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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my sil is awful

233 replies

RioTheParrott · 17/06/2018 23:29

God give me strength. I'm due to get married next month and although I don't get on with sil have asked her to be bridesmaid to include her. We had a dress fitting yesterday and she went on and on about how huge I'll be on the day (I'll be 21 weeks pregnant). I laughed it off but I wanted to tell her where to go.

We went for lunch afterwards and obviously I wasn't drinking but she got wasted. I had to get her into a taxi and back to her parents. She sat on the couch and told me I'm a tart and she's disappointed her brother is marrying me. I couldn't be arsed with her so I've told her to grow up and left. I haven't told my fiancé yet as he's away with work.

OP posts:
TragicallyUnbeyachted · 19/06/2018 17:59

Snappedandfarted2018 Tue 19-Jun-18 08:01:04
Oh now I think I know who this is! You introduced your dp very quickly and was immediately calling him dad after a short time. A lot of people agreed with her that it was far too soon and confusing.

As OP says that she and her fiance got together when her son was 6 months old it seems rather unlikely that she's the person you're thinking of.

pandabear1 · 19/06/2018 18:01

Cut her out of your life - you don't need this

pollymere · 19/06/2018 18:13

Just make sure that your fiance is aware and his parents too if possible. My SIL told a lot of believable lies which created vast wedges, although my dh was more confused than anything.

PatchworkElmer · 19/06/2018 18:15

I’d keep screenshots of everything l, then delete and block her. You don’t need this stress, but you might need a little reminder of how how vile she is in the future!

Yogagirl123 · 19/06/2018 18:16

Sounds like my SIL, a right sweetheart not, NC is the best option IMHO, DH hasn’t had anything to do with her for many years. Jealousy I expect OP. Don’t let it bother you.

minniebirdy · 19/06/2018 18:22

Sorry but there are few things more ridiculous than pregnant women doing the whole big church thing and especially getting married in white. Do the decent thing and go to a registry office.

Earthakitty · 19/06/2018 18:24

Do not ever imagine you have to just " put up " with vile family members purely by way of the fact you're related.
Dump her now or else your life ( and quite possibly your marriage ) will become a battleground.
If your fiance cares about you he'll have a stern word with her and tell her he won't have his wife be made to feel second rate and to either apologise or stay away.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/06/2018 18:25

minniebirdy
Are you the SIL? You certainly seem to be cut from the same cloth. Hmm

Sauvignonne · 19/06/2018 18:27

Minnibirdy

I just read this whole tread and can't find the bit about a OP marrying in a church and a white dress. Can you find it and quote it for me?

SenoritaViva · 19/06/2018 18:31

Really minniebirdy? So the OP's choice of wedding (which you've just assumed) means she's deserved of abuse and horrible behaviour. Whatever her choice of wedding, no one deserves that.

Smudge100 · 19/06/2018 18:31

Talk to your fiance. She's his sister and he has a point of view in this. My guess is that he won't want her there either if that is how she feels about your relationship but if you have his support, you're in a much stronger position when telling her to do one. Which, given her appalling behaviour, she must be expecting, quite honestly.

fourseatsandasteeringwheel · 19/06/2018 18:32

Absolutely do let her be at your wedding.

My BIL said some bile things about me before my wedding but as DH comes from a large family where they all just do as BIL says (eldest child definitely PFB!) they all interfered and convinced DH to let it go. For his sake I did. Cue years of issues and everyone always turning a blind eye to his behaviour.

Now we are NC and never been happier.

fourseatsandasteeringwheel · 19/06/2018 18:33

Should have said don't let her be at wedding

keyboardkate · 19/06/2018 18:36

(Most) Weddings are mad. If they didn't exist in all their glory there would be none of this drama.

It is a contract between two people and two witnesses at the end of the day.

MeDented · 19/06/2018 18:37

Is she just being protective of her brother? How long were you together before you fell pregnant, how old is your son now? It doesn’t sound like his parents are over the moon with the situation either and whilst it’s really nobody else’s business but your own it is natural for his family to have concerns if the whole thing has been rushed. You haven’t confirmed f this was the case so maybe it’s not relevant I just prefer to believe there are always 2 sides to every story and it’s easier to reach an amicable solution if people at least try to understand the others point of view. This lady will also be your child’s aunt.

niccyb · 19/06/2018 18:37

Just because she is due to be your sil doesn’t mean she gets to bad mouth you and be your bridesmaid. I would get rid and let your fiancé know what’s she’s been up to

whiteonred · 19/06/2018 18:37

I would not have her at the wedding.

You will spend the whole day wondering when she is going to kick off.

She hates you and she has made that clear. You should only have people at your wedding who are happy for you. That is the whole point of a wedding. To celebrate. She won't be celebrating. Tell her she is not invited.

Deadpoet · 19/06/2018 18:40

I think I’ve spoken to my SIL about. 5 times the entire time I’ve been with my DH. We’ve been together 23 years. Let it go over your head because at the end of the day her goal seems to be to break you and your fiancé up and it’s just not working. You’ve already won. Congratulations on your up and coming wedding.

Bluelonerose · 19/06/2018 18:43

Op I feel your pain my sil hasn't liked me from day one and always makes sly little digs which sadly my dh doesn't seem to pick up on and thinks the sun shines out of her arse Hmm

The best was when I was sympathizing with her over new born not sleeping she replied with "you wouldn't no your not a single mom"
The fact that none of my 3dc are her brothers Confused

Definitely don't let her to the wedding. Oh and when speaking to bump be sure she hears you mention aunty cowbag Wink

lubeybooby · 19/06/2018 19:28

he needs to actually phone her again and tell her to stop harassing you and that she's now not invited to the wedding AT ALL

fourandnomore · 19/06/2018 19:41

SNappedandfarted I thought of that thread too, but no idea how to find it. Sounds similar. I wouldn’t let her come at all, disaster waiting to happen, screenshot, copy to rest of family and explain she’s not coming, why and say not up for discussion.

Ladymadness · 19/06/2018 19:41

minniebirdy

Sorry but there are few things more ridiculous than pregnant women doing the whole big church thing and especially getting married in white. Do the decent thing and go to a registry office.

Hmm

ODFOD

ktp100 · 19/06/2018 19:44

Do the decent thing and go to a registry office.
Judgmental much?
Seriously, their wedding, their choice. If anyone gets sneery about it It's their problem, not OP's.

ilovegin112 · 19/06/2018 20:06

So she doesn’t like you because you slept with a guy she fancied ? you let your dp call your child daddy and the family think you got pregnant on purpose?

What a queer family you are marrying into You shouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid

DesertSky · 19/06/2018 20:19

minniebirdy are you the SIL? Hmm