Walked out of DH'S work dinner

[rosesandflowers1]

I went to DH's work party. Was absolutely dreading it anyway but this just tops the cake. It's all on my other thread but the summary is that DH's work friends are mostly arses, and their wives don't like me. I wasn't happy to go but did on the conditions that DH would sit next to me, encourage a whole table discussion and I'd drive up alone so could leave when I wanted.

The most confrontational woman (let's call her Vera or something) and her DH were a bit late so it gave me some time to start making some small talk with some more indifferent wives/mums. We were chatting quite well before she arrived; once she did, the conversation shifted more to her, as it usually does, but she was more interested in compliments on each other's dresses etc. at the beginning. I said I liked the way she'd done her hair, she smiled at that, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, and as it went on for half an hour or so I could see DH was making an effort.

Anyway, the food got passed out and one of the women went to get something and her DH told her to get something else as that was too fatty. She looked vv embarrassed (as I would have been) but went for another option. I was but didn't say anything.

One of the women said "oh, I'm not having any either, I'm on a diet" and that divulged a new line of discussion. One man joked he was going to put his wife on a diet, at which point Vera asked, sugar-sweet, "so are you [DH] going to put [rosesandflowers] on a diet?" I daresay us getting along was too good to be true!

DH I'm sure was a bit shocked but just replied "implying what?" which made her squirm a little. At which point another woman followed up with "oh, he couldn't make her do anything." Not quite sure if she was shit stirring or just making a very valid comment that it would not be my DH's decision to put me on a diet But she's not super important to this really.

DH just smiled and said, "well, of course not" and tried to divert the conversation, but one of his friends who'd already had a bit too much to drink barely a quarter through the evening was determined to follow this up and asked me, "does he not tell you what to do then?"

I said, "no, not really" very blandly and then tried to move on, but he then remarked that that was surprising because of our bedroom activity and followed up with some very graphic details! Essentially DH is very into D/s and I'm happy to let him take on a more dominant role. I'm not happy for him to discuss this in detail - at his workplace! - with the sort of guy who'd blurt this out over dinner! Especially as he knows my views on them and that they're generally very disrespectful to me.

At the point at which the obviously drunk man clearly had no intention of stopping, I excused myself and walked out to go home. DH followed and I told him to stay at the brunch. Was fuming with him at the time and it is pretty important so.

He's still there and likely won't be home for quite some time. Am absolutely mortified and fuming, but honestly I'm feeling quite betrayed as well. I can't believe he'd divulge details like that I'm not sure if I'm BU to be so pissed off and it's possible that it's just embarrassment that I'm taking out on him, but I feel like he's being absolutely irresponsible sharing details of our private life like this. Now I'm home I'm thinking leaving was over dramatic.

So I know what I'm going to say to DH when I come home; WIBU?

Ann Summers!

Well at least he’s err...thrifty?

You were given good advice on your previous thread (if this is indeed true) and you chose to go anyway, knowing full well what it would be like.
You’re complicit in this now. If you choose to allow your H to be a dick then don’t be surprised when he is a dick 🤷🏼‍♀️
I hope this is fake, as if it’s not, there’s a child learning this is appropriate behaviour.
I stand by my previous comment (you alluded to not being able to afford your lifestyle without H in your previous thread, and that seemed to be a reason, in your eyes, to stay) that when you marry for money, you earn every penny.
Good luck OP, either with your life, or with your book

But I can't help but snort at him going to Anne summers to buy you lingerie on his lunch break 😂😂😂 hardcore!!

I’ve seen these blokes. They all wear the same uniform. I thought they were plain clothes security guards.

@OnionBridie 😂😂 maybe it's OP's DH and his work mates??

I'd be LTB just for that haha

But ‘evening brunch’ is only a thing in Dubai and Abu Dhabi in the specific sense in which the term is used there — a massive all-you-can-eat buffet (not what we might consider normal brunch food, very elaborate) with copious alcohol, usually held on Fridays at normal brunch time. Some hotels and restaurants capitalise on that by also having ‘nocturnal brunches’, but it’s only local shorthand for ‘all you can eat and drink for around 300 dirhams’, not ‘buttermilk pancakes, avocado toast and coffee’.

You cant be in the ME as you posted yesterday evening at 8.30pm GMT saying you were home early from the brunch - which would have been past midnight in Dubai time.

but it’s only local shorthand for ‘all you can eat and drink for around 300 dirhams’, not ‘buttermilk pancakes, avocado toast and coffee

It’s just the old themed nights with a different name. Maybe people were feeling jaded and fed up of seafood nights but now get excited by an evening brunch.

It doesn’t take much.

I cant believe any posh old boys club member would be having evening brunches and shopping at ann summers for his faux leather paddles.

@OnionBridie
I love brunch but by the time evening rolls round im in stew or pasta mode tbh

OP the problem is you forgive him for the situation but never actually look at the cause of all of it.

Neither do you actually begin to look at the effect it has on your child(ren) as I suspect some of the stress your daughter is under is due to him

He really does sound awful but I think is clever enough to keep a very fixed line in place so he never really becomes too controlling or abusive whilst keeping you in check. That line I think is becoming increasingly blurry

Can'r understand how last night youwere so angry youwalked out of the brunch, but this morning it's 'he's said he's sorry' and 'it was 3 months ago'

Three months is very recent - so it's not a 'he was young and foolish and trying to fit in with his mates' scenario.
I would find discussion of our sex life with strangers a complete deal breaker. It is your intimate life as well as his, he had absolutely no right to discuss it with others. I can't believe you are being so 'brush it under the carpet until the next episode'

What does he have to do to make you wake up to him ? He sounds awful, immature and controlling. His colleagues sound like total
fuckwits.

I would find the entire set up intolerable. Presumably if these men are so aggressive and sexually harrassing at a social event, then they treat women like this in the workplace. How has that kind of behaviour not been called out before now ?

As for 'brunch' - the word has lost all meaning now, but it wouldn't surprise me that these appalling arrogant tossers think it's an evening meal.

Oh and as an afterthought. My XH used to get off on doing something appalling to upset me and then act the 'aren't I a naughty boy, ooh I've made you cross' then turn up with flowers etc.
Seriously got his rocks off by messing with my head.
I found if I ignored him completely he would follow me round the house like a little dog saying 'I was really late and I ruined your evening plans, aren't you cross' trying to get a rise out of me. Complete indifference floored him, attention seeking wanker that he was.

Reader, I divorced him.

"I have never come across someone who spoke of their bedroom activities at work."

I have unfortunately. However, nobody would ever have said anything to the person's partner at a party. (She was talking about an ex anyway I think).

FFS all the people who have no clue trying to catch the OP out on her poshness. I am posh and it all makes utter sense to me. Being posh doesn't mean that you have to buy expensive stuff - in fact often the opposite. And it most certainly doesn't mean that you would not send your kids to state school ffs.

And any Old Harrovian for eg would not be impressed by Old Etonians, etc etc. So really stop trying to catch the OP out, you are making dicks of yourselves.

"I am posh"...

Course you are, dear...!

And it is perfectly normal for some companies -or Chambers - to have some sort of 'in' thing like having a brunch in the evening. A company I used to work for used to have corporate polo lessons/matches that were always referred to as 'brainstorms' which they most certainly weren't.

Haffi - yes, I was just thinking: don’t be so sure about some of this stuff not being real! Especially if she isn’t from that background. And nobody says it has to banking. Could be anything.

Yes, exactly, the little “in-joke” things.

Your DH is emotionally (and possibly sexually) abusing you by allowing you to be humiliated in public. Are you prepared to change anything? If he’s too shouty or argumentative, could your write him a letter telling him how you feel? Could you ask him to leave for a few days to give you space to process what has happened? The only way to change your relationship is to be brave enough to take drastic action as your DH thinks this will all blow over after an apology. He needs to be shocked into changing his ways and the only way to do this is to become angry enough to stand up to him.

Personally, I’d be telling him to resign immediately or you’ll be seeing a solicitor on Monday about a divorce but I don’t put up with being treated like dirt.

The weight loss comment was rude. But I'm shocked about your DH talking about your sex life.

Remember the conversation you had with him on your thread about DD?

*He got exasperated and said that I like being spoilt and having him in control however much I push against it shock, that perhaps he was BU about DD but someone has to balance out all of my "free love shit."

At that point I was fuming and he could see so and backtracked. He said he would apologise to DD and hoped I'd "forgive his language" and he shouldn't have said it. But he also added that there was a power dynamic in our relationship as I am just genuinely a more loving person than he is and he needs to rein me in, and that he can be too authoritarian (like yesterday) and then I need to counterbalance him.*

This is your relationship.

And don't weir your pj's during your next talk.

His apology means jack shit!

He and his mates humiliated you and the bottom line is, he stayed to continue small talk with these women controlling freaks, while you went home and cried.

No works event is ever THAT important.

I blame EL James

Lipsy pyjamas and Ann Summers lingerie. Is his fetish polyester?

This would cross too big a line for me. Specific details like that would make me furious and also break my heart that he had humiliated me like that, telling a man I disliked intimate details about me and then him saying it in front of everyone.

I can't believe you still want to stay with someone who could do that, have you no self worth?