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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
Veronicat · 19/06/2018 08:18

Another option. Go for a pub lunch with wine. Then oppps, you can't pick them up (as you don't have a bike rack) as can't drive. Or option B; just say No.

Larrythecat · 19/06/2018 08:41

I think after one day of cycling, F2 and F3 will start to ache. By second day, they probably don't fancy a third day, specially if as suggested they cycle occasionally but are not cyclists. You are likely to be able to spend days with them, together or separately. I'd be surprised if they actually manage a cycling holiday at the rhythm of F1.
Consider whether you could go and wait for the fallback.
F1 is a bit self centered and I'm surprised she doesn't get that for people who don't cycle everyday, a cycling holiday will put a lot of strain in the body. Even more so for you. I'd go, do my thing, wait for any other friend to get tired and join you (they will), I'm sure F2 and F3 will also realize then how selfish F1 is, or F1 will have to back down when everyone starts complaining about pain. I don't see this happening once they start to ache. F2 and F3 might have this idea of cycling out of a 50s Hollywood movie, but reality will hit!

aeromint · 19/06/2018 12:25

"F2&3 not being regular cyclists won't be able to bloody MOVE the next day! "

OP, you need to say this to your friends. Tell them you know on authority that they are going to be in agony the day after. They need to know. Message them this privately, if you don't want to put it in the group chat.

Jaxhog · 19/06/2018 12:53

So, having booked and paid for a relaxing break with friends , they now want you to go on a cycling holiday, where you get to chauffeur some of them around at their convenience! Yep, it's definitely a muggins driver they want.

rainbowstardrops · 19/06/2018 13:17

Your problem is definitely with friend 1. I'd hazard a guess that the other two are going off the idea. Is it possible to message them away from the group chat and see if you can work something out?

Friend 1 is definitely being unreasonable and quite frankly, not a very good friend

RobinMansions · 19/06/2018 15:10

Why doesn't F1 just go for the bike ride on her own?! What a palaver.

DarlingNikita · 19/06/2018 15:27

F1 sounds absolutely awful. If she wants a cycling holiday so badly she should arrange one with friends who can actually ride a bike

I came on to say this. I don't really understand how a general/leisurely walks/beach visits trip has suddenly become a cycling trip.

I'd be tempted to get back on the group chat and remind everyone that this was never planned or agreed as a specialist-interest holiday.

Iloveacurry · 19/06/2018 15:37

Yes sounds like friend 1 is on drugs! I can ride a bike, but I wouldn’t consider riding 36 miles as a holiday!! Do your walk and leave them to it.

LizB62A · 19/06/2018 15:39

Ask your friends if they've got their padded shorts and cycling gloves ready - they'll need them for 36 miles !

And don't let them hijack your day - if you're going for your trek, just leave it to them - they either get themselves back or they don't, but you won't be available Smile

I go on cycling holidays, doing 30-40 miles a day with regular breaks - it's a lot for people who aren't used to cycling that sort of distance

BeefyCakes · 19/06/2018 15:57

In my opinion, the holiday is already ruined.

The cycling friend has changed the agenda, changed what was originally planned, changed what you originally agreed to and paid for.

I think the holiday will be tense, there will be an atmosphere, and the cycling will go tits up because only one friend is a proficient cyclist. The other two will hurt too much to carry on/come back from the cycling route.

Don't go. Get your money back. And may be leave the friendship for a while.

Branleuse · 19/06/2018 17:07

agree, the holiday is already ruined.

Id just text back and say look ladies, this holiday is fucked already now for me. Im bowing out. Enjoy yourselves.

flowergrrl77 · 19/06/2018 17:42

Oh what a shame... you can’t collect them as your afternoon alone also involved wine.... ;)

ChrisInTheNorth · 19/06/2018 22:27

If they want you as a driver, then they need to make a compromise. can they just cycle just half the time they were planning to, and you do your own think in that time?

Personally I never mastered cycling!

But that hardly matters, you don't enjoy cycling. People have changed plans that you are part of, which you have made a financial and time commitment too, without consulting you. You have every right to stick up for what you want to do.

CaparaAlecha · 20/06/2018 09:29

I have an idea - following on from cargo bike i mentioned earlier.

My cargo bike can take up to 100kg so an adult can easily sit in it.

I suggest F1 hires a cargo bike, you sit in the front, and F1 pedals you around. After all, it's an easy ride :)

Something like this...

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’
Original poster
Eastie77 · 20/06/2018 14:56

F1 is on a work trip so hasn't been on the Group chat but her last message was that the trail is so easy that most of the people who use it are not even 'real' cyclists (like her!) and it is all kids and families. She is behaving as if she has made a big sacrifice by not doing the proper, arduous routes she would like to do. So I bit the bullet and privately messaged her suggesting she does some of it on her own and no response yet.

She actually acknowledged I shouldn't do the pick up after my trek and said it is a really lovely trail to walk on as well so there is nothing to stop F2 and F3 walking back (wheeling the bike I assumeConfused).

I do plan to go now because it's a lovely cottage and destination and she has made a change and reduced cycling from 3 to 1 day so I'd feel bad if I pulled out again. And actually, I'm happy with the plans as they are now - I just don't want to get pulled into F2's drama.

I don't really understand why F2 is going on about the return bit to be honest. In her shoes I would just smile and nod and then on the day itself she should cycle for as long as feels comfortable and then just turn back when she's had enough. F1 will be annoyed but will just carry on without her I'm sure!

OP posts:
Original poster
Eastie77 · 20/06/2018 15:10

@Whatshallidonowpeople - believe it or not, I really didn't spend hours in a lesson, falling off a bike and feeling like an idiot to 'prove a point'. My friends were not present so I could have just pretended to go rather than putting myself through all of that if I didn't want to learn.

I have young DC and I imagine it would be nice to ride alongside them on family rides occasionally. Unfortunately I'm proof that the 'you can do it if you want' mantra simply isn't always true.

OP posts:
fuzzyfozzy · 20/06/2018 15:57

It's sounding like a good plan. Make sure you have something really lovely to do on their bike ride day, and some alcohol so you're not the designated collector

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 20/06/2018 16:06

so there is nothing to stop F2 and F3 walking back

What? Apart from the fact that it'll take 5-6 hours......

She's an arse...

sonjadog · 20/06/2018 16:19

They cannot walk back 18 miles.

TheNavigator · 20/06/2018 16:23

Glad you are going on the holiday and I suspect that you may have at least one more friend joining you on your non-cycling day Grin

rookiemere · 20/06/2018 16:39

At this point I think it's best for everyone to let the dust settle for a while. You've got what you needed - cycling reduced to one day only and you're not required to do any pick ups.

F2& F3 are adults and apparently proficient bike riders so they need to be the ones to have the conversation with F1 rather than try and drag you into the arrangements, and to be honest I think it will work itself out on the day. I would just smile and nod and say that you've planned to do this lovely walk instead whilst they are away and you look forward to hearing how they have got on.

Or find a pub that works as a halfway point for a walk for you and tell them you'll be there at lunch time if they want to meet up- that gives them an out to cut the trip short should they wish.

FWIW I'm not a great cyclist but recently did a 14 mile round trip with friends to a pub for lunch which took us about an hour each way ( although my legs felt somewhat stiff the following day) . Therefore its not inconceivable that they could manage the full 36 mile round trip in a day with a few stops.

SpandexTutu · 20/06/2018 16:46

F1 is on another planet.
No novice or occasional cyclist could do 36 miles is one day.
And nobody would cycle 18 miles and then walk back for 18 pushing a bike - and enjoy it.
I would just stay out of this now - I see a row brewing between F1 and the rest of the peleton. Grin Grin Grin

SpandexTutu · 20/06/2018 16:48

Sorry - typo - peloton not peleton.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 20/06/2018 17:06

Are you off to Padstow?!
The Camel Trail is lovely for a bit, then it gets pretty effing boring, especially if you're doing the whole thing there and back.

If there's a desire to do something 'active' together, then let F1 get up early in the morning (as cyclists love to do) and go for a ride, then when you're all back together hire canoes, kayaks or SUPs or something.
If I'm right about location, you could even do part of a similar route!

Mia184 · 20/06/2018 17:20

I am an avid cyclist as well but I would never tell people who don’t cycle regularly and long distances that it is easy. Friends 2 & 3 might end up with saddle sores which are very unpleasant.
Friend 1 probably meant Chamois cream but you have to apply it liberally on your private parts for it to do its magic. That’s fine when your wearing lycra cycling pants but when you are wearing jeans or so it might make areas wet you don’t want to look wet.
I read somewhere once that Chris Froome uses blister pads for feet to treat his saddle sores so maybe you should bring along some Compeed plasters for friends 2 & 3 Grin