To be annoyed by people who always insist on hosting?

[bbqfan]

So everything has been discussed and decided among a group of people to go out. Then someone drops the "or we could do it at mine?"
No - then it's not going out!
DP thinks it's a control thing.
Don't mind if they are throwing a party for an occasion they've decided on but this feels like hijacking!

One step but you cant do as planned as the group without either upsetting the host to be or splitting in two.

I get you. I like dress I.g up when i.go out. Can't really do that when you have to take your shoes off in.someone's house. I do.like house things, but not if I've been expecting out out.

I love it when my friend suggests theirs as opposed to out out. They’ve a big socialising kitchen, speakers planted all over and it normally ends up in something stupid like a 5am conga line through the house. (Actually that one was at ours but you get the picture 😂)

It's more the fact of having to cater all the time to the one whiner, I think. If you've got a group member who always wants to do something other than what the rest of the group have planned, then you basically give that person the option of having their choice of activity another night, and go ahead with your original plans. Otherwise you end up with a situation where plans are repeatedly fucked up by the whiner and, if the whiner is particularly manipulative or good at playing the martyr card, the group falls apart in the end because some people will start pulling away while others will be wringing their hands about the need to 'include everyone' ie indulge the whiner.

We got the "or we could have it at mine"
Couldn't exactly say "no thanks!"

Of course you could - that would have been the perfect time, when they were just putting it out there as a suggestion. "No, thanks for the offer, but I'd like to go 'out out' this time. Maybe we can do another night at yours, next month ?" type thing.

YABU to be annoyed at people always wanting to host - if they aren't expecting you to host back, they would be my new favourite friends

However, YANBU at people trying to change the plans to something completely different once a group have agreed, and made arrangements for one thing. That isn't what you asked though

I prefer it. I hate people coming to mine, and prefer someone else to take the wheel.

Ynbu it's annoying

Ybu as just say we'd prefer to go out.

There is a lady like this that did the same over group message and said why don't you come to mine instead . We replied that we wanted to keep the plan and she had to accept it. Sorted.

but you can’t reply “ we’d prefer to go out” in a group message because you don’t actually know what the whole group would prefer. Unless you start another group message getting a vote. But that comes across as being petty and who wants to start doing that kind of thing anyway? YANBU.

No but you can say "I would prefer to go out. What would everyone else prefer to do?" If they don't mind spending the even sat in someone's lounge again then I guess there's not much you can do about that, except pull out and go out with someone else.

We have a couple like this in our friendship group!

They do throw a lovely party, their house is great for parties and they are lovely people. However, we always end up driving a car full of friends there (its an hour away) and back, we have to sleep over and it means that a party takes up the entire weekend. We rebel occasionally and form a splinter group who live closer together!