To think that every woman needs an independent fund just in case.

[keyboardkate]

There are so many heartbreaking threads recently about cohabitants and their lack of legal rights if DP has sole tenancy for example.

Very often when things break down, or there is DV, the woman says something like....

"I have no family nearby, no supports and I am bereft, what can I do now?"

£2 a week into a fund = £100, more if it can be done.

What do you think?

Personally I agree and do have my own income but sadly I don’t know how much of a reality that could be for some.

I get the idea but is that not tempting fate? If my DP found out I had an ‘emergency if we split up fund’, I can’t imagine he would be very happy about it. If I found out he had money saved for that eventuality I would most certainly not be impressed...

Maybe not a fund as such, maybe just making sure all the legal shit is in order so they aren't reliant on the good will of someone who may well fuck them over one day

My grandma told me this many, many years ago.

A friend of my mums was financially dependent on her husband. He used to ask for receipts or give the exact amount if he knew beforehand. How would she have done it?

I do agree with the idea but it's just not possible for everyone, sadly.

How would your DP find out? And how would you find out about his either?

Seems to me that men can survive mostly, but women (with children) need to have some sort of fund. OK maybe not in all circumstances, but if things are looking like they are going sour, maybe then?

I dunno, just putting it out there for discussion.

My Grandma told my Mother always have a bit of running away money. That was in the early fifties. She told me the same in the seventies. So yes I would say if you are not working/financially independent put some money away just in case.

A rainy day fund we used to call this. But ideally everyone would make sure they have family and friendship ties within range as it's when things get serious that they're so valuable to have.

I've £4000 leaving money..just incase..I'm married ,but a stay at home mum..so not in a great position in the event of a split..in hind sight I should of worked ,wish to god I'd insisted on keeping my job..but my son had autism and we had endless appointments when he was small..not high functioning autism either..none verbal ,poo smearing eat ect ..so I ended up stuck at home.

I agree with you OP but many won't.

@Oneinthegrave why would you be upset about it? You can never ever predict the future. It's just sensible. Doesn't mean you want to split up, but nobody can ever state with 100% certainty that their relationship is going to last forever.

But then again I wouldn't ever even share a bank account with anybody. I'm fiercely protective over my own independence and it's important to me.

A friend of my mums was financially dependent on her husband. He used to ask for receipts or give the exact amount if he knew beforehand. How would she have done it?

In an ideal world she would have had a Fuck Off Fund going into the relationship. I did and still do.

Yes definitely
I had one Glad I did
Never ever let them know If you need it it’s there if not it’s a nice nest egg

I've always had a 'fuck off fund' - I think it's extremely sensible if you can manage it. I'm really happily married but if that changed I want the option to leave on m own terms. I will be advising my kids to do the same.

I agree. But I learned it the hard way, I've been a SAHM for 5 years with three DCs. My marriage broke down 6 months ago, we're still living together but he's moving out soon. No violence but EA definitely.

I will never rely on another man again, I will always have my own things, my own money and car. I have a 4 year old daughter, and I'll tell her the same when she grows up. Always have your own money, anything can happen. I was young and dumb when I met him, 20 years old. I thought we were gonna be together forever. Oh boy was I wrong

My own father has told both my sister and I to do this, or at the very least make sure that we have our own money.

Making sure I always had some money of my own was one of the best bits of advice my mum ever gave me.

There was a thread about this not long ago.

A number of posters seemed to take the very idea of it as a personal slur against their relationships, stating they had no need for such a thing as it would "never happen" to them - like all the women it has and does happen to, deliberately picked shitty men unlike the oh-so-perfect brigade

(I can't see anything wrong with an ability to access independent funds at all, for a whole load of reasons.)

I agree but I’d imagine these type of men like to be in control of finances too.

It doesn’t need to be a ‘running away fund’. Surely it’s normal to have your own account still even if everything is joint? How do you buy your OH a present?

Not a fund but remaining in work and having the financial independence should something go wrong. A fund won't last very long at all if a person doesn't work. Plus most landlords don't want tenants in HB so that adds another problem.

Far too many still model the old fashioned model of dads go to work and mums don't so children see this as their role model and repeat leaving so many women in precarious situations of their own making.

Obviously hope that I will never need it but yes I have always had running away funds

@BitchQueen90 I would see it as he wasn’t fully invested in our relationship. I don’t know really, i do get the logic behind it but I wouldn’t like to find out my partner had one tbh.

@keyboardkate I guess I wouldn’t be able to hide that, I would feel like I was lying and being deceitful. Where would the money be stored? In a box under the bed? In a different bank / savings account? I think going to that extent to save money and hide it from your DP or DH would seem very dishonest and has the potential to cause arguments about that alone if found out

Again, my lovely grandmother told me to always have enough money to get away. I think that she was more used to partners dying ( I am old and she was much older) and the wife left behind struggling, but the whole concept still holds true for me.

Me and my wife have a joint family account which we each put a certain amount of money in each month for bills, mortgage and other family stuff.

We both then agreed to keep the rest separate so we could get what we need. As a result I guess we both do have a so called escape fund.

@Oneinthegrave

Could I ask why you may be reluctant to have your own independent, separate bank account?

Is there anything stopping you from saying that you have your own account funded by you? And your OH could have the same of course.

I just think that no one knows what is around the corner, ever.

I think every woman should have some savings, the skills to earn a living and the ability to drive in case you need to get away quickly.