To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

DS1 can't ride a bike, he has dyspraxia. Before he was diagnosed, we spent hundreds of hours trying to get him going. He was no more able at the end than at the start, though very keen to try and try again.

He will probably never be able to ride a bike. He has riden an adult trike a few times, but I've never bought one for him as he just wouldn't use it now (embarrassment factor in front of his mates). He's very jealous of DS2 who just mastered it aged 5.

I think your friends ABU - if you couldn't walk would they book a holiday then announce it was actually a walking holiday and you'd better get practising? The friend who refused to practise on a motorway is a total hypocrite too.

These two statements from your friends don't tally:

planned cycling from mid-morning to late afternoon

The holiday isn't a 'cycling holiday' according to her but the same break we planned with a few hours cycling thrown in so we can see the local villages, sights etc.

Mid-morning to late afternoon every day is far more than a few hours cycling thrown in it's the main activity every day and I would hazard a guess it is because your 'serious cyclist' friend wants it that way - all about her and what she enjoys. This is not the holiday you were invited to, either they compromise and ditch the cycling every day element or you don't go.

Mumofboys, you’ve missed the point as the Op doesn’t want to go cycling. Why should she be forced to participate in an activity she hates and struggles with? Some people are just not able to balance on a bike but more importantly, they don’t enjoy it.

Op, I think your cycling enthusiast friend is being a bit of a bully by insisting that she can teach you. Some sporty people just can’t understand why dyspraxic people can’t participate. It’s like asking a dyslexic person on a holiday where you are reading out loud to each other every single day. Or a person in a wheelchair on a rambling trip that isn’t accessible.

I suggest that you send her a link about dyspraxic because you sound like you have some of the traits (like me!).

if you can try the 1-1 again.in cycling there can be that moment of momentum where it just clicks and ur flying.dont give up just yet.if there us underlying condition then im sorry for you with that but perhaps a few more lessons first.
would you think about going and not doing the cycles.i don't want you to miss out on the holiday that's all im thinking.could you just slob about and do your own thing.perhaps drive to the villages they will be at meeting them there.it might take a bit more faffing but itl be worth it if your going to a beautiful place.

Even if it clicks, there's no guarantee she'll enjoy it. I hate cycling with a fiery passion. It hurts my knees and makes me angry. And I run so it's not general.

I can't imagine saying to someone who doesn't run, "yeah, let's run for hours every day if the holiday we planned". It's selfish and ridiculous.

I am mildly dyspraxic, and although I can cycle if i had to, I would not choose to go on a cycling holiday,
If i had a group of friends and we had all planned to go on holiday together and then they changed it to an activity I could not do and had no interest in, as the main focus of the trip, then id actually be pretty annoyed

I CAN cycle but I don't like it that much so I would be pissed off if on a girls break they decided to cycle every day.
Would it be possible for you to hire a 3 wheeler bike?

BTW where are you going? Because if it's Southern Europe I would be sorely tempted to hire a cute Vespa and zoom around them dressed like Audrey Hepburn.

If be tempted to go just to watch your other friends cursing at the cycling friend as they waddle about in agony looking like extras from a cowboy movie. Cycling, if you're not used to it, HURTS. It's bloody knackering and then when you get there you have to turn round and do it all again to come home.

Don't go. Do consider if these friends should stay close or be downgraded to aquaintantances.

You are not being unreasonable. Your friends however are being very unreasonable in changing the holiday plans without your consent.

They sound really horrible and selfish.

However in general I would say you can learn to ride a bike atany stage in life! My Mum wasn't taught at all as a child and learnt quite late into adulthood.

I can’t cycle and would never agree to this holiday or go on such a holiday if it morphed into this. I’m not dyspraxic but utterly petrified of heights - I wear flat shoes as I hate being off the ground even a few inches. I hate heels, bridges, tall buildings, planes, bikes and trikes. With a shit ton of therapy I can manage to get on a plane as I want to travel. But the idea of cycling for fun is alien. Your friends are being just utter shits. Is the keen cyclist the other driver or can’t drive or won’t drive?

I think your friends are arses and hypocrites with regards to the driving.

Even if you "passed" the lesson, you wouldn't suddenly be able to do miles and miles of cycling. When my kids were learning 2 miles for an initial ride was good going.,

Ps i don't mean you should do as they ask by this!

The one who has a licence couldnjust as easily get motor way lessons as you could get cycling lessons.

I learnt as an adult (DP taught me!) and I'm quite proficient now, but the thought of going on holiday and doing it everyday would put me right off! Could you suggest a mix of walking and cycling so you can go but not be alone every day? I think it's really unfair of them to do an activity not everyone can join in after you've booked. Thanks please do carry on with your lessons though, it will click eventually.

Its too short notice for you to learn how to ride competently and safely. My dsis learnt to ride as an adult but I think its taken her a few years to feel confident enough to ride as often as she does now. Driving is a far more useful life skill, given that you can ferry multiple passengers around, and as your disappointed friends have now found out! I'd gift your non driving friends some driving lessons for their next birthday (bitch that I am!).

If you want to give it one last ry this is how I learned literally in one day (after years of trying and failing).

1. Find a steep grassy hill.
2. Sit on the bike and let it roll down the hill with your feet walking it along.
3. Now roll down but with your feet not touching the ground except to catch yourself and repeat.
4. When ready roll down with feet on pedals. Repeat.
5. When ready roll down and pedal at the same time. Keep pedalling when you reach the bottom of the hill. Repeat.
6. When ready start by pedaling on flat ground and keep pedaling. Repeat.
7. When confident then practice steering, breaking etc.

This is by far the easiest way to get the hang of balancing yourself with the pedaling.

How on earth can people be this self-centred?!! Booking a holiday with friends but then randomly changing the holiday without it being discussed and agreed by everyone is incredibly selfish. Even worse is them refusing to listen to you when you've explained you don't cycle and don't wish to cycle on holiday. It really baffles me that people are behaving this way (in my entire life I've known only one person like this [sibling], but she is widely known for being exceptionally self-centred and even she wouldn't expect others to come along with her, would just plan to do an activity by herself and bugger the people she's with at the time!).

They are behaving as if you've applied for a job and, after accepting the post, have found out there's an extra aspect to the job which you didn't know about and for which you don't have the skills. An employer asking you to work on that would be perfectly reasonable (but they wouldn't get to throw a hissy fit if you couldn't do it). 'Friends' behaving as if they're entitled to commandeer your holiday - for which you've paid and made arrangements - and then requiring you to do something you don't wish to do is absolutely unreasonable.

As many PP have said, the instant you said that you didn't cycle your friends should have taken cycling off the itinerary. If people wish to have a cycling holiday/holiday with several long cycling trips , they either book on an organised cycling trip or go away with fellow cyclists. Whether or not you may be capable of riding a bike, it is clearly not on your wish-list of things to do on holiday and a holiday is a time when you get to choose what to do!

And, unless someone has an undiscovered latent talent for a particular activity, it is very unlikely that they would go from total beginner to enjoying it for hours on end in the space of a couple of months.

I came on to say what darlingnikita said. Go, enjoy the activities you can do with your friends and enjoys the time to yourself when they're out peddling.
I would be upset if I was the other driver, but I would be upset that the change in activity had put me in that position. Not upset with you.

I wouldn't go either. Walking is fun and free and easy for most people, why can they not compromise and go walking instead.

Easy to get a cab back from a destination too. And gin is allowed also happy days!

I'd be majorly pissed off if I were you. You booked a relaxing holiday and it is has morphed into something you can't do and wouldn't enjoy, yet you're being blamed?! Not nice friends. Fuck that.

If you want to go, can you hire a 3 wheeled bike? I'm sure I've heard of them before. That will give you more stability. Or suggest to friends, you'll still go, but on the proviso that only one day contains cycling and you will sit out that day and sell it to them as you will only slow them down blah, blah, blah.

Did not realise you can get bike lessons for an adult.

The holiday was not about bike riding when it was planned and I would seriously point that out to your friends and tell them you would never have agreed to go if it was. I can't ride a bike either I just have no confidence after falling off once and breaking my collar bone shortly after I had learned. Now I would not want to ride a stupid bike. No problems as I can do other things like swimming, walking, body boarding, playing badminton and I love to read and do puzzle books on the beach. Could you invite another friend who also does not like cycling to come on holiday with you too? If not I would give your friends a choice either you go on holiday and 3 days must be spent not cycling and doing other stuff you can join in with or you do not go.

I would be so annoyed at my friends. Stop agonising over this and text the group:

'Hi all.

To be clear, I will not enjoy a holiday that is now a cycling holiday. This was not what we all originally planned. It is my idea of hell, even if I could cycle (which I can't currently and don't have any inclination to learn cycling in a short time frame to fit into this holiday).

It is unfair of Driver Friend1 to be annoyed with me because I am pulling out, when Driver Friend2 can also drive and isn't being shamed into driving.

I feel like I am being shamed into learning to ride a bike by each of you.

I did the right thing by pulling out now because I will not be happy on holiday when cycling is taking up most of the day each day and I won't be with you all.

I'm hurt that you all think I am the one ruining a holiday due to being a designated driver, but surely you can all see the holiday is now DIFFERENT to what we planned. I haven't changed the holiday, you all have.

It is what it is and I know what I want and don't want from a holiday, unfortunately, cycling is definitely something I don't want.

Have fun
Eastie77

Holiday activities should be decided by group discussion surely, not forced on people who might be unhappy with certain suggestions. However, riding a bike, like swimming, is a good skill to have so perhaps you could persist on a 1 to 1 basis.
At the same time you need to say to the non driver that she needs to take lessons and to the nervous driver that she needs to grow some balls and start driving on busy roads because you only intend to do one quarter of the driving. It's your holiday too so see how they like things being foisted on them!