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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my sil is awful

233 replies

RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:29

God give me strength. I'm due to get married next month and although I don't get on with sil have asked her to be bridesmaid to include her. We had a dress fitting yesterday and she went on and on about how huge I'll be on the day (I'll be 21 weeks pregnant). I laughed it off but I wanted to tell her where to go.

We went for lunch afterwards and obviously I wasn't drinking but she got wasted. I had to get her into a taxi and back to her parents. She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me. I couldn't be arsed with her so I've told her to grow up and left. I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's away with work.

OP posts:
SuitedandBooted · 19/06/2018 20:20

Keep all the messages and print them if you can. Get DP to call his parents and ask to meet them ASAP - today if you can, and definitely without SIL around. You need to draw a line under this - it is getting too stressful for you. Show them the messages, tell them she is uninvited, and will not be welcome at your home. You must show them the black and white evidence of what she is saying, so she can't try and muddy things.

Don't try and "rise above it" - people like her don't see that as a positive. They see it as acknowledging and accepting their treatment of you, and shows they are in the right, and you are weak.

peachdribble · 19/06/2018 20:23

I would’ve asked her to be bridesmaid to keep the peace too - it’s so disappointing when ungrateful folk piss on generosity like that. Sorry things have turned out this way op but there’s no way she can be allowed to spoil your wedding

Tinkie25 · 19/06/2018 20:29

She would not be coming to my wedding. Awful women.

BrendasUmbrella · 19/06/2018 20:30

Oh god... White is not the Sacred Magic Colour of Virgins Only that people who have sex are prohibited from wearing. Though I've noticed this tired old bollocks mainly gets trotted out when a pregnant woman or a more mature woman gets married, even though the vast majority of young childless brides have shagged the man they are about to marry. It's hypocritical nonsense. "She's pregnant! Now how can we pretend her vag has never been penetrated? Shameless..."

The preference for white wedding dresses started here after Queen Victoria wore one. It was white simply because colourful wedding dresses had been the norm and white was different. Etiquette books like to rewrite history and blabber on about "purity of the unsullied soul she now yields to him" but it was just a very rich woman's style preference which got picked up by other rich people, then filtered down to us plebs.

Loreleigh · 19/06/2018 20:34

I agree with those saying that you should not have her as a bridesmaid and to not let her attend your wedding - I'd wager she will pull a stunt to try and ruin your day somehow. If you have to pick the lesser of two evils, as such, it might be better that she was bitching from a distance than in front of your nearest and dearest on your special day. Enjoy your wedding, your pregnancy and future married life - don't let one cow spoil things for you. Good luck :)

Passingwords · 19/06/2018 20:50

OP getting face to face is the only way forward here- you, DH, SIL and if needed MIL. You start by saying in front of everyone-SIL when you were drunk you said u was a tart and prep by DH in purpose. You also sUd x,yo. This makes me feel sad. I would like to know how you feel now you are sober as I need to know if we can have any kind of relationship - then do not say another word and see what she says/DH reaction etc then take it from there. You are wasting your time otherwise- get them in a room and get it out in the air and sorted or it will rumble on for ever

PieAndPumpkins · 19/06/2018 20:59

Screen shot all those messages so you can show In Laws if they try to defend her. What a bitch! She sounds jealous and bitter I think.

AreThereAnyLumpsInIt · 19/06/2018 21:28

This is your day. This is your life. You can choose to either have negativity around you or not.

She clearly hates you for whatever reason, despite the fact that her brother is happy. She's rude, disrespectful, unkind and for some reason, she thinks her opinion matters.
Get rid of her!!! Uninvite her! Cut her off completely! This wedding should be about you two and her presence will most likely sour the whole day.

Be brave OP! Make a stand Smile
Kudos to your fiancé for supporting you and fighting your corner!

Biblio78 · 19/06/2018 22:04

Goodness me why is she still your bridesmaid. She told you you are a tart. What on earth will she do on your big day?

Itchyknees · 19/06/2018 22:16

What Passingwords said. Have a straightener.

GabsAlot · 19/06/2018 23:32

shes a nasty bitch and even though you thought u were doing the right thing shes not entitled to be a bm with the way she treats you

just because shes his sister means nothing

glad hes got your back

HarshingMyMellow · 19/06/2018 23:41

Don't allow her to attend your wedding and do not allow her near your son or the new baby.

She's nuts.

Tell her to do her worse, absolutely scumbag of a person she is.

I don't know how you haven't told her to fuck herself yet tbh.

jocarter67 · 20/06/2018 08:00

Do her parents know how pathetic and vicious she is being? Your wedding day is your special day, you also don’t need your DC to hear any of this, to me she sounds like a pathetic spoilt brat who really needs taking down a peg or 2

goose1964 · 20/06/2018 08:06

She sounds just like one of my daughter's SisiL, They invited her to their wedding but she turned the invitation down and didn't invite them to her wedding at all. They're now NC and it's the best thing they ever did

woosey35 · 20/06/2018 09:01

Id agree with pp ‘s in printing out her messages and showing her parents. She sounds vile and needs to be called up on this. The longer it goes ‘unnoticed’ by others, the worse her comments will begin. Then maybe she will follow her comments through with actions. I’d hate for her to get drunk at your wedding and her loose lips begin again....she has the ability to ruin your day.
Embarrass her and bring her down a peg or two before the wedding gets any closer

Twinkle7 · 20/06/2018 09:27

My sil is a complete psycho. I absolutely detest her. I literally cant wait for the day my brother leaves the nut job. Tell her to fuck right of to fuckety fucksville and treat her with the contempt she deserves

Kellieann32 · 20/06/2018 09:32

I feel for you I get married in 10
Weeks in Malta and even though my sil isn’t coming she expected me to buy her a bridesmaid dress and shoes and let her wear it to the reception here and make a big speak about why she couldn’t make it to the wedding 🙄🙄 it kicked massively when I told her no! Just
Uninvite and definitely nc

Bumble1830 · 20/06/2018 09:39

Is she happily coupled? If not, I would guess she is jealous for what ever reason. Rise above it, tell her she is no longer required as a bridesmaid, she can come to the wedding if she wishes, but make it clear that whatever she does, it won't ruin your day,just keep smiling, she'll hate it if you don't react.

embo1 · 20/06/2018 10:12

First of all, HUGE CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Secondof all, she's clearly opposes the relationship, so she needs to make other plans for YOUR Big Day.
Get whoever is paying for the wedding to do it - but don't do it yourself, then forget about her and enjoy!

LuMarie · 20/06/2018 10:13

@Twinkle7 lol:)

Did you see the video of Obama giving a speech at the Correspondence Dinner and he had an "Anger Translator" with him? It's hilarious, it's on youtube...

You are my SIL related feelings Anger Translator Halo

natjojo · 20/06/2018 10:29

Jealousy is a beast.

Tell your fiancé when the moment is right. He will be put in an awkward position so allow for that. He needs to know nonetheless. Things can only get better if she admits she was an arse and regrets what she said as she was drunk and of course apologises and you both move on, or thngs will only get worse in time if indeed she is an arse. He needs to know that happened because at some point he may have to choose between his blood family and his new family and he will choose you (every time). It will hurt him but life is such. Noone chooses their siblings.

Frogscotch7 · 20/06/2018 10:39

Your fiancé sounds great and you’re so lucky he has such a good relationship with your eldest. Congratulations on the pregnancy and upcoming wedding. Focus your attention on your kids, your fiancé, your family, your friends. SIL can go fuck herself.

bsbabas · 20/06/2018 10:42

You slept with your sil crush did you not know? I'm not sure I'd be over the moon either.

KarenJS123 · 20/06/2018 11:04

No way would I have her as a bridesmaid. What’s the point if she carries on like that. And you have to tell her that.

GabsAlot · 20/06/2018 11:26

bsb does it matter it was obviously a long time ago its irrelevant to her behaviour now