Brother-in-law's wedding

[ParkaGirl]

I am new. Created an account just for this.
Love my brother-in-law, a few years younger than DH, he was best man at our wedding 7 years ago. He did an absolutely sterling job. He did not have a partner when we got married.
He often drops in after work to play with the kids and meets up with my DH often, they are close.
He met his partner about 4 years ago, she is absolutely lovely; if I had a complaint it would be that we don't see her enough, but when we are together she is amazing, good to the kids. Doesn't indulge my mother-in-law when she gossips and when my DH had an accident at football, she lent me her car, asked if I had cash and offered me her debit card. I could not fault her.
While I come from a very 'traditional family' where everything is straightforward she has a couple of step-mothers and a step-father and lots of siblings, half and step siblings.
Delighted now that she has had a surprise pregnancy.
I knew my husband was 'off' about something, but he denied it but was texting BiL a lot one evening.
The next day mother-in-law came round crying because DH was angry with BiL. They were getting married and BiL's partner had her heart set on this particular venue; she wants everyone to sit around one table and to accommodate her family and friends she thought I wouldn't need to be invited. She wants sibs, parents and friends, no plus ones and definitely no children.
BiL had raised it with DH who strongly objected. BiL was sad that his partner won't get the wedding she deserved. DH has confirmed everything.
What would you do?
Her family are perhaps more 'sophisticated' than mine. If I am there then all of her sibs will have to have plus ones and she won't get the wedding she wants. She hasn't spoken to me about this. I am utterly devastated but should I approach them and say I am ok with this?
DH can just about stomach the kids not being there but will not go to wedding without me.

Op did post how the wedding went but she lost her password and had to post under a different name.

Any ideas where to find it @colbyandmontysmum?

I'd cut her off. And I'd exclude her kid from my kids bday parties etc.

RTFT people! Page 12 op name changed if you bothered to read you’d see it quite clearly!

@LakieLady
Have you considered just having a nice, quiet, private registry office wedding with just two witnesses (who won't know they are witnesses until the event) followed by a nice lunch/afternoon tea afterwards instead?

What an odd thread. So much judgment of SIL and her family when it was obvious from the start OP’s ‘nice’ family were the real weirdo’s here.

OP crying day and night because a woman she barely knew didn’t invite her or anyone else’s spouses to a small, intimate wedding was such an obvious red flag, as was all the excessive detail about how ‘different’ SIL and her family are.

OP’s family are nasty, judgmental, interfering, controlling loons who made it plain they didn’t think much of the SIL and her ‘boho’ (ie. completely normal) family. If I was the SIL I’d have told them all to get fucked and invited more friends who actually love and care for me. Instead she ended up with assholes there treating the whole thing like some kind of freak show because her family is normal and not living in some ridiculous 50’s fantasy land where having a half sibling is something shameful that should be hidden away.

I can't believe I spent so much time on a damn zombie 🤬

I am normally of the let people have their wedding as they want variety...but she is choosing a venue over long-term family relationships. I always find this weird because when you marry someone you are basically saying you choose this complete stranger to become your immediate family....so it doesn't make sense to me for that person to not understand that their partner already has immediate family they care about who will be affected by their decisions.
Can your brother'n'law not list you as one of his friends? She is happy to invite friends apparently.
A huge problem is - unless she sees and understands the impact of everything - I am not sure your and your husband's relationship with her will recover.
When my brother was getting married in his fiance's home country - it was a 24hr flight for my parents and sisters and their partners/children to attend and a 12hr flight for my family of four. And then of course there was the cost of accommodation and car hire etc.
The reception my sister'n'law had planned was very small and was being held in a backyard - she had invited her immediate siblings and their partners, her mother and partner, one uncle and one friend plus my brother's family.

My sister-in-law's siblings did not have any children so she then announced no children could attend the reception - and told us we needed to find babysitters for our children on the internet as she no longer lived in her home country.
Between us we had five children under the age of 8 and one of them was 6 months old and my sister'n'law expected us to google and hire babysitters in a foreign country over the internet to look after them for 6-8 hours (because of the distance the venue was - not because it was a late night reception). I get the whole no child thing at the wedding...but you usually tell people before they booked their flights and accomodation. It was just so...like the safety of our children didn't matter to her - and I have never completely been able to feel like she is part of my family now (although to be fair she lives in a different country and I don't see her often).
I still think you have to let people have the wedding they want and your husband and you need to tell them they need to do what they feel is best. But if I was your husband, I would not feel comfortable going to the reception so I would recommend he attends the actual wedding but declines the reception invite. She can have more space then to invite another friend.

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!

@theweewitchRoz Her new name is ParkaGirlRedux

Thanks @colbyandmontysmum.

Thank you @colbyandmontysmum