To be annoyed by people who always insist on hosting?

[bbqfan]

So everything has been discussed and decided among a group of people to go out. Then someone drops the "or we could do it at mine?"
No - then it's not going out!
DP thinks it's a control thing.
Don't mind if they are throwing a party for an occasion they've decided on but this feels like hijacking!

Yeah that would really annoy me. I love having people over or going to someone else's, but I also love going out, and the two are totally different experiences. If someone wants to host, they should do it as well as everyone going out, not instead of. Sometimes in life your friends will be going on a night out you can't afford or don't fancy for some reason - most people take a turn at missing a night out for whatever reason, it doesn't mean you get to change everyone else's plans.

I like visiting friends but sometimes it would be nice if they accepted my invite to come over to my place. Problem is that I don't have a modern all nice place like my friends and I feel the idea of meeting up is to just 'show off'. So going out somewhere outside of our homes is a good neutral option.

I have a friend like that and it is sooooo annoying. Our group are scattered around villages, she is the furthest away. Nights out are changed into a cuppa at her house. Boring and inconvenient!

Definitely a control thing in her case.

I love it when someone suggests in instead of out

Quite apart from being a fraction of the cost, my hearing is duff, and it's a lot easier to chat to everyone somewhere normal volume.

Another reason to love Mumsnet. Totally differing views explained. It would never cross my mind that an offer to host an event would be seen as a passive aggressive act! Having said that a cuppa would not be my idea of hosting.

This happened to me when pregnant, I got all the girls that I wanted to agree to come out, just a quiet midweek meal, I had even chosen what I wanted off the menu then at the last minute one person insisted that we went to theirs instead. It was my last opportunity for a night with them before having my DS. I really wish I had put my foot down.

Same person still does this but get overruled more by the group.

I hate this! It’s so annoying and controlling. I don’t want to spend the night in your living room thanks.

YANBU if they do this all the time - now and then I wouldn't mind but would get very annoying if it was constant!

Im always stuck at home. I want to go out out. Takeaways are not the same. Its like annual leave at home vs going away. Sometimes its ok, sometimes you need a change of scenary

I'd love this!! Someone else permanently prepared to do the work of hosting. Happy days.

If we're getting all dressed up looking forward to a night out, slobbing in someone's living room instead is going to be disappointing.
Plus most of our nights out involve live music, a bit difficult to pull off at home.

I prefer it myself as I hate noisy places. Maybe they feel like that?

If everything has been decided and settled as a group and this one person keeps derailing and rearranging plans everyone was happy with, well that does sound a bit strange/controlling to me.

I have a friend who does this all the time. It is controlling and it drives me mad!

I guess it depends what the "going out" entailed. If it was just drinks in a weatherspoons then pizza express I can see why they'd rather have it at theirs. If it was something that required a bit of planning (choosing nice restaurant/bar/club whatever selecting a film everyone really wanted to see at the cinema etc) then I see what you mean.

Yeah if it was a dressing up and going out dancing night out then I can see that sitting in someone's house making sure you don't wake up their kids is definitely not the same. (Being a lazy slob that thought hadn't even occured to me)

Some people enjoy wetherspoons and pizza express

I don't see how it is controlling. I think the word "controlling" is far too freely used on MN when people don't really undetsrand the meaning of it.

Is changing your mind about going out controlling? Is deciding to go somewhere different controlling? Is not going out at all controlling?

No to all of them.

If they don’t like noisy places then don’t come out to said noisy places when it’s all arranged? Just take a raincheck. Don’t try and change the plans so everyone else has to go along with your preferences.

If it’s just drinks/a get together I prefer someone’s house to a local pub so IMO YABU. All our pubs have loud music and I have poor hearing and want to be able to hear a conversation. Pubs also tend to have rubbish wine and I am fussy. Someone’s house is also normally acheaper option. I can buy a bottle of champagne or a whole bottle of gin for the price of one round in a pub.

If the conversation was about visiting a particular restaurant or event then that’s different and YANBU.

i hate when they do it AFTER you've said yes to going. You all arranged to go out for drinks/a meal and you agreed. Then they want it at theirs, and, because you've already said yes, you can't then say "ah nevermind, i will skip it".

i dont mind if they say it before things are decided though.

You need to have a firm booking with a place and even a deposit down. That would cut down the ability to derail.

I'm surprised you're annoyed by this OP, it sounds like it was only a suggestion. Surely if you'd prefer to go out you can just say so?

If everyone is happy with booking and contributed money, that seems pretty definite that they want to go out.