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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel if a teacher did this to your child?

285 replies

Beenherebefore · 17/06/2018 21:36

Background -
Private school, in year 7. Good kid, all the teachers say so and so do I. Was head girl last year. Doing well, respectful yadda yadda.

So she was in a maths lesson. The teacher was a supply teacher. My daughter raises hand to ask teacher for help as she was stuck on a question.
As she was looking at her book and explaining where she needed help the teacher suddenly took my Daugher's head in her hands and snapped it up and round to the white board, said "read what it says and then speak to me" and then sharply turned her head back to her book and let go.

My daughter came out of school an hour later and told me about it immediately. Not one to make a fuss she told me it had hurt her and that while it didn't still hurt she could feel where it had happened.

I called the school. They said they would treat as safe guarding issue and meet me on Monday.

How would you play this?
I'm not happy and I want this dealt with but not sure how far I should take it.

Would you be as cross and upset as I feel about it?

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 18/06/2018 09:38

Are you meeting the school this morning?

Backstabbath · 18/06/2018 09:44

Psychologically damaging... that completes the set of MN bingo for this thread.

Can we please wait and get the teachers side of the story before we commit this teacher to a life of solitary confinement.

all we have is one side of the story from an 11/12 year old.

Do you really think the teacher 'snapped' her head back, or just pointed her head in the direction of the board.

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 09:49

Sparklyshoes, she came out of school an hour later because this happened in the last lesson of the day, so she had finished school. I was waiting for her in the car. I immediately telephones the school but by the time I got to speak with the deputy head that deals with safe guarding issues the teacher in question had left for the day. I did try and sort in out then and there.

OP posts:
BottleOfJameson · 18/06/2018 09:50

Can we please wait and get the teachers side of the story before we commit this teacher to a life of solitary confinement.

Who is committing anyone to solitary confinement? OP asked if the situation as described is acceptable. Almost everyone agreed that it is unacceptable. Obviously there will need to be an investigation into exactly what happened and the teacher is hardly going to be struck off on the word of one 12 year old. OP was clearly trying to gauge how seriously she should take what her DD told her.

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 09:51

Backstabbath - Yes I really do think she 'snapped' her head round. She showed me what she did, later she demonstrated it on her father. She has since repeated this once time had passed over the weekend. It HURT her neck. That is my point here and why I am cross.

OP posts:
frami · 18/06/2018 09:54

Not defending the teacher but are you sure she is an actual teacher? I work as a cover teacher. I have lots of experience but was really thrown in the deep end at first (one mornings training and not in a class.) and can understand how the teacher could have snapped. Behaviour towards cover staff can be appalling often it is the fault of the school/actual class teacher who are supposed to supply the cover staff with lesson plans etc. The best will include information such as children who should not be sat together, those with learning difficulties etc and will look at your qualifications and if you have any knowledge of the subject. The worse will supply you with nothing, a recipe for disaster and you lose control of the class and in extreme cases yourself. Therefore the first question I would ask the school is whether about the qualifications of the person taking the class? And what is their policy on employing agency staff? Private schools use agencies a lot (they can afford to) but will be looking to save money as well. Cover staff such as myself are cheaper than fully qualified teachers.

willyloman · 18/06/2018 09:54

Absolutely out of line. Would want some assurance teacher will not be back.

ohfourfoxache · 18/06/2018 09:57

Leaving the teacher aside for a moment, is your dd ok? Might be worth a GP appointment if she has any neck pain at all, especially if she’s hurt it before

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 10:02

MemyselfandIrene2

I find your post a tad on the unpleasant side actually. You seem crosser than I do about the whole issue!

Your comment "And now your little darling private school girl has been told off (god forbid as she was head girl you know) " is actually just plain rude.
I mentioned she was in a private school because I thought it was important to give an idea of the setting. She is in a school where the girls don't say boo to a goose in terms of speaking back to teachers etc. As for the head girl comment, again, I was simply trying to give the example that she is well thought of and a good role model type student.
You seem to have a problem with the private school / head girl comment, not sure why? Your issue though, not mine.

I'm not "marching into school and tell them I don’t want that teacher to ever lay eyes on her again?". You really do seem so cross that I would feel the need to complain that a teacher physically hurt my child.
I phoned the school and explained the incident to them using my daughters words . They took it seriously. And it's not about not wanting the teacher to ever lay her eyes on my child again but no, I'd rather she didn't teach my daughter again after this.

And re - "Why not ask the teacher what happened - an adult?" -
a) I trust my daughter to tell the absolute truth and b) I have spoken to the school so that the teacher can be asked, that's the whole point of contacting the school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 10:07

Frami - I have no way of knowing what her qualifications are until after the meeting I guess, all will be revealed, i'm sure :-)

Offorfoxsache (great name!) - yes she's fine now. It hurt at the time, and I think shocked her too, and she could feel where her neck had been hurt later still that evening but said it didn't actually hurt. I've asked her to move her head round gently and did it hurt still today and the answer was no. xx

OP posts:
Sparklyshoes16 · 18/06/2018 10:14

Sparklyshoes, she came out of school an hour later because this happened in the last lesson of the day, so she had finished school. I was waiting for her in the car. I immediately telephones the school but by the time I got to speak with the deputy head that deals with safe guarding issues the teacher in question had left for the day. I did try and sort in out then and there

Do you mean this was an extra after school maths session? As in the official school day had finished and this was an extra session? Sorry not trying to annoy you or anything...trying to work out why no one was around in school for you to speak to? I used to stay at least two hours after...marking, phone calls home good and bad etc.

Have you managed to get your daughter checked out? Also ignore people saying stuff about your DD being in Private school etc it's completely irrelevant and whether she was a quite kid or disruptive again irrelevant. She shouldn't have done it and made a very foolish mistake!! I'll be surprised if the School allows her back or the agency asks her to remain with them.

PaddyF0dder · 18/06/2018 10:16

That person should not be working with children or vulnerable people.

I hope they lose their job.

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 10:25

Sparklyshoes, - maths was the last subject of the day. It was not an extra session. School finishes at 3.30 (half an hour early on a Friday) She got to me at around 3.50 by the time she had gone back to tutor room, picked up PE bag etc and got over to car park (large grounds)
I guess by the time I got to speak with school it was 4pm or just before. They then had to get me through to the right person who by the time she spoke to me, listened to what I had to say etc and then tried to get hold of teacher, she had left for the day. Maybe being a supply teacher she didn't stay around as long. Then again, lots of staff get out quick on a Friday (and who could blame them!) :-)

You're right, the private school bit is probably irrelevant but I was just setting the scene that this isn't a rough school with a lippy kid that always shouted out and was disruptive etc. Although as you say, even if she was it still doesn't justify anything. But I was making the point that there is no history of my DD winding this teacher up to the point that she snapped.

OP posts:
PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 18/06/2018 10:28

When is the meeting?

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 10:33

Waiting to hear when meeting is. They will be speaking with the teacher first and then my daughter and said that I could be there when they spoke to my daughter and I confirmed that yes I wanted to be there. That was all on Friday late afternoon. I emailed again this morning to say I had cleared my diary and would wait for their call. Still waiting.

OP posts:
Sparklyshoes16 · 18/06/2018 10:50

Ah I see, thanks for clearing that up was trying to work out why you found out later and not straight away...as in this situation time was of the essence.

The Supply Teachers at my old school had to stay on site for 30 mins after the bell even on a Fri, I (and many other staff) would stay on a fri so I could have all day Saturday with DH...so if there were any issues they could be dealt with. We also had same day detention system!

My comment about private school being irrelevant was aimed at other posters that had made that an issue...doesn't matter if the kid is quiet or gobby, private or state etc anyway I hope your meeting comes to a satisfactory conclusion.

I would also ask them why only one person is dealing with safeguarding issues there should be at least 2 designated safeguarding Officers who are available to deal with things immediately! We had 8...1 lead safeguarding Officer, all year managers y7 to y11 (5)...the head (1) and x1 deputy head...all using the system Cpoms...it was a very tough school though with incidents happening everyday every year group!

Nanny0gg · 18/06/2018 11:10

Can you imagine how hard it is to be a teacher? How much training it takes? And now your little darling private school girl has been told off (god forbid as she was head girl you know) you are going to march into school and tell them you don’t want that teacher to ever lay eyes on her again?

Have you read the comments from a number of teachers on here?

What the supply did was beyond unacceptable. I was educated from the late 50s to early 70s and whilst there was plenty of ruler hitting and board rubber throwing, not one of my teachers would have done this.

PaddyF0dder · 18/06/2018 11:50

@MemyselfandIrene2

“Can you imagine how hard it is to be a teacher? How much training it takes? And now your little darling private school girl has been told off (god forbid as she was head girl you know) you are going to march into school and tell them you don’t want that teacher to ever lay eyes on her again?“

Daww.

I’m a doctor. It took a lot of training. Its a hard job.

Should I start assaulting kids too when I have a bad day?

Clandestino · 18/06/2018 12:05

@MemyselfandIrene2 - I grew up in time when parents would side with teachers and expect strict discipline but I know my Mum would hit the roof if I told her a teacher manhandled me like that. Speaking of which, I'd be calling the school demanding talking to the principal immediately and I tend to be on the stricter side too. But no teacher lays their hands on my daughter like this.
If the teacher can't explain something to a child without laying her hands on her then she needs some extra training or she is in the wrong job.

AmberNectarine · 18/06/2018 12:10

Yes, I imagine quite a few of us have hard jobs, requiring training and often have bad days where we have to deal with people ignoring stuff we've already said.

I don't imagine many of us have grabbed our colleagues by the head (professional wrestlers among us notwithstanding).

I think the OP had responded perfectly proportionately to the situation, going through the proper channels. She is not hysterical or melodramatic.

And frankly, I find it pitiful that there are few apologists for this kind of behaviour on the thread. How weak a teacher do you have to be to resort to this in a private girls school maths lesson? Not exactly downtown Aleppo, is it?

BlueSapp · 18/06/2018 12:15

There should never be a need to manhandle a child in the classroom, especially to explain a learning point, simply directing the child to look at the board without touching her and making her feel uncomfortable and intimidated should've been sufficient. I would suggest this teacher need some training on how to handle a classroom, very very unprofessional!

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 12:23

Thanks so much everyone, I really appreciate (most) of your comments! Wink

Still waiting on 'the call'! I just rang and the person I need to speak with is in a meeting so perhaps she is meeting to discuss this?

Meanwhile, not sure if I mentioned this but the teacher also 'bragged' about being voted the scariest teacher in her last post and said she was disappointed that she didn't get first. Now while this is jokey, it does also say something about her as a teacher I feel.

Thank you to those that can see I am not being melodramatic.
My daughter isn't either, she loves school and we have never had anything like this before. If any of my children has mentioned to me in the past that they were told off for something I side with the teacher 99.9% of the time, even if sometimes it seems a little unfair.
I am all for my children being reprimanded when needs be.

This is nothing like that. If my daughter hadn't told me that what the teacher did hurt and shocked her then this wouldn't be an issue.

OP posts:
Backstabbath · 18/06/2018 12:39

We still only have one version of events from an 11/12yr old.

Let's wait until we have the full story from both sides that's all I'm saying.

Not on the teachers side at all.

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 12:44

@backstabbath yes absolutely. I'm VERY interested in what she has to say. I shall update you all, I promise :-)

OP posts:
JurassicBark · 18/06/2018 14:14

Any updates OP?

I keep thinking about this.