To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

Take the pedals off and learn that way.

But, if you're not a regular cyclist you won't enjoy a cycling holiday. It will be too much cycling which will just be hard work, frustrating and exhausting. You'll get sore legs, hands, a sore fanny and a numb bum and just end up really sweaty and annoyed. If you've only just learned there's no way you'll be comfortable on roads etc either so you'll be panicked to boot and may well cause an accident which would ruin everyone's holiday but mainly yours!

I can ride a bike but I don't ride often and I wouldn't do this. No way. They're out of order.

Trikes are impossible to steer.

I suspect the non-regular cyclists will give up after the first day when their thighs and buttocks also hurt.

I might take the car instead and wait for them at sight spots, or just stay behind reading a book and enjoying the sun.
TBH, a group of friends for more than 2 days is my idea of hell and I'd relish some alone time.

I can cycle but would hate this, I get really saddle sore. I can row a boat too and wouldn't fancy doing that for an extended period on holiday either!

Why can't they just go back to the original plan, that way, everybody is happy.

Those trikes are a menace! My mum was a proficient cyclist (meaning she rode her bike here and there, not a spandex-cyclist) but began to worry about falling off when she turned around 80. She thought a trike would be the answer. Nope. They're very 'odd' when it comes to balance on turns and easily tipped over if you don't turn 'the right way' because you can't 'lean in' to a turn as you can when balanced on a bike. She took a nasty spill from overbalancing on a turn and tipping over. She went back to her two wheeler and said it was much easier.

@BertieBotts that is how the lesson started. Pedals were removed and we were told to glide along and balance. Then one pedal was added, then two. All of the other students managed it. I could not balance at all even for 2 seconds.

I'm also actually wondering why this is a life skill. I understand why, say, swimming is. You can save another person's life (or your own) if you can swim. I have survived over 30 years without being able to ride a bike.

It sounds like a pretty serious amount of cycling they are planning. There is no way that someone who has just learned to cycle would want to plunge into this. You would never be able to keep up and it would put you off for life. They are being totally unrealistic.
If some of them are only occasional cyclists, I think they might be also in for a shock. There is no way that new or casual cyclists can comfortably cycle alongside serious keen cyclists.

I agree OP, cycling is not a necessary life skill & there is no good reason to learn to cycle if you don't want to. I can cycle, but I hate it and I certainly wouldn't want to go on a cycling holiday.

I would do the lesson with your friend and then once she has seen that you really can't do it. I would explain that you are not just 'spitting your dummy out' you really don't want to cycle and you will find it really difficult etc etc and she might see your point of view better.
I think often with things like cycling people just assume it's easy for everyone and can't understand how anyone can not do it

Could someone hire a tandem?

Well I can cycle to a reasonable standard, but if I arranged to go away with friends for a fun, relaxing break and then it suddenly, without discussion, became a cycling holiday I would have no problem saying "No thanks, don't fancy that. You lot go and enjoy yourselves". It's a shame because I'm sure you don't want to sour your friendships, but unless you accept that they don't particularly want you there and only want you as a driver, then it looks like these friends will soon be ex-friends.

I agree Op it's not a life skill. I'm 42 and I can cycle but never do. So if my friends suggested a cycling holiday, I wouldn't go anyway. As pp have said, if you learn to cycle now you still wouldn't be in a position to go on a cycling holiday. I think your friends are being selfish.

YANBU

And all the people who are suggesting alternatives, ways you can learn, accommodate these people by compromising are also BU.

You don't want to do it. You've told your friends you don't want to do it. They should respect that and stick with the original plan. Or come up with a compromise where they just do a half day of cycling if they really want to while you have a chill out morning or something.

Your friends are arseholes.

I can't ride a bike, and have no intention of ever learning. If my friends did this to me, I wouldn't go.

I can't ride one either. It's never bothered me in the slightest.

Ironically, I could do it as a child. But it turns out it's not like learning to ride a bike at all, because I forgot how. I know I am useless as I tried my friends when I was drunk and brave and promptly fell off.

OP, the "serious cyclist friend" seems determined to turn the holiday into a cycling holiday, but do you know whether the other two friends are really up for a cycling holiday, or do you think they might be going along with "serious cyclist friend" because she's very dominant, while actually planning just to do a bike ride or two and other stuff for the rest of the holiday? Could you contact one of the other two friends directly and sound them out on whether they are now fully planning a cycling holiday, or whether it's more the case that they don't want the holiday turned into a cycling holiday either, but are not assertive enough to say so?

Ah OK. Fuck it then. Who cares? I don't think bike riding is a life skill at all. It's a useful bridge to being able to drive a car, when you're ten. Somewhat irrelevant once you've actually got a licence :)

I couldn't ride without stabilisers until I was 12 and I had to take them off because my weight was bending them and I won't ride on roads because I would kill myself, it's absolutely fine to know your limits and stick to them. I can cope with a bit of a pootle about in the woods but I can't keep up with DH.

Most people are able to avoid being in a situation where swimming would save their lives.
Tsunamis come to mind, but recognising that one is about to hit is probably more useful. And most people survive big floods by clinging to things, not swimming.
If anything, people who think they can swim well (but don't understand currents or waves, for example) put themselves at greater risk.

The same goes for cycling. Useful sometimes, but not essential.

YANBU and I think the best revenge would be to have a lovely time with DH and the kids on the days off you have booked, doing something different. They should refund you too.

I'm another cyclist who doesn't because I) hard work and 2) cars (convenience of, horribleness of sharing road space with). Basically I'm prepared to ride a bike on a sunny day on a nice flat forest track or a canal towpath. With DH along to deal with any punctures.

I would be most displeased if someone turned my holiday into a cycling holiday.

It's hard to think of an equivalent for swimming though. I mean, even if friends are keen swimmers then they don't usually dive in and do 30 lengths if swimming's involved on holiday and even if they do, there's the option to pootle about in the shallow end or sit in the hot tub for those who simply want to wear a swim suit. The problem with cycling is, you have to cycle!

Well the forest ride is not happening. I've been sitting down for most of the evening and just tried to get up. The pain in my upper thighs is absolutely excruciating and I can hardly walk. I'm sure this is fairly normal after 2 hours on a bike for the first time but it doesn't feel as if I will be able to mount a bike tomorrow.

A blessing in disguise anyway. I made the mistake of mentioning Dyspraxia on the group chat and Friend 1 finds is "bizarre and insulting" that I've self diagnosed myself with the condition. I didn't actually write that I have the condition, just that I am looking into it

These people don't sound like they are very nice to you. Are they often like this or is this the first time?

Is Friend 1 the serious cyclist?

I agree she sounds like she's trying to railroad everyone into accommodating her hobby.

You've said you can't ride a bike, you tried a lesson but really didn't like it. That should be enough. They should accept that, and let it go. They're bullying you into a hobby you don't want to do. Say no.

We usually get on great. We've been on loads of holidays together in the past (not always all of us at the same time). We don't all live in the same city now and this was our first break together in a while. Tbh it's mainly Friend 1 (serious cyclist) who is being a bit of an arse now. Also agree the other 2 are in for a shock as they only cycle occasionally it seems.

Why the hell are posters insisting that the OP learn to ride a bike, use a trike or go on the holiday and spend the days alone whilst the others cycle off into the distance? Would these posters say the same if it had been horse riding or mountain climbing?

Cycling was NOT part of the holiday when it was first agreed to, the OP CANNOT and DOES NOT WANT to ride a bike or be left alone and treated as a spare part.

The type of holiday has changed, it is now not the sort of holiday the OP will enjoy or feel comfortable on, why should she just acquiesce to their demands?

Your friends are mean and ever so slightly bullying. You don't have to learn to ride a bike if you don't want to. Sorry about your ruined holiday.