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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
NorthernKnickers · 16/06/2018 19:40

@Sofabitch Why is it a great skill to have? I'm not being goady here, just genuinely curious as to why you think this. I can ride a bike (but choose not to) and not doing so has never affected my life. In any way. So while I 'get' that some people enjoy it, I can't think of a single reason that the OP needs to acquire this skill, or what she might be lacking if she doesn't acquire it.

OP, your friends are mean and hypocritical 💐💐💐💐

Motoko · 16/06/2018 19:51

Do you have trouble being assertive OP? Because I'm wondering why you haven't stood your ground. You're already talking about going to the forest tomorrow.
Even if she see's that you can't ride, she'll keep on at you having more lessons, so you need to nip it in the bud now.

Either go with them, but do your own thing while they're out on the bikes. You'll have the car available to you, so you could drive to some nice places to visit, then spend the evenings with them.
There's a high chance that the 2 who aren't regular cyclists will change their minds about cycling the 2nd and 3rd days, due to the pain they'll be in, so the holiday will revert back to what was originally planned.

Or, tell them that you didn't sign up for a holiday with a lot of cycling involved (so don't say it's a "cycling holiday"), so you won't be coming and you want your money back. And then don't budge.

If you decide not to go, use the time with your partner being off work to have some family days out.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 16/06/2018 19:57

Send a group message along the lines of DrCordays suggestion but just use the first and last sentences to avoid arguments about driving or your friends shaming you into cycling. A straightforward text saying you won’t be coming on the holiday will be a definite decision for your friends.

I’m another poster who genuinely can’t understand why cycling is considered a good skill to have (unless you plan to be an organ donor at a young age)

HyacinthsBucket70 · 16/06/2018 19:59

I can ride a bike OP but it's bloody hard work and the thought of a cycling holiday would have been running at speed in the opposite direction. I'd have no issue with saying "sorry but you can't expect a non cyclist to take part in a cycling holiday and I would never have booked if I'd have known that was the plan. You've changed the plans and they no longer work for me".
They sound very rude to expect you to just learn! It would take you months to get to a standard of riding to spend 6 hours a day for a week on a bike. I'd say No, and it's not up for debate.

whiteroseredrose · 16/06/2018 20:01

Exactly Northern knickers. I too can ride a bike but haven't had the need to for 45 years. I have had to drive DS to A&E however....

To bike or not is a choice not a necessity. Don't be bullied into it OP.

Screaminginsideme · 16/06/2018 20:02

If they are hiring bikes the hire place may have an adult trike you can hire.

My SIL can’t ride a two wheel but will join us on a trike

Sofabitch · 16/06/2018 20:02

I hate walking. It's slow so I cycle. Which I also hate but at least its quick and I dont feel guilty for taking the car.

To me it feels an essential skill.

Original poster
Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 20:04

@Motoko well DP has read through the group chat in which we have been discussing the holiday and has in fact said my passivity has caused this situation. Friend1 (cycling enthusiast) first suggested the cycling. I responded I can't cycle. All 3 friends then said have a lesson and it will be fine. DP argues that I should have nipped the whole thing in the bud THEN and said no because after that point all 3 friends began discussing and planning the cycling in earnest and my next update was I'm not coming because the lesson didn't go well. So he is not being especially supportive but does agree I shouldn't go if I don't want to.

I'm meeting Friend 1 in the forest in order to draw a line under the situation and so all 3 friends can see I have tried!

OP posts:
CrazyDuchess · 16/06/2018 20:07

I am with the other posters - yanbu, I'd not go either. They don't sound like friends to me!

Original poster
Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 20:08

I have looked at Trikes as some of you have suggested. They look very cumbersome.

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 16/06/2018 20:11

They don’t need to see that you tried. You won’t try hard enough for her. Your cycle enthusiast friend will see your lack of balance as not putting in enough effort. A PROFESSIONAL skilled in training and patience couldn’t get you cycling. A bossy friend won’t do it either. Don’t put yourself in that situation. I agree that you may have come off a bit passive. But by being led into the forest you’re being passive again. Your friends might see you as being passive. They may see your lack of balance as being too passive to try also. It’s time to step up and say no.

diddl · 16/06/2018 20:11

Unless you're wanting to go at a very leisurely pace, I wouldn't have thought that a trike would be suitable at all.

Even if you don't have to balance, you still have to pedal, steer, be aware of traffic & realise that your back end is wider than your front!

Marmablade · 16/06/2018 20:11

If you don't want to do something not fun don't do it. It sounds like your friends are pressuring you into something you don't feel comfortable with. And yet the double standards of the driver-who-won't-drive is jaw dropping. These friends are being arseholes.

GabsAlot · 16/06/2018 20:12

its not a life skill theyre being really unfair

esp as one wont even consider driving even though they have a license

ask them what the difference is

Bluesmartiesarebest · 16/06/2018 20:13

Op, make sure that you don’t injure yourself in the forest. Your cycling friend sounds the type to push you down a hill then let go so that you have to balance. I know someone who lost their front teeth when they were being forced to learn to ride a bike by pushy parents.

Be careful! Flowers

Devilishpyjamas · 16/06/2018 20:17

Driving friend is being a princess. 3 days between driving 7 hours is hardly horrendous. So ignore that.

I don’t think I’d go unless I could find an activity to book myself on while they buggered off, but that doesn’t sound much fun either.

PieAndPumpkins · 16/06/2018 20:23

YANBU. Your friends changed the plans are you'd made plans together/spent money/inconvenienced DH. It's not your fault. Even if you were able to ride, doesn't mean you'd WANT to spend hours each day of your holiday cycling around. I certainly wouldn't, doesn't sound like my idea of a holiday at all.
Maybe you need to stand up for yourself and turn it back on your 'friends'. They are not being very considerate or understanding at all, just pissed off because you were going to drive.

PieAndPumpkins · 16/06/2018 20:23

after*

keyboardkate · 16/06/2018 20:23

Just to lighten things up a little. DON'T GO!

nocoolnamesleft · 16/06/2018 20:25

You agreed to go on a non-cycling holiday. The selfish fucks changed it into a cycling holiday, even though you had told them you couldn't cycle. Fuck them.

UpstartCrow · 16/06/2018 20:27

Your friends are being selfish.
Trikes are really hard to pedal compared to bikes, and they are hard to steer. If you have dyspraxia you aren't going to find it any easier.
Plus as far as fitness goes, you cant go from non cyclist to fit enough for a cycling holiday in a couple of lessons.

thenightsky · 16/06/2018 20:27

Where are they planning to actually cycle to? If its places like a beach, country pub etc, couldn't you just drive and meet them there?

puppymouse · 16/06/2018 20:27

I can ride a bike but it terrifies me. Had to go to hen do that involved a cycle a few years ago and I think I spent most of that part of the weekend screaming. Luckily everyone was largely sympathetic. I think you made the right decision for you and if it's upset their plans maybe they should have considered everyone's preferences and abilities when they decided to cycle every day.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 16/06/2018 20:29

One lesson to learn how to cycle? Dream on. What planet are they on?
It took me months before I was comfortable going on a road. And of course you have to be able to cycle one-handed at times so you can do right turns.

CoolCarrie · 16/06/2018 20:30

I can’t ride a bike either, but have always fancied a 3 wheeler, with a basket on the back.