing.

There are lots of things that need doing around the house that I could do whilst my 10 month sleeps but then when would I have me time?

I’m actually considering getting a cleaner even on Maternity Leave which must be lazy of me? I don’t know?

How does everyone else balance doing housework and having down time?

OP posts:
SecretLimonadeDrinker · 19/06/2018 09:48

Couldn't agree with @CauliflowerBalti more!

bitzy12 · 19/06/2018 09:50

I'm pregnant with my 3rd dc and I'm an extremely tidy and clean person. It's just the way I am. I cant function if everything is messy.

However I am prepared for the mess to start when baby is here. And when the sleepless nights start, I can't see me cleaning and hoovering when baby is sleeping. I know I'll need to sleep/rest too.

I just plan on trying to get into a routine that works for me and all my dcs. Will see how it goes though!

Honestly, sometimes the best thing you can do is things like if you are making a cuppa, tidy a few things away or give the sides a wipe down while the kettle is boiling. Same as if you have something in the microwave etc...

Also a friend of mine sets a timer for 20 mins each day. In that 20 mins, she does as much as she can, quick hoover and polish, wipes the bathroom down etc. Just makes her feel better. The rest of the time she's watching Jezza/this morning/loose women etc

0lapislazuli · 19/06/2018 09:51

Just do what you need to do. Who cares about housework, it’s really not important. Just rest. No need to feel guilty.

A few years into the future and looking back, what would you regret - trading in your sanity for a tidy house or giving yourself a break and then having the energy and good mood to play with your kids after their naps?

thecatsthecats · 19/06/2018 09:52

By all means get a cleaner, but with writing as a hobby myself, I'd try to mix it up a bit.

1st day nap during the one hour, then write 1.5h during the second nap feeling more refreshed.

2nd day nap, 1h writing, 30m cleaning.

3rd day write 1h, split 1.5h cleaning and nap.

That sort of thing. But then I don't really thrive dividing up my writing time, and a clean house can help me 'settle' better to writing.

NordicNobody · 19/06/2018 09:55

I never do anything during nap time. I nap myself, or waste time on MN. Our house is also clean but lived in. I keep on top of the washing up and laundry then dp and I take it in turns to do stuff like hoovering on the weekend. As long as your house is hygienic, take all the me time you can get

Camomila · 19/06/2018 09:55

You are up 3/4 times a night. Of course you should use naptime for relaxing! Write away :)

EmGee · 19/06/2018 09:55

YADNBU.
Definitely have down time during naps! I think I was more productive when I just had the one child - I do remember doing the 30 Day Shred during her naps. Then the second came along and I became very good at doing absolutely nothing during naps. I did have quite a tidy house though but that was because I was always getting rid of stuff/clutter - became very ruthless at getting shot of baby stuff I no longer needed. Quite often used to do a bit of housework while eldest was watching Peppa Pig and the baby was on the play mat.

blackteasplease · 19/06/2018 09:56

Yanbu. Definitely have some time for yourself. I would use it to nap myself but it's up to you.

You are working full time looking after the kids- more than full time if night times and probably evenings fall to you. If you were at work you'd have a lunch break wouldnt you?

catintheworld · 19/06/2018 09:58

You sound like you are in the privileged position of having a supportive partner and a disposable income. So yes, go for it.

But do remember that not everyone has that luxury. Often the ones without the income and the supportive husband are the ones that WILL be scrubbing the floors and washing the dishes during naptime because they have no choice. They will also be the ones with noone to come home and give them a break.

I know your thread is lighthearted. If I were in your shoes, I would go for it!

Shmithecat · 19/06/2018 09:59

It's up to you. I can't relax in a mess so I clean and tidy whilst ds naps.

postcardsfrom · 19/06/2018 10:00

Keep writing, you need something for yourself. If you're tired use nap time for a nap. The rest of it can wait. Get your DP to do the laundry as that's an easy one to do at 'odd' times and run the hoover round now and again. But keep writing. Keep writing. Everyday, even if it's just a little - you're forming an important habit by doing it every day, it's something you enjoy, it's got nothing to do with family or the house or work, and it might even pay off one day in the not too distant future.

bawbles · 19/06/2018 10:00

Sounds fine to me but obviously depends on circumstances.

My DH started having ds (1) one day a week when I went back to work and would lie on the bed relaxing while DS napped (2 hours in the morning, 2 hours in the afternoon)

I would come home and he wouldn't have prepared dinner, there would be a sink full of pots and laundry piled up. I was fuming as he was then going training so I was going to have to sort it or leave it until the following evening for him (I can't do that). The first week I didn't moan as DS was unwell so needed the extra fuss but when he did it the second week I had a right moan at him. He now does the basics and still manages a lot of relaxing (playing games on his phone) which we are all happy with,

DS is napping now and I have done a 15 minute power clean (vacuum main areas, wiped kitchen surfaces, put load of washing in etc) I now have a good hour to myself which I will sometimes use to do a home workout, shower, browse online, whatever I feel like.

Stefoscope · 19/06/2018 10:02

yanbu, use nap time to write. Months of being mostly stuck inside endlessly cleaning and looking after a baby sounds like it would get old fast. You need some time to pursue your interests and if you took on a cleaner you'd be keeping someone in employment, so it's a win win situation.

Barmypastrami · 19/06/2018 10:02

There was a sleep expert on the radio yesterday talking about the damaging effects of lack of sleep on our bodies. 4-5 hours broken sleep is nowhere near enough for our bodies and particularly our brains to work efficiently. Consequently you are not being lazy and you should be kind to yourself.

Everyone has a different experience in terms of how they cope with lack of sleep, how much support they get, how easy their children are etc. You really shouldn’t feel you have to justify yourself to anyone. And your writing is obviously important to you. So prioritise it over cleaning and give yourself a break!

Treesybreezy · 19/06/2018 10:06

Fuck the housework.

GobblersKnob · 19/06/2018 10:07

Writing is absolutely a million times more important than cleaning, whatever it is you are writing.

Dust If You Must
by Rose Milligan
Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.

SasBel · 19/06/2018 10:07

I have a cleaner, trying to keep the house clean with 3 under 5 nearly broke me. They are all at school and nursery now, I still have the cleaner. Keeps money in the local economy and keeps me sane, win win!
So go for it, and take it easy.

Pengggwn · 19/06/2018 10:09

I'm not particularly house proud, but would balk at spending two hours on a hobby while the house was a mess. Clean kitchen, clean bathroom, basically clean floor, then the rest on the hobby, would be my strategy.

Obviously you can do what you like!

Hillarious · 19/06/2018 10:09

Rocinante - Having a tidy house is more important than my writing? Do you say that to every SAHM who dares take time for herself to have a hobby? So we shouldn’t do anything for ourselves and should instead be cleaning the kitchen? Jesus. Nice attitude to have.

Were you hoping for a discussion board, or just an echo chamber here?

Isleepinahedgefund · 19/06/2018 10:09

I refused to use nap times to keep a lovely tidy house . In reality I did do some but by no means all of it, refuse to subscribe to the idea that Mat leave was for the purpose of turning into a 1950s housewife (my now ex partner did though - fuck that!)

My baby was “that” baby that did 2 hours morning and afternoon really early on - first nap was quite early so I would nap too as we would have had an early start, and second nap I would pursue my own hobby, or just relax and watch TV, or go out for a walk as baby would happily nap in the prom aswell.

HariboIsMyCrack · 19/06/2018 10:09

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ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 19/06/2018 10:10

Oh dear Christ, what kind of world do we live in when window streaks go unwiped and floors go unpolished while women engage in frivolous pursuits like writing as their babies sleep?!

You have one child already so you know these double daytime sleeps might continue for months. MONTHS! Or weeks at the very least. And yet you allow those smudges to linger. For shame. You clearly need some perspective on what is important in life.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/06/2018 10:17

Write! It's great for your mental health. You need some time to yourself to stay sane, doing whatever it is that you do to relax and let other thoughts into your brain. I found that - the decompressing effect of trying to think about something else and letting thoughts flood into my brain unprompted, other than endless immediate actions and to-do lists - really valuable. I think the effect is cumulative too, so it's about staying on top of your mental health and normality continuously, to avoid hitting a point where you're burnt out and need a lot of time and effort to come back to normal.

The point is, you need some time to yourself. Whether it's in the evening, nap-time, whenever.

There are always house-jobs that could be done, always, even in a clean house. I find it's easier and more effective to tackle that stuff as a team. Both blast it for an hour at the weekend (may need to be consecutive with young dcs). In time the dcs will join in - and actually become helpful!

DrunkUnicorn · 19/06/2018 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chipsahoy · 19/06/2018 10:24

Yanbu
I'm currently cuddling my 6 week old while he sleeps. I need to dust hoover and mop at some point. It will probably happen when Dh finishes work.
I may put baby in his crib shortly so I can do yoga and then eat yogurt and read my book. Exercise, food and rest/downtime are important for my health. That has to be priority.
Sleep deprivation takes it toll, you rest while your baby rests or do your hobby, whatever is good for you.