To be annoyed by people who always insist on hosting?

[bbqfan]

So everything has been discussed and decided among a group of people to go out. Then someone drops the "or we could do it at mine?"
No - then it's not going out!
DP thinks it's a control thing.
Don't mind if they are throwing a party for an occasion they've decided on but this feels like hijacking!

I love going to someone's house. You get to hang out longer, you can talk and catch up. So much more fun than going out, IMO.

And, if you're not at your house, you are out.

Some people can't afford babysitters. It's easier to be at home. Some people like hosting. Some people get overwhelmed by going "out".

Urgh. I know someone who does this. I agree - really annoying. And then sometimes she cancels last minute too and the whole thing doesn't happen.

For me it’s a confidence thing and sometimes going out out can make me feel quite stressed. Staying at home is comfortable and familiar-plus it’s free for everyone else.

I think I might be guilty of this. For me it’s generally because of the reasons Steff13 said, and I just generally feel more comfortable, though it depends what we’re doing. I can see the allure of going to dinner or to the cinema, but if we’re all going to a room to have a few drinks and listen to music, I don’t see the difference between a bar and my front room except it’s cheaper.

I never thought I might annoy someone by offering though

It's annoying. We have friends who always change plans. I'll invite her to a movie and she'll accept and then be like let's go to that Thai place for dinner instead, we can talk more.... ummm no, I wanted to go to the movies. Or when inviting them to dinner, day of dinner they will start suggesting other places.... ummm no, we wanted to go here.
No big deal, just a tad annoying.

In our group it means we get to hang out with both of the couple, so it’s a mixed group rather than the girls going out or the boys going out.
I like it.

Ohhh, actually once we were all going to the Lagoon for a swim and they invited us to their place instead and then wouldn't let the kids in the pool because it was too hot in the middle of the day (we're in oz)

Hi OP sometimes it's not all it seems. This person may have suggested it for a reason. They could be have money trouble at that point or be having issues with mental health (I.e anxiety) there's so many different reasonings other that they're trying to control something! A friend of mine suffers anxiety, depression and PTSD and she often, on bad weeks, cancels our plans or says to come to hers in instead. There's only a cpl of us that know what she's going through and the group of friends were slagging her for bailing or wanting to change plans and it was awful because I couldn't explain to them. Honestly don't judge her for offering an alternative as there may be a reason for it. I get it is frustrating and there's nothing wrong with feeling a bit annoyed about a change, you're not being unreasonable at all but sometimes the situation isn't what it seems. I hope that whatever you and your friends do you have a wonderful time OP x

I much prefer going out to going to someone’s house. You can choose to eat/drink what you like, when you like and you can arrive/leave when you want. It is not the same having drinks in someone’s living room with all their kids toys about all over the place, as it is going somewhere with a dance floor/good music etc.

I love going to my friends houses, and having people to us, but not when it’s a night OUT!

Yeah that would annoy me. I prefer the pub than someone's house even if it's more expensive.

There is a difference between going to a friend's house and going out. Both are fun, but they are not interchangeable in terms of experience. I'd be annoyed at someone who consistently made my friendship group feel obliged to swap one for the other.

Maybe they're to embarrassed to say they can't afford going out?

There is a bit of control for some people, they like to be in charge

Nowadays I wouldn’t mind although but when DC. we’re younger I wouldn’t be keen on paying a babysitter to go to someone’s house.
Before the DC’s csne sling one of DH’s girlfriends was like that we would all be out having a good time then midway through she would say let’s all go back to ours. Where she would put depressing music on then disappear after half an hour and go to bed. Spoiling the night for the rest of us and it being the wrong end of town so taxi’s twice the price. If we ever said thanks but i’d Rather stay in town she would go off in a mood ruining the night that way. So we all ended up trotting along obediently as we felt sorry for her DP now she was a control freak.

You are still going 'out out'. What's the disadvantage to you?
The advantages are that it's cheaper, etc etc.
You sound unusually bothered by this. Why?

Very annoying, sometimes people are much more relax in a "neutral" territory than at somebody's house where you have to tip toe. It starts when some people demand that you take your shoes off, you are expected to split the cost and so on. You don't relax and have as much fun than you would have when you are out, where you can order what you like, spend as much or as little as you like.

I know someone who does this! It always has to be at their house. They tell the same boring stories and honestly it's just like Groundhog Day. If you invite them to yours, there's always an excuse. Then they'll invite us to theirs again.

The wife had to come round to ours for something recently, she wouldn't have a glass of wine, cup of tea, anything. She declined every single gesture of hospitality I offered. Then invited us to hers for Sunday lunch. No thanks.

I think your DH is right - it's a control thing.

'ALWAYS insist on hosting' says thread title.
Your OP doesn't explain if this is a one off or regular occurrence.

So what did you do OP?

Say:"actually thanks for the offer but we always seem to end up coming to yours, and we really want to mix that up with other places/other restaurants. Plus I really wanted to go to xxxxx this time? "

Going to someones house is nice but its not the same

Going out means you see and chat to other people you dont know (at the pub), its just a livelier vibe and heres the crucial part, you leave when you like without worrying you're under/over staying.

"tell the same boring stories "

So why are you socialising with people you clearly don't like?

One of my friends does this. It's a bit of a pain just because it's further away for me than meeting up in town would be (two longish bus rides instead of one), but I think for him the reason could be that he's a carer, and thus will be at home if there's an emergency, and won't have to travel far and leave cared-for-person alone for a long time. So we do go to his quite a lot, and I don't mind. We still get to have a catch up, and he always has plenty of nice food and drink, and a gorgeous garden if the weather's nice.

I have a person like this in my group. I love her!! She's a great cook and we always have a fab, silly drunken, relaxed night there.

I don't really like going out though so I'm biased!

“DP thinks it's a control thing.”

Of course it isn’t
What a weird thing to get annoyed about. I went to dinner at a friend’s house on Saturday. It cost me a bottle of wine and a plant – far cheaper than going out. Pus we could relax more, choose what music we could listen to, and I would say that I didn’t have to drive, but I was on standby to pick DD up, otherwise I could have drunk as much wine as I wanted to.

“It is not the same having drinks in someone’s living room with all their kids toys about all over the place”

My friend’s children have grown up and left home (left the country actually), and DD is 17 and was out.