To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

Friend 2 asked if I would meet them all at the end point and drive them back

Something tells me there won't be a cycling tour on that first day either.

36 miles is crazy - my back and wrists give up long before my lungs and legs. Most my back can take is about 15 miles and from that point I am in agony.

You need to put an end to this - it's getting daft.

Dear friends - when we booked the holiday I thought it was going to be mainly walking and relaxing. I have no problem if the rest of you now want to spend your time cycling, but I really don't want to do that. I also don't want to spend my days hanging out on my own or waiting around to be a taxi service for the rest of you.
I would rather save my holiday allowance to do things I actually enjoy.
Please go ahead with the trip - I hope you have a great week - and let's meet up soon.

Absolutely agree with @SpandexTutu !! Great message.

Seems to me they just need you there to drive them about. Would they consider a deep sea fishing holiday if you couldn't swim or was scared of water? Infact by the sounds of your friends, they'd expect you to learn how to drive the boat out there for them

I'd be telling them to sod right off, learn to drive and stop changing plans after things have been booked!

If friend 2 and 3 aren't regular cyclists there is no way they will want to do 18 miles - let alone 36.

Friend 1 is being very selfish, putting the focus of the holiday on the hobby that only she enjoys.

I learned when I was a child but at nearly 25 I can't say I would know how to ride a bike now and have no intention of ever doing so for as long as I live lol. Sounds like a lot of effort, screw that 😂. Holidays are for relaxing not for exercising daily.

36 miles on a flat trail at a leisurely pace with lots of pub and cafe stops really isn't hardcore cycling.

If you haven't sat on a bike for a while it'll knacker you - both then & for the rest of the week!!

36 miles!!! That's ridiculous. Friends 2 & 3 are going to be so sore they'll be good for nothing the rest of the trip!

Thing is, even 'flat' paths aren't really 'flat'. There may not be hills you can see, but there is usually change(s) in elevation and even over a long distance, 'uphill' is still 'uphill'.

If it were me, now that it's just one day, I'd probably go on the trip. My DH is a big hiker (I'm not) and we do a lot of RV'ing to our Natl Parks (I'm in the US). It's not unusual for him to take a day hike with his friend who often camps with us. I stay behind and just relax, read, nap, or take a little walk to the gift shops.

36 miles. . Make sure you have a few alcoholic drinks so you can’t go and pick anyone up. If friend 2&3 are struggling, I wouldn’t put it past them to concoct a plan that friend 1 returns with 2 bikes and you pick up 2&3 plus one bike, which would probably fit. Forewarned an all that!

Could you suggest to friends 2 and 3 that friend 1 goes cycling on her own and you all meet her at the end point in a nearby pub? I bet they’d much prefer to do that rather than a 36 mile ride that will leave them walking like cowboys!

If they go ahead, PLEASE tell us how friends 2 &3 get on!

You absolutely have to promise to update us!!!

Hang on! A poster mentioned that the proposed mileage is 6 hours. Have you spent six hours on a UK recently??!!! My DH is a head core cyclist and regularly does 100km in a day, but even he is sore the next day. Please go just to document their agony! I know, that's mean.i wouldn't go. Leave them to it.

Tell them you’ll cycle on the holiday if they all get driving licences in time.

Or, more seriously, just tell them that this is way too much pressure in the run up to something that should be fun.

There are three dyspraxics in my house and, honestly, we don’t learn and consolidate complicated motor activities by being rushed and hassled. I’m sure you’re capable of learning to cycle if and when you want to, but not like this.

Ignore silly suggestions that are actually more pressure disguised as “help”.

You’re well within your rights to look for a replacement attendee since the entire nature of the holiday has been high handedly changed since you booked.

36 miles on a flat trail at a leisurely pace with lots of pub and cafe stops really isn't hardcore cycling.

If it is between villages in a hilly part of the country it won't be flat and there are not many parts of the UK which are completely flat. We are not The Netherlands. For non cyclists it is a lot and they will end up with sore backsides and legs the next day.

I was saddle sore after 8 miles on my own bike at the weekend, 36 on hired bikes, they're going to be walking or John Wayne for days after.

We cycled 300km along the Danube a couple of years ago over the course of a week (I'm in my 50s and husband is a serious cyclist).
Whilst it was a relaxing peddle for him, 30+ miles was the most we did in a day and I was whacked by the end of each day - in spite of having practised on the static bikes at the gym before we set off.
The cycle paths were perfectly flat, and we had plenty of breaks.
Your friends are in for a real shock trying to cover that distance in the UK, up hill and down dale.
They need to speak up and say no, right now. Your serious cyclist friend is not being at all realistic or reasonable.

my arse is aching and my thighs are chaffing at the thought of 36 miles on a bike

To be fair - 18 miles (if flat) probably is doable for a child fairly early on in their cycling career.

My son did 16 miles in a day just before he turned 4. It was a very flat, very straight road though with very regular points of “interest” - which were well signed and interesting for a three year old. We also stopped every 4 miles for food and drink.

We did have a plan as to how we could get the car and pick him up if he genuinely couldn’t finish as well and if as it was a “there and back” thing we would have turned round earlier if necessary.

He also had a big sister that he was desperate to keep up with.

36 miles is another story - I suspect that families would have bike racks and would do the ride as a family and then one of the parents go for the car whilst the other stays with the kids (probably in a pub!)

How far is it to where the “ride” starts. People always forget that if it is 3 miles to the start of a ride then that will add another 6 miles to your ride.

Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on

Sounds like a lovely holiday.

they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

Sounds like a crap holiday.

Your friends are being unreasonable. Even if you were a competent cyclist, it doesn't mean that you would enjoy a cycling holiday. I can ride a bike, but find no pleasure in doing so and would never choose a cycling holiday. Your inability to ride is irrelevant - they have changed the fundamental nature of the holiday to something that isn't for you. They should change their plans back, or refund you.

I said it would take them six hours if they cycled very very slowly, barely faster than walking pace.

It was the OP who said it was flat and family friendly. There are plenty of UK cycling trails along old railway lines and canals that are either flat or very gently gradiented, by definition.

Your friends sound like a selfish bunch. I wouldn't be planning to go away with them again and would have no qualms about bailing out on this holiday.

I really hate it when something is arranged and then one or two people start trying to change everything to suit themselves and then act as if it's the other people who are being awkward.

36 miles enjoy your trek!

The popular cycle route near me is 9 miles. Takes 2-3 hours.

Back in the day when I was a keen cyclist I've done it twice in one day (with other keen cyclists), my commute back then was 11 miles round trip so 5.5 miles, day at work (office job) 5.5 miles back, up to 20 miles in a day at weekends. Most hobbyists who don't cycle regularly (and therefore don't have the muscle memory) find it MORE than enough to do the 9 with frequent stops available. (There's cafes etc at roughly 2-3 mile gaps)

18 miles in one day with a long lunch break, own bikes (hire bikes are shite, is F1 taking own bike perchance?), good padded saddle cover MIGHT be doable.

36 miles on the 1st day is BONKERS! F1's gonna end up fucking lynched if she keeps this nonsense up!

F2&3 not being regular cyclists won't be able to bloody MOVE the next day! Save maybe to throw something at F1!

Barbaraofseville - are you/have you been a keen cyclist? Done this level of cycling yourself? Even my local cycling club I've just checked their regular weekend route - and these ARE hardcore cyclists - they only do 28 miles round trip

I don't know what kind of car you have OP, but I used to think I couldn't fit my son's bike in my car until I discovered that people just take the front wheel off, then it fits easily!
So you could probably go and pick up the two nice friends and their bikes after they give up in a heap after ten miles they have done the eighteen miles, and leave Cyclezilla to cycle home at her own speed.