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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel if a teacher did this to your child?

285 replies

Beenherebefore · 17/06/2018 21:36

Background -
Private school, in year 7. Good kid, all the teachers say so and so do I. Was head girl last year. Doing well, respectful yadda yadda.

So she was in a maths lesson. The teacher was a supply teacher. My daughter raises hand to ask teacher for help as she was stuck on a question.
As she was looking at her book and explaining where she needed help the teacher suddenly took my Daugher's head in her hands and snapped it up and round to the white board, said "read what it says and then speak to me" and then sharply turned her head back to her book and let go.

My daughter came out of school an hour later and told me about it immediately. Not one to make a fuss she told me it had hurt her and that while it didn't still hurt she could feel where it had happened.

I called the school. They said they would treat as safe guarding issue and meet me on Monday.

How would you play this?
I'm not happy and I want this dealt with but not sure how far I should take it.

Would you be as cross and upset as I feel about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 15:08

@jurrasicbark ha haaa! How funny! Sorry Smile
And not really, no. They rang me after I emailed and phoned this morning and said they would ask my DD to write a report and use that. They said they were following protocol and couldn't really say more than that. Then they rang me again an hour or so after to ask if we had been to a GP about it and I explained that although she could feel where it had hurt her neck she wasn't actually in pain so I was just monitoring her that way.
And that's it for now.
More to follow.
I promise faithfully I will update as and when xx

OP posts:
CloudPop · 18/06/2018 15:29

Disgraceful and completely unacceptable.

JurassicBark · 18/06/2018 15:36

Can you message me (on phone and can’t figure out to message you, but something my partner just said about this has made me think a little more).

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 18/06/2018 16:03

They rang me after I emailed and phoned this morning and said they would ask my DD to write a report and use that

I’d be keen to know exactly what context this report is used.

OP you have the right to absolute transparency regarding this process as the parent of your child. If the school start pitching this as your daughter vs the supply teacher alone then they are mishandling the situation.

Do you know if the supply is teaching in the school today?

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 16:13

@paulhollywoodssexgut - hmmmm that's interesting, thank you. The DH and person in charge of safeguarding said she couldn't tell me anything. She said she couldn't say if she had spoken to the teacher or not, just that she was following protocol.

OP posts:
Sparklyshoes16 · 18/06/2018 16:22

?? Absolute rubbish from the school and also quite worrying!! I agree they do need to get your daughter to write it down...but by the very least they should have spoken to the Supply teacher and then invited you in by the end of today! To discuss exactly what's happened and what's happening going forward!

I'm really annoyed on your behalf!! Appalling action from the school Angry

RedHelenB · 18/06/2018 16:23

If she says she's following protocol then I would accept that she is. Just ask dd whether anyone asked her about it and if she did have to write anything down when she comes back from school

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 18/06/2018 16:29

Primary teacher and safeguarding lead here. Just say that unwarranted or unnecessary physical contact between teacher and pupil is classed by the police as assault. Please contact your boroughs LADO which will be on their web site and report it. The school may not be able to share information if they have reported it but the LADO can tell you what is happening and the next steps.

I would report this in a heart beat.

RoseWhiteTips · 18/06/2018 16:31

The teacher puts hand in a student. That is not allowed.

RoseWhiteTips · 18/06/2018 16:31

...on

RoseWhiteTips · 18/06/2018 16:32

And again:

The teacher lay hands on a student. That is not allowed.

Luisa27 · 18/06/2018 16:37

I’d be absolutely furious too Beenhere
What an unpleasant woman. Hope your daughter isn’t too upset by it all...

HectorlovesKiki · 18/06/2018 16:37

I'd be bloody furious.
You, like me, paid a fortune to get the best education for your child.
This teacher should be sacked. What did she think she was doing?
No, she did the wrong thing & should be sacked. Stand your ground hun.
Best wishes to you.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 18/06/2018 16:54

Can I also add that if the school have referred to the LADO which they should have done then they cannot tell the parent concerned what is happening. There is strict control over the process. They would be asked to get the child to tell them what happened and record it along with anyone who witnessed it.

Mummy301308 · 18/06/2018 16:54

Thats disgusting behaviour!
Going back a few years now, a teacher literally screamed at me in front of the whole class & then threw a book across the classroom. I, like your daughter, had only asked a question because I didn't understand. My mum complained & after an investigation, he was sacked. She was updated throughout the whole of the process too. Turns out, I wasn't the only child he did this to.
I would want the full report on this & it should be available to you. Stand your ground on this & make sure they know you aren't just going to fall back & accept any other explanation than full disclosure during the investigation.
Let's face it, it you had done that & your child had told them, they would have been telling all the relevant authorities before pick up that afternoon.
I'd also be telling the school that if my daughter was to be taught by that teacher at any point, they can arrange for her to go somewhere else during that time or I would be complaining further.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 18/06/2018 16:57

You can't have full disclosure once it is an official investigation to protect all concerned. Everything has to be confidential in case it has to go down a judicial route.

Mummy301308 · 18/06/2018 16:58

stayingaliveisawayoflife
Didn't read your post about referring to LADO. I'd accept not having updates in that case then. Sorry, was too busy writing away while stopping the kids from raiding me biscuit cupboard before dinner Smile

SoupDragon · 18/06/2018 16:59

You, like me, paid a fortune to get the best education for your child.

This is completely irrelevant. State or private, this shouldn’t have happened.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 18/06/2018 17:06

Sorry sorry sorry I meant that as a parent she has the right to full disclosure of what the process IS not it’s content.

To see an outline of the steps allows for parent and child to be able to know what’s coming next or what the various options may be.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 18/06/2018 17:11

That’s pretty unsatisfactory really isn’t it.

Hopefully you can get in touch with the Lado and get more information.

How’s DD today?

Original poster
Beenherebefore · 18/06/2018 17:34

UPDATE

I just contacted the school again to ask for reassurances, mainly re whether this teacher would be teaching my daughter again.

I was informed that actually this teaches is NOT a supply teacher!
I really hoped she was, it would all be so much easier, but no!
I was then told they would be "kept apart" on the school trip tomorrow (oh great, totes awks and errr yeah durrrr!)
It was at that point I realised she wasn't a supply and when I commented on that I was told "she's actually a really good and professional teacher" which actually really annoyed me and I told her so. I don't want to hear, at this stage, when you can't tell me anything about your investigation, that she is good or professional. That is a matter of opinion, it certainly wasn't mine and if it is true that she is professional that she should know better. She physically hurt my daughter my twisting her head/neck with no warning and lifting it up to meet the whiteboard and twisting in back down again to her book. SO not happy about that.

Not feeling great about how it feels it's being handled.
I'm not sure they should even be allowing this teacher to go on the same trip as my daughter tomorrow if I'm being honest. The fact they are being 'kept apart' just makes me cringe with awkwardness for both her and my daughter.

I was then told that they would be collecting reports from girls in the class at the time, 1 from each table in the room. They would then meet to discuss all the reports and make some sort of decision. It's at that point I said I would go in to discuss it in person and they said that was fine.
They said they were treating it with the highest level of seriousness but I'm now sat here thinking that if they were would she be going on the same trip as my daughter tomorrow?????

Ugggghhhhhh! Sad

OP posts:
stayingaliveisawayoflife · 18/06/2018 17:40

She should not be alone with your child. If another adult is going that is allowed. You need to look on your areas website and just google eg Swindon lado or whatever area you are in and it will come up. It doesn't sound like they have referred it but you as a parent are entitled to and should do. This should be investigated independently as the police would consider this an assault.

bertielab · 18/06/2018 17:42

I'd contact the chair of governors by email and say you are not happy for your daughter to be on the trip -if the member of staff who she alleges has assaulted her is there. That is a CP issue. Other then that I would take her to the GP to have it logged.
The school have to investigate first. This means getting statements from everyone involved.

I'm not excusing the teacher, it sounds highly unreasonable action and I would be livid. What did your daughter say at the time? to the teacher? Like 'ouch, why are you pulling my neck etc?' or was she just shocked? I'm not victim blaming -but hopefully the others in the class saw it and can write statements.

I would seriously make an emergency GP appointment and get the GP to log her words and where her pain is.

bertielab · 18/06/2018 17:43

Second referring to LADO and reporting to police as well on the non emergency number.

GabriellaMontez · 18/06/2018 17:45

Wow. Feels like they aren't taking it seriously. Would it be helpful to know what protocol they're following? Then you'd have an idea of their moves and timeframes.