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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 18/06/2018 21:20

No 'hardcore club cyclists' do 28 miles at the weekend, unless technical mountain biking. More like 80 miles if road cycling, or 50-60 if very hilly.

28 miles is for the slow group, which I am part of, or an evening potter.

As for a popular cycling route taking 2-3 hours for 9 miles, is this with toddlers, or is it a technical mountain bike route? Most people could walk it in that time.

Graphista · 18/06/2018 21:27

Not flat round here very hilly might be a factor.

GabsAlot · 18/06/2018 22:44

dont know where youre going but it prob noreally flat i reckon shes just saying that

poor other friends although all they have to do is peak up

Original poster
Eastie77 · 18/06/2018 22:52

So the trail is apparently along a disused train line. F1 is insisting it is doable with plenty of stops, lunch etc and pointing out that it is completely flat and suitable for kids and even wheelchair users. She seems to have accepted I am not cycling - well she hasn't mentioned any more lessons.

F2 is beginning to state forcefully on the group chat that she cannot do the return journey and is worried about using an unfamiliar bike. I think F1 is getting a bit annoyed. I'm waiting to see how it pans out between them because what I don't want to do is go on this break if there is going to be arguments and drama! F3 hasn't said too much but I'm guessing she doesn't want to do the round trip either.

I really don't want to pick up F2 & F3 as I want to enjoy my trek without having to rush off and jump in the car to collect them. I'm told the bikes can go on the roof of the car which sounds like a faff. Picking them up would mean F1 cycling back on her own but I'm getting the feeling she will be happy with this as F2's comments are irritating herGrin

OP posts:
snewname · 18/06/2018 23:03

They could go on the roof but only with proper bike racks which presumably they don't have.
I think she'll be doing it on her own...

snewname · 18/06/2018 23:06

Oh and it won't be the physical exercise which will be the problem on a flat 18 mile x2 route, it'll be the sore bum.

INeedNewShoes · 18/06/2018 23:21

Having cycled 18 miles the unseasoned cyclists will wince putting their bums back on the saddle to cycle back. This is not going to end well, for anyone (apart from you OP as you'll be off enjoying your trek). Be sure to turn your phone off so that you can't receive the call to go and rescue them.

DamsonGin · 18/06/2018 23:33

Why can't they just cycle nine miles then turn back?

GenericHamster · 18/06/2018 23:42

Friend one is trying to turn her hobby into everyone's and genuinely can't see why you don't all love cycling. Friends 2 and 3 seem as if they could cope with two or three miles somewhere, then a gentle pootle back, otherwise they want a courier (you).

And you are in the same position to me - I did learn to ride a bike many years ago but have actually forgot (honest, I tried recently) but more importantly HATE IT, so it wouldn't matter if I could do it or not, but no one could make me cycle 36 miles in a day on a 'holiday'.

MiddleClassProblem · 18/06/2018 23:59

Sounds like they might be doing some of the Tarka Trail?

There are lots of stops and it’s pretty flat and tarmaced (although I’ve not done all of it) but I can’t imagine friend 1 would want to stop that often.

I also don’t get the cycling thing unless you’re really into it. You can’t chat much like with walking and your bum hurts.

Who’s going to be putting the bikes on top of the car? I’m guessing they’ll put it on you as you haven’t been cycling and they’d say you had more energy.

I reckon friends 2 and 3 and going to rapidly shorten this cycling day.

MumofBoysx2 · 19/06/2018 00:04

I can totally recommend the bike trailers that fit on your tow bar (obviously you would need to get a tow bar fitted if you don't have one) we have one and it's fab. You can still open the boot too. So much less faff than putting it on the roof!

Graphista · 19/06/2018 00:30

I can see serious ructions ahead! All because F1 refuses to not do cycling for a few days - I agree op the keen cyclists I know now are FAR less reasonable than when I was 20+ years ago. I've friends with husbands that are now mamil and their behaviour has put a strain on their relationships. Personally I think it's a form of exercise addiction. That's why I wondered if F1 was single, I also wonder if she has DC because it would be very hard to keep up a lot of cycling with, especially, very young DC.

But that's her lookout.

Why F1&2 didn't tell her to Knob off at the beginning is what's puzzling me, that's why I was thinking she's ALWAYS been the dominant one in the group. Otherwise it would've made more sense for the 3 of you non-cyclists to tell her to calm the fuck down!

I can see a major bust up happening day 1 when F2&3 can't keep up with F1 who thinks she's bloody Nicole Cooke or something!

You know their personalities best as to how likely this is, seems there's already quite a bit of tension.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/06/2018 00:33

There's no way to bring even one bike back without a rack unless you have a truck, SUV or a very, very large sedan. And I've never heard of a bike rack 'option' for a rental car. Maybe the bike rental place has them? But it'd have to be the roof type that clips on the luggage rack because the other types hook on tow hitches. But to use a roof rack, you'd have to have a luggage rack to start with!

At this point unless you want to put your foot down ahead of time about NOT being the 'retrieval vehicle' so F1 doesn't 'commit you to it', then I'd just remain quiet and let F2 and F3 duke it out with F1. I wouldn't be surprised if, now that you've backed out, they don't end up backing out, too. Especially if you come up with something really tempting that you'll be doing whilst their busting their bums on bikes. Any wine tasting in the area? Culinary tours?

kiwigeekmum · 19/06/2018 02:23

It sounds like you've reached a great compromise (only one day of cycling, while you do your own thing) so well done!

I'm sure you'll have a lovely holiday, in fact probably the best holiday of all of them.

Friend 2 & 3 will quickly realise that this isn't such a great idea after all. Try not to gloat too much. Grin Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/06/2018 02:37

I thought it sounded like the Tissingon trail, but that has a fairly subsantial dip about halfway along. And it is DULL DULL DULL!

whiteroseredrose · 19/06/2018 06:27

OP be clear that you're not going to pick them up. If they want to cycle then they'll be cycling back too. You'll be out walking without mobile phone cover and having a leisurely lunch. Anyone is free to join you if they wish.

(Evil grin but I had a feeling it would start to fall apart. Friend 2 doesn't really want to ride either but didn't want to say no to cyclezilla!)

Imchlibob · 19/06/2018 07:29

F1 is deluded.

Please point out that being their bike-retrieval-service and support vehicle is not compatible with you having a pleasant day doing something non-cycling.

I live near to a cycle path that is similar to that described - disused railway track suitable for kids & new cyclists. The whole route is about 17 miles and if you ask Google maps for directions by cycle it claims the whole route would take an hour and 20 minutes.

In reality we have done a genuinely leisurely cycling day out along that path with plenty of stops and a nice lunch (this is with a variety of kids 8-10 years old, and adults including quite unfit & overweight (me)) - this can be achieved by planning to do a round trip of no more than 14 miles total so just a 7 mile section of the path. I'm in total agreement that you OP shouldn't be touching a cycle in any case but F1 is crazy to think that F2 and F3 could manage a 36 mile round trip in a day.

rookiemere · 19/06/2018 07:40

Most cars will easily fit one bike if you take off the front wheel. Not all bikes though have a front wheel that’s easy to take off and you’re likely to need at least one back seat flat to fit it in.

However two fit two inside you’d need both back seats down so couldn’t give your friends a lift home which defeats the purpose really.
Bike racks are costly and in my experience every single one we’ve had has resulted in some sort of scratching.

At this point though I’d leave the other friends to sort out the biking discussions- safe in the knowledge that its only one day of the trip and plans are likely to be scaled down. If they directly ask about a lift back explain the logistics because it’s simply not possible.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/06/2018 07:44

Of course you don't learn with that attitude. You are determined to fail to prove a point.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 19/06/2018 07:44

Step back & leave them to their discussions.

If they mention transporting the bikes just point out the lack of roof bars, tow bar, bike racks etc & also that you'll be walking & can't guarantee to be in an area with signal when they try to call you, might take you a couple of hours to return to the car etc....

If they want to do separate things to you on a day, then it has to be self contained & not impact your day....

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 19/06/2018 07:46

Of course you don't learn with that attitude. You are determined to fail to prove a point.

Hang on, cycling has never been on the cards from the OPs POV.

If they want to cycle, off they go - but maybe they should pick a circular route, or one that's achievable based on ability??

BlackberryandNettle · 19/06/2018 07:46

It's turnedbinto a cycling holiday, you can't cycle and don't enjoy it - of course you don't want to go! Just say this.

rookiemere · 19/06/2018 07:52

Have you actually read the thread Blackberry ?

If so - or at least the OPs posts - you'll see that the cycling element has been reduced to one day. Therefore your comment is now not particularly relevant.

SamHeughansLeftEyebrow · 19/06/2018 07:55

Sounds like the Camel Trail to me. Which genuinely is flat and easy. I did it towing a bike trailer, pregnant friend on a tandem. Did it again a couple of years ago with 5 year old barely off stabilisers.

Not saying OP should do it, but the other, less seasoned cyclists would manage it.

MoonsAndJunes · 19/06/2018 08:15

F1 sounds absolutely awful.
If she wants a cycling holiday so badly she should arrange one with friends who can actually ride a bike.
She has tried to bully you at every step. You do not need to learn to ride a bike and F1 is a complete idiot if she thinks that you will be up to a 30 something mile trek after a few lessons.
Stop giving them excuses & tell them that you did not sign up to a cycling holiday of any description & no longer want to go.