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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 16/06/2018 21:57

bizarre and insulting

No what is bizarre and insulting is that they don't understand why you do not want to go on a holiday which has become all about cycling. There's nothing bizarre about looking into the possibility of whether you have Dyspraxia I doubt she would say this if someone was looking into being dragonised with autism or as a coeliac. Both of which are commonly diagnosed in people over 30 as doctors understanding of certain diseases, illnesses and intolerances has improved over the past few decades.

Slanetylor · 16/06/2018 21:58

That’s a shocker. She finds that fact that you may have dyspraxia an insult ( to her?). No matter what you do, she will interpret it as you not trying hard enough and wanting to sabotage her great idea. Where did you find this one?

MipMipMip · 16/06/2018 21:59

I hope your DH is usually more supportive.

Enjoy thinking about the agony your "friends" will be in by day 2

DriveInSaturday · 16/06/2018 22:00

Have the posters who suggested hiring a tandem ever ridden one? Back in the day, when we were young, reasonably fit and regular (if short-distance) cyclists, my friend and I hired a tandem on holiday. After half an hour of struggling, we had to take it back and swap it for two bikes. Don't even consider it.

It's crap that your friends have changed the holiday to include so much of an activity they know you can't do.

loubielou31 · 16/06/2018 22:11

I never post on Aibu, but yanbu! As you have said, even if you master the basics of balance in this lesson you will not be proficient enough to join others on a long bike ride regardless of how easy they say it is. You will be up to about 30 minutes. For them to do this every day of the holiday and then be pissed off with you for not coming is just unfair. I wouldn't go either and I did learn to ride a bike as a child but find it really hard work, sore on your bum and I am really scared of cars passing me too closely!

abbsisspartacus · 16/06/2018 22:14

Suggest they ride down there instead of being driven as it's so fucking lovely

BottleOfJameson · 16/06/2018 22:15

In terms of it being an essential life skill I quite enjoy the odd cycle and I'm glad I can do it but if I couldn't I doubt I'd bother learning as an adult. I've cycled on average about once a year and they've been nice but hardly life altering experiences.

Your friends sound awful. I'm a perfectly competent cycler and would be majorly pissed off with the change in holiday plans you describe. Even if you picked up cycling easily you still would no way be ready for a cycling holiday. Even if you could already cycle you may just not want to go on a cycling holiday they're being ridiculous.

smithsinarazz · 16/06/2018 22:15

I'm all for people riding bikes, and if you were here saying "Should I carry on learning?" I'd say yes, do, you don't have to be a Lycra lout to be a cyclist, you can just have a basket on the front and use your bike to trundle up to the shops.
But your friends deciding they want to do something that you can't do and then telling you off because you can't do it is just bloody horrible.

Mamabear4180 · 16/06/2018 22:15

What kind of friends make plans without consulting all paying members of the holiday then tell you to take cycling lessons!! Weird! They're being total arseholes.

Your husband should be more supportive

starday · 16/06/2018 22:16

As a non cyclist or driver I sympathise with you, but your friends should consider planning a holiday with no cycling ?

steff13 · 16/06/2018 22:18

I would be sorely tempted to hire a cute Vespa and zoom around them dressed like Audrey Hepburn

I was just going to suggest this. 😊

And I agree with PP; driving is much more of a "life skill" than cycling.

thenightsky · 16/06/2018 22:26

I would be sorely tempted to hire a cute Vespa and zoom around them dressed like Audrey Hepburn

Pretty sure Vespas have two wheels, just like the bike the OP can't ride Confused

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 16/06/2018 22:26

And I agree with PP; driving is much more of a "life skill" than cycling.

This This and This again. I would hasten to bet that if you asked 100 people to make a list of their top 20 life skills not one of them would put cycling unless they were a cycling enthusiast.

Swimming, driving, banking, reading, cooking and or budgeting are vastly more important in day to day life. Heck I would put being able to change a blooming light bulb above being able to ride a bike. Grin

Lweji · 16/06/2018 22:27

The problem with cycling is, you have to cycle!
Unless they go off road, you can still follow or get ahead in a car.

If getting together is the important part, then I'd still go.

But if Friend 1 continues to be an arse, then I'd consider whether it is worth getting together at all, never mind the cycling.

loubielou31 · 16/06/2018 22:28

Why do they have to go cycling at all. It's a while until the holiday I assume so surely there is time to revert to plan a.

Dear friends, I of course would love to come on holiday with you all but because I can't ride a bike and therefore would not be able to enjoy spending a significant amoun of time each day doing that or staying behind on my own whilst you all go out I am afraid I will not be coming with you and I will be very sad to miss out on catching up with you all properly. If however you change the plans for each day so that I am able to join in then count me in.

Or something like that. Go for making them feel a bit guilty.

Lweji · 16/06/2018 22:30

Swimming, ... are vastly more important in day to day life.

I wasn't aware that people swim to work. Swimming is not a life skill. Highly overrated. And speaking as someone who loves swimming and does it well.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 16/06/2018 22:35

I wasn't aware that people swim to work. Swimming is not a life skill.

I didn't say people swam to work. Hmm As for it not being a life skill how do you come to that decision? Learning to swim could save your life learning how to ride a bike is nowhere near as important.

Itscurtainsforyou · 16/06/2018 22:35

Just draw a line OP. Respond to the group chat

"Hi all. We booked this holiday without mentioning cycling. I've tried cycling, but I don't want to spend this time with you all doing something I don't enjoy. So unless the plans change, please count me out of this one. I'm not prepared to change my mind on this so please don't try to convince me."

TatianaLarina · 16/06/2018 22:36

I’m sure you could learn to cycle eventually OP but the question is whether you actually want to, and in this time frame.

With any new skill it takes a while to get confident. They’re asking you to learn to ride and then navigate roads with no experience. If you’re unsure and nervous as a novice, it’s not safe.

While I’m a fully competent cyclist, I really, really couldn’t be arsed to spend that kind of time cycling on a holiday. So if Cyclezilla took over my holiday, I’d cancel too.

JustDanceAddict · 16/06/2018 22:39

I can’t ride a bike either! Your friends should change the activity so you can all join in.

OlderBook · 16/06/2018 22:40

I have done a lot of cycling too but not for about 6 months so more than an hour would hurt! Friends 2 and 3 are in for a nasty shock

Original poster
Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 22:44

@Slanetylor my decision to 'self-diagnosis' (I have done no such thing) is apparently a bit of an insult to people who genuinely have Dyspraxia.

Not sure if I should cancel the 1-1 lesson next week. The instructor is absolutely lovely but actually has a similar mindset to friend 1 as he kept saying "you can do it, I have never met a student who cannot learn"
And maybe I could do it with intensive help but I wouldn't actually enjoy it so what's the point.

To those suggesting I follow the cycling group in the car...honestly I just think that will be a bit of weird!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 16/06/2018 22:44

Some random bloke in Germany swam to work, apparently it was quicker than sitting in traffic.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 16/06/2018 22:44

I can ride a bike but I would rather cut me own throat than ride one on holiday. It’s ok when you’re familiar with the area so you can avoid hills but bloody hell.

Use Itscurtainsforyou text.

Japanquery · 16/06/2018 22:45

A number of people have suggested the OP posts into the group chat with her friends. Personally, I think it would be better to actually speak with one or both of the friends who are not "Cyclezilla" and actually sound them out on their attitude to the whole thing. OP, I think you should explain that you are not trying to say that your friends should not go cycling at all for the entire holiday. If they want to go out for a couple of bike rides (that don't take the whole day), you're happy to entertain yourself for that time. However, if the holiday is effectively going to be largely turned into a cycling holiday, that is not for you. It may be that if you actually speak to your other friends individually (not Cyclezilla) it will turn out that the cycling is not a big issue for them.