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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report DH for drink driving

153 replies

notmyusername321 · 18/06/2018 22:22

If you knew he was at that moment... would you call 999?

I did. and I'm the one to blame for his prosecution according to him his friends and family and have been blacklisted. unfortunately not the first time he's done it but the first time i've known about it during. his job, life.. my life, my children's lives all affected by this. WWYHD?

OP posts:
sashh · 19/06/2018 07:45

OP

Have you heard the phrase,'no good deed goes unpunished'? Ou did the right thing.

bluemascara · 19/06/2018 07:47

One more voice adding yanbu
You absolutely, unquestionably did the right thing. Well done, that must have taken some amount of courage

PenelopeFlintstone · 19/06/2018 07:51

Penelope you should be ashamed of yourself.
Well, I'm not at all! I don't see how you can't see that there are different levels. Would you call the police if you thought your friend driving home a couple of blocks had had ONE wine too many? Would you really?
I've just Googled and see that the limit is 0.08 in England and Wales, but 0.05 in Scotland, so there is some disagreement in Britain about what even constitutes drink driving. Wales and England's limit is quite high compared to the rest of the western World (according to Wikipedia).
So, as I'm not in England or Wales, for me being one drink over, I wouldn't be as drunk as you being one drink over (if you're in England and Wales). Perhaps that's why we have different opinions. If I was one drink over where I am, I would still be legal in England. I didn't know England's was higher than most of the Western world.

sparklepops123 · 19/06/2018 07:53

How would you of felt if he'd killed somebody and you knew and didn't report it? You did the right thing and if that's where his/there morals are you better off without any of them

Racecardriver · 19/06/2018 07:58

You did the right thing. I will openly admit that I wouldn't have done it for purely selfish reasons. But then again I have never seen someone do it over and over. You should file a complaint re the police failing to protect your identity.

flippyfloppyflower · 19/06/2018 07:59

op You absolutely did the right thing so never ever question yourself about that. His family are enablers and they cannot understand your actions. Deep deep down they know they should have taken action long ago so their reaction to you is out of shame and fear. Hold your head up high Flowers and think if the life(s) you have saved by doing what you did.

Penelope I have no words for how ignorant who have shown yourself to be on this topic.

SlowDown76mph · 19/06/2018 08:03

My grandfather was killed by a drunk driver as he walked home from work. Thank you for reporting. Shame on him, his friends and family.

PenelopeFlintstone · 19/06/2018 08:05

Penelope I have no words for how ignorant who have shown yourself to be on this topic. lol. whatever. read my update.

cakecakecheese · 19/06/2018 08:26

You are much better off without people in your life who would 'blacklist' you for doing the right thing.

flippyfloppyflower · 19/06/2018 08:33

Penelope I did pet - and I still stand by my statement about you.

rosesandflowers1 · 19/06/2018 08:33

Would you call the police if you thought your friend driving home a couple of blocks had had ONE wine too many?

One glass too many would increase the reaction time by a huge amount.

My respect to you OP Flowers Better he got in trouble than someone died.

YouOKHun · 19/06/2018 09:24

Penelope stop trying to be clever. Let’s hope you never have to visit the mortuary and identify the body of a loved one who is victim of someone who thinks like you. I have and it was the most horrendous day of my life and all because some woman thought ‘it’ll be fine, I’m not much over the limit’. The inquest demonstrated that her judgement was impaired and was the cause of a death and life changing injuries for the 17 year old passenger. Limits are there for a reason and ‘just one little glass over’ shows a disregard for others just the same as being way over the limit.

BottleOfJameson · 19/06/2018 09:31

I'm not sure if I'd have the guts to do it but it is 100% the right thing to do and I have enormous respect for you.

If I'm driving I don't drink a drop, I've never found this too difficult to manage.

furandchandeliers · 19/06/2018 09:36

I think that's a bit out of order tbh, you don't grass on your family, not for things like that anyway.

PenelopeFlintstone · 19/06/2018 09:37

Penelope stop trying to be clever. What on earth does that mean? I don't agree with your viewpoint.

Limits are there for a reason and ‘just one little glass over’ Limits vary from place to place. The English limit is quite high. Like I said, one glass over in this country and I'd still be legal in England.

Everyone does it where I live because there's no public transport and very few cars or people.

Sorry your post has been hijacked, OP. I was just trying to get a clearer picture so I could truthfully answer the question you asked us.

specialsubject · 19/06/2018 09:40

so what do you 'grass' on your family for in a world where drink driving is acceptable?Hmm

for those in real life not eastenders - good for you, op, and good luck in a new life where you are no longer bound to a murderous arsehole.

onalongsabbatical · 19/06/2018 09:48

Everyone does it where I live because there's no public transport and very few cars or people.
Are you seriously suggesting that that justifies it? The options - don't drink, or drink at home, designate a driver, walk? Honestly you sound like you've been asleep for fifty years, it's the kind of argument used way back when more people were simply ignorant of the consequences. There's no justification. None. The potential consequences are too horrendous to make it worth it, as you'd understand if you read people's posts properly.

Namethatchange · 19/06/2018 09:49

If he had ploughed his car into a tree and killed himself his family would blame you for that. You did the right thing, how could you live with yourself if he had killed a young child and you made no attempt to stop him. Worse what if he did it while your children were in the car. He put you in a terrible situation but you 100% did the right thing, be proud of yourself and let them know it.

Tiredmum100 · 19/06/2018 09:51

You were not unreasonable for reporting someone who thought it was acceptable to get in to a car drunk and drive. He deserves everything he gets. On the news recently there was a report of a father who committed suicide as both his sons had been killed during a hit and run. This could have been your not so "dear" partner. Sorry he's a twat. You're not.

BeenThereDone · 19/06/2018 09:52

You did the right thing..... I did the same. Although they didn't catch him. But I told him myself that I will do it every time he gets behind the wheel after drinking.

We separated very shortly afterwards. I have no idea if he still does it but I have made it clear to the children (late teens now) to never get in the car with him if he has been drinking. They have had their own rows with him over it.

All you can do is try to make sure that they are not in the situation in the future.

You did the right thing and to hell with the rest of them.

whatsmynametoday · 19/06/2018 10:00

You did the right thing. And probably something a lot of people would say they would do but wouldn't actually have the balls to.

If he'd killed himself and you knew he'd been drink driving they would blame you.

If he'd killed someone else, potentially someone they know, and you knew he'd been drink driving they would blame you.

You're better off out of this family and to be honest so are your children. They don't need people who think putting others lives at risk in their lives. Ignore them and hold your head up high, you did the right thing and set your children the right example.

PenelopeFlintstone · 19/06/2018 10:02

Are you seriously suggesting that that justifies it? Yes.
The options - don't drink, or drink at home, designate a driver, walk? Nah. No-one would ever see anyone.
Honestly you sound like you've been asleep for fifty years, it's the kind of argument used way back when more people were simply ignorant of the consequences. If I'm over the limit at 0.06 or 0.07, I don't believe I'm a danger but it's illegal here. I think you're all imagining someone driving over 0.08, but I've never been talking about that because I didn't know that England and Wales had such a high limit.
Would you all judge me for driving at 0.07, even though that's legal in England?

Nicknacky · 19/06/2018 10:04

penelope What kinda dick comes onto a forum to admit and brag to drink driving?

It makes no odds if you consider yourself safe to drive, the limit is now lower and quite frankly, who wants to risk their licence for the sake of one glass of wine?

Haberpop · 19/06/2018 10:09

You absolutely did the right thing OP.

Krouse64 · 19/06/2018 10:13

If someone was running around with a lethal weapon everyone would be dialling 999. To me a car is a lethal weapon in the wrong hands. My sister and her 2 sons were killed over 20 years ago by a drunk driver. They received a minimum jail sentence and a 5 year driving ban. We received a life sentence as a family we will never recover. So in my eyes your a hero, because of you a family isn’t going through the same heartache as us xxx

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