To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

TBH even if you do learn to cycle before your holiday, it’s unlikely you’ll feel confident enough to go on a cycling holiday without more practice. You could go with them and do as much cycling as you feel comfortable with - none if you don’t want or can’t. Then raise the point that next time you do an activity holiday, it should be one that you all want to take part in.

I can cycle pretty well. But it's boring as fuck, and I wouldn't want a holiday that includes cycling.

I've not RTFT but if I were you, I'd persist with learning and go to the 121 lesson however even when I CAN ride a bike still not be going on that holiday.

They're selfish and mean. As you said previously, as a new rider you're still not going to be confident enough to cycle as much as they're suggesting

Yanbu! If they had invited you on a cycling holiday you would not have signed up. They are being selfish and unreasonable. Your other half seems to be taking out his frustrations on you too - it is not your fault your supposed friends moved the goal posts. Can he not see that you are disappointed and hurt? Sending hugs andunderstanding vibes. It's hard to be excluded x

For those people advocating tandems or tricycles, please believe me when I say neither of these would work for the OP.

If you're a non-rider or a nervous newbie, you would feel very unsafe on the back of a tandem. If the OP has problems with balance (which she obviously does), she will lurch unevenly on the tandem and this will put a big strain on the front rider - and may well cause both riders to fall.

As a life-long bicycle rider I was rather shocked, when I bought a tricycle (Pashley Picador) for long-haul shopping purposes in the country, to find that it's actually not that easy to ride. The balance is not as stable as it looks and things like cornering are completely different from bicycling and do require good balance. Falling over with a tricycle (as I did once after a mobility vehicle collided with me on the cycle path) can be very painful. As with a tandem, there's a lot of bike to become tangled with.

I think you're definitely not BU, OP - give your 'friends' the brush-off in no uncertain terms!

I have dyspraxia and it's not always as straightforward as 'can' or 'can't' do things.

I mastered driving and playing the drums no problem - I get very easily confused by physical instructions though, and my spontaneous reflexes are a lot more precise than my planned ones.

I can't ride a bike - I did start to learn, but our bike broke, and neither my sister or I were interested enough to ask for a new one. I've never had any interest in going faster than walking but slower than driving to get somewhere.

Literally one of about twenty close friends even owns a bike, let alone cycles regularly. It's not a life skill. It's a hobby-skill at best.

1. Cycling clearly isn't your gig. Don't beat yourself up over it. Your talents are elsewhere. Don't let anyone push you to do something you don't want to do.
2. Your friends sound so uptight it is clear they definitely need a holiday!
3. You could go, but do your own thing during the day and then just meet them in the evenings. Solitude can be very therapeutic. I often have short breaks in search of silence and solitude and I return very relaxed and recharged.

But I am sorry this holiday is beginning to sound more stressful than changing job or moving house. Stay strong!

I've made it to the age of 59 without ever learning to ride a bike. No dyspraxia as far as I am aware. My mum gave me one lesson, I fell off and it hurt. Never bothered again. Meh. No biggy.

However, thanks to this thread I have learnt there is such a thing as adult lessons, and this has got me thinking I might like another go.

YANBU. Some can't and some can, you can't cycle, friends can't drive. I can't cycle, did learn just about to stay upright as a child and was due to be given bike for birthday. Friend given bike at Christmas and was killed on her bike 8 weeks later. My parents abandoned bike for me so I never had the opportunity to really learn. Have kind of regretted this but no great loss in my life. Friends have been selfish changing style of holiday so don't go.

Friend 1 is smoking drugs it seems, by which I mean she seems a bit detached from reality. She has suggested an amended itinery which now involves a day of cycling and I am ok to spend that 1 day mostly on my own as I can go on a locally organized trek (the original plan). We agree I will not take part. So she has sent a suggested 1 day cycling trail to Friends 2 & 3 which is a "family friendly trail, ideal for children and those who have only recently mastered cycling" (she underlined that bit in a last bid to try and convince me I think!)

It is off-road, all flat surfaces. However it is 18 miles. I don't understand how a child who has recently learned to cycle would be able to cycle 18 miles? Or is this that not very long in ‘cycling’ miles

Friend 2 asked if I would meet them all at the end point and drive them back and I pointed out that the bikes would not fit in the car. Unless they are hiring foldable bikes I guess.So looks like 36 miles of cycling for Friends 2&3!

Oh and to answer the questions re. my driving ability – I passed my test on the 2nd or 3rd attempt but it took about a year of lessons. Funnily enough Friend 2 passed at the same time as me. I immediately bought a 2nd hand old banger to keep on driving post-test as I knew if I let it lapse I would lose my confidence – driving in London requires nerves of steel – and booked motorway lessons. Friend 2 never bothered to do either and and so here we are.

@graphista – have to agree that all the keen cyclists I know (mainly through work) have an almost obsessive, cult-like love for the activity and can happily spend hours discussing their rides over the weekends, latest cycling developments etc in the office. To each their own

@greatauntmary – thank you. I’m grateful for all the advice but I can’t understand why so many people think the trike or tandem option would work for me. Nothing about any of those options looks workable or enjoyable to me.

@nightsky – despite my experiences I would say go for it. I have a specific situation but I can objectively see why and how learning to ride could be of benefit if it’s something you’re interested in. If you live in London your local council will run free lessons, I don’t know about the rest of the country though.

This cycling won’t happen. Friends 2 & 3 will pull out as well.

Wow your friend is very unreasonable!
And I say this as someone who loves cycling and has taught 2 adult friends to ride bikes!

couple of thoughts:

• tandem - bad idea - a novice will throw the other off balance, and it'll be very stressful. The novice couldn't possibly control the bike so would need to be on the back, and will then have to deal with not being in control!
• trike - good idea if everybody does it, but they're generally a good bit heavier so if it was just you on a trike you'd be much slower, which would be embarassing and annoying for the others.
• also even if you learnt enough to do it for a day you'd ache like crazy and it wouldn't be much fun.

All that said, I think you should go on the 1-2-1 lesson (and not tell your friends). Couldn't hurt right?

Bit shitty of the group to try and totally change the type of holiday to somethign you can't do... surely that should be by consensus!

36 miles? Friends 3 & 4 are going to hurt like hell for a couple of days, if they haven't been cycling for a good while.

Anyway, it looks like a reasonable compromise has been reached, so well done for sticking to your guns and I hope you have a lovely time.

And please update us after the trip. I look forward to hearing how the other 2 get on with their cycling.

36 miles cycling

Imo if it was 18 miles in total - 9 each way, with lots of stops and lunch etc - it might be achievable, assuming a reasonable level of fitness.

I think friend 2 and 3 are in for a shock. And a sore arse for the rest of the holiday.

They might be able to find a short cut back? Glad a compromise has been reached. Is DH ok about it?

Oh dear, F2 and F3 are going to spend the rest of the holiday in agony!

Stick to your guns OP, have a nice time, and please do come back to let us know how it goes.

I only cycle on holiday and while it's most enjoyable cruising through the traffic-free Turkish countryside in the sunshine, my bum/foof region is killing me after about 30 minutes pedaling today.

Well done you for giving it a go. Your friends are unreasonable for changing the plan, hypocritical for not accepting that you don't enjoy cycling and shouldn't be guilted into it, and they are frankly nuts for wanting to do all that cycling in the first place.

I'd honestly be questioning the friendship, I can't imagine my close friends doing that to me

YANBU i can cycle but i hate it so would cancel a holiday if cycling was suggested.

I can cycle and enjoy it as a fun leisure activity but not sure I would want to do a full cycling holiday which is what this sounds like. I do think though if you have the opportunity for a one to one lesson with an instructor you should do that and persist not necessarily for the holiday but in the future your DC may like to go cycling and you could miss out on experiencing fun family days out. Wasting the instructors time is a daft reason to give up and given you are an adult and it is more difficult to learn then you may need more than the one lesson you have had. It sounds like you have no confidence in your ability which in itself is probably holding you back. I also think you should let your friend help you learn so they can't say you didn't try. Your friend who has never driven on the motorway should also do the refresher lesson.

From the sound of it though your DH has now cancelled his leave which could be a problem if your friends now say cycling is off the agenda because they want you to come.

Is there a nearby spa for F2 + 3 to soak their poor sore muscles as I think that maybe how you spend the rest of the week.

Have you decided to go now based on the new itinerary?

36 miles !!!! That is seriously hard core cycling.

"Friend 2 asked if I would meet them all at the end point and drive them back "

What's the point of that?

If they think that 18 miles there & 18 miles back is too uch, then they need to be speaking up.

PLus, if it's going to shit them up for therest of the holiday then what's the point?

Are you still thinking of going Op or is it now a definite no?

Yanbu! I can ride a bike but including that in my holiday plans without all agreeing!? Nope, maybe for one day but I don’t love it enough to have a bike riding holiday! As for you who can’t ride a bike and even if you learnt probably wouldn’t enjoy, it is even more unreasonable of them. I probably would’ve still gone and see how it would pan out (like someone suggested, they’ll probably get sore arses and want a break) but the way they’re reacting is ridiculous.

36 miles on a flat trail at a leisurely pace with lots of pub and cafe stops really isn't hardcore cycling.

If you went at 6 miles an hour which is very slow for cycling it would take 6 hours plus breaks so a leisurely day out. Is it on something like an old railway line or canal towpath?

And if it's actually 18 miles there and back, rather than point to point, you don't have to go all the way to the end anyway.

I’d bet friend 2&3 will be fighting over who gets to stay back with you when it comes to the actual event.