Walked out of DH'S work dinner

[rosesandflowers1]

I went to DH's work party. Was absolutely dreading it anyway but this just tops the cake. It's all on my other thread but the summary is that DH's work friends are mostly arses, and their wives don't like me. I wasn't happy to go but did on the conditions that DH would sit next to me, encourage a whole table discussion and I'd drive up alone so could leave when I wanted.

The most confrontational woman (let's call her Vera or something) and her DH were a bit late so it gave me some time to start making some small talk with some more indifferent wives/mums. We were chatting quite well before she arrived; once she did, the conversation shifted more to her, as it usually does, but she was more interested in compliments on each other's dresses etc. at the beginning. I said I liked the way she'd done her hair, she smiled at that, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, and as it went on for half an hour or so I could see DH was making an effort.

Anyway, the food got passed out and one of the women went to get something and her DH told her to get something else as that was too fatty. She looked vv embarrassed (as I would have been) but went for another option. I was but didn't say anything.

One of the women said "oh, I'm not having any either, I'm on a diet" and that divulged a new line of discussion. One man joked he was going to put his wife on a diet, at which point Vera asked, sugar-sweet, "so are you [DH] going to put [rosesandflowers] on a diet?" I daresay us getting along was too good to be true!

DH I'm sure was a bit shocked but just replied "implying what?" which made her squirm a little. At which point another woman followed up with "oh, he couldn't make her do anything." Not quite sure if she was shit stirring or just making a very valid comment that it would not be my DH's decision to put me on a diet But she's not super important to this really.

DH just smiled and said, "well, of course not" and tried to divert the conversation, but one of his friends who'd already had a bit too much to drink barely a quarter through the evening was determined to follow this up and asked me, "does he not tell you what to do then?"

I said, "no, not really" very blandly and then tried to move on, but he then remarked that that was surprising because of our bedroom activity and followed up with some very graphic details! Essentially DH is very into D/s and I'm happy to let him take on a more dominant role. I'm not happy for him to discuss this in detail - at his workplace! - with the sort of guy who'd blurt this out over dinner! Especially as he knows my views on them and that they're generally very disrespectful to me.

At the point at which the obviously drunk man clearly had no intention of stopping, I excused myself and walked out to go home. DH followed and I told him to stay at the brunch. Was fuming with him at the time and it is pretty important so.

He's still there and likely won't be home for quite some time. Am absolutely mortified and fuming, but honestly I'm feeling quite betrayed as well. I can't believe he'd divulge details like that I'm not sure if I'm BU to be so pissed off and it's possible that it's just embarrassment that I'm taking out on him, but I feel like he's being absolutely irresponsible sharing details of our private life like this. Now I'm home I'm thinking leaving was over dramatic.

So I know what I'm going to say to DH when I come home; WIBU?

And even if its meant to describe the food style, like who wants poached egg for their tea?

It's not poached eggs It's fancy brunch-style food, not a sausage sandwich and baked beans!

Interesting how straight after my post you started using arse instead of ass

I used it before too And I think have done so on my other threads.

I think it depends on the phrasing. I'm more likely to say "he's an arse" but would say "being an ass".

I think the OP is writing a daft book and shouldn’t give up her day job just yet.

I love that an evening brunch is evidence of fiction Didn't think it was that odd in all honesty. Makes sense - late at night you don't really want very heavy food.

I thought this was the make or break brunch? But it seems it was even worse than before and you are not only making excuses for him but for his friend as well! Nothing will change because you don't actually want it to. He knows a superficial apology is all it takes for the subject to drop. Reminds me of Phoebe in Friends - lather, rinse, repeat; lather, rinse, repeat....

The DH is an Old Etonian from an upper class background who didn’t board and who, despite a high powered well paid job, sends his children to state school.

DH didn't go to Eton Not all of the DC go to state school and both who do go by choice.

Then open with "this isn't up for debate. Use no JADE throughout the discussion: don't Justify, Argue, Defend or explain.

Might be a good way to start - thanks.

Also do you remember getting the underwear? Or was it for someone else?

I can’t get over the brunch thing 😂

Ok here's what id have done.
Replied along the lines of
'oh yes did he tell you how he also likes me to shove my biggest dildo up his arse until he can't take any more? We do have a very very good sex life though. What's the best thing (insert name of his wife) has used on you? What she doesn't do that? Oh come on, you 're not that boring!'

I would the tell your dh that unless he stops acting like a cunt you will embarrass the fuck out of him each and every time this happens.

I posted on your last thread.
I hope all the money and gifts your dh gives you are worth it.
He won't change.

Also do you remember getting the underwear?

He's definitely bought me some recently. I'm going to go have a rifle through and check they're Ann Summers.

I feel awful to be checking him up on stuff like this but I need to clarify He obviously knew it was stupid to tell his friend, so why wouldn't he need to mention it before? And honestly, why would he go lingerie shopping with his friend?

I can’t get over the brunch thing

I was curious about the evening Brunch in the Middle East so I googled and it seemingly is a thing in Dubai and Abu Dhabi.

I don’t live in either of those places but I do visit often and have never come across it.

Maybe it's more of a UK ideal that you can't have brunches at dinner time

I’ve lived on several continents and never heard the word brunch used for anything other than a middle to late morning breakfasty lunch. The clue is in the name!

Sorry if I’ve missed it but roughly how old are you OP? You sound very young but I guess you can’t be.

It's not poached eggs grin It's fancy brunch-style food, not a sausage sandwich and baked beans

Roses, if you don’t even know what Eggs Benedict is, you aren’t ever going to be able to fake this convincingly.

MN will swallow more from rich people, but there is a limit.

I guess the evening brunches in Dubai is a thing but why would someone in the U.K. say it?

Does he understand why you hate these brunches now? Even leaving aside the sex-talk, has he admitted you were right about how awful they all are?

If there aren't poached eggs in the Eggs Benedict, is it really brunch?

Sorry, I am starting to go down the "poor fanfic" route.

I would also not be impressed if my wealthy, high-earning husband bought me underwear from Ann "cheap tat" Summers. I expect Agent Provocateur or nothing.

Ann summers!!! I'm wondering if this is real. He may as well shop in Victoria's Secrets. Ann summers is hardly hard core pron is it?
Bloody hell, the barman who served us our cocktails yesterday was more graphic than that.r

I think this isn't real.
Op- are you Jilly Cooper?

Jilly has considerably higher standards than this

Just read the other thread, not only is your husband a total and utter dick, his and yours idea of ‘nice, high end’ gifts to win you around are from Lipsy of London?

He’s not posh, and you are a complete doormat.

Even I know what eggs benedict is 😁

After reading through this, an ad has popped up on my Hotmail for Victoria's Secrets!! Is this whole scenario some clever marketing ploy?

Sorry OP - I’ve given up now that you’re referencing Ann Summers as his shop of choice.

A truly posh dominant man would hardly buy your kit from Lakeside 🤨🤨🤨

Whoever said OP is lying because she is saying private school instead of public school = ridiculous assumption. Because we use the phrase “privately educated”, and because the American system calls state school public school, I know plenty of people (myself included) who say private school when in fact they/we went to public schools. Total non-argument.

If he didn't go to Eton why did you mention it with reference to him?

away from the condescending weirdo and all of his irritating Eton friends

Was that just a namedrop rather than a hint?

I was trying to give OP benefit of the doubt and work out what sector this man works in because it doesn't sound like any professional environment I've ever worked. But I strongly suspect it doesn't exist.

Lipsy and Ann Summers - seriously?

This is disgusting and most likely bollocks

But I can't help but snort at him going to Anne summers to buy you lingerie on his lunch break 😂😂😂 hardcore!!

I am struggling to decide which is more unlikely - a London-based upper class workplace brunch buffet that takes place in the evening, or one that doesn’t feature Eggs Benedict.

@TisNowt I agree, and the frequent references to university and how OPs DH was ‘before’, I.e. at university despite the fact the OP must be at least 42? Doesn’t ring true at all.

He might well want to remember that they are his colleagues rather than friends tbh.
He stayed at the brunch because it was an important dinner for work for example!

So maybe time for him to work on his boundaries and learn that you don’t talk to colleagues, esp work colleagues and esp when there is a clear mentality of competition, about anything and everything. And certainly NOT about your sex lifeniwth yur dw when you knownthat your dw has massive problems with them (and their own wife’s).
This is about respecting YOU as a person rather than buying into the not very respectful attitude of said ‘colleagues’.
At he very least, their attitude is rubbing on him.