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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
diddl · 17/06/2018 11:43

I think it might be good to try the 1:1 lesson, but not with a view to being able to cycle with them.

I love cycling-do it everyday as a means of getting fron Ato B.

But I'm in Germany with cycle paths.

The thought of cycling on roads in UK-no way!

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 17/06/2018 12:35

Friend one is a dick.

sweetboykit · 17/06/2018 13:09

Those people should read the whole thread. Me and some other posters suggested dyspraxia to you. I personally think you do have it. But that's not the point. The point is they've been selfish and changed the activities during the holiday without asking or considering you.

billybagpuss · 17/06/2018 13:18

Have you messaged them again OP? have you definitely pulled out now? I still think you should go away for a couple of days with DH and DC

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 17/06/2018 13:42

Friend 1 sounds like an utter dick. Not surprised she's a keen cyclist...

Somersetlady · 17/06/2018 14:07

OP stick to your guns can you inagine if the cycling was changed to horse riding/parachute jumping/fishing and you were expected to devote most of your holiday to it. People would all be up in arms and say how unreasonable that was!

We have a group of friends that go away and manage to accomodate everyone. Two of us dive. I waterski one has to get her hair done every second day we manage to accomodate everyone but nobody gets to dictate what the others do or dont join in on!

Friend1 sounds like a nightmare. I hope she agrees to go back tk the origiknal plan or maybe they justcycle one day of the four?

Bearfam · 17/06/2018 14:25

I think it is really unfair and selfish of your friends to suddenly change the nature of the holiday and get stroppy that you've pulled out.

I really think you can learn to cycle, especially if you can drive. But there's also little chance you will be comfortable and confident in time for the holiday.

Awrite · 17/06/2018 14:26

I've been able to cycle since I was a small child. Snowball's chance in hell I'd go on a cycling holiday.

Militant cyclists can be a selfish bunch.

I really think you deserve your money back. However, your dp's comments about your passivity mean that that boat may have sailed.

That said, your friends may have used that aspect of your personality to get what they want.

Stick to your guns.

PinkBuffalo · 17/06/2018 14:34

OP I can't cycle either. I have dyspraxia and tried to learn for years. Just can't do it.
Your friends are definitely Being unreasonable! My friends would hopefully never treat me like that. Why aren't they arranging some other activity??
Jeez, I wouldn't be able to,put up with the attitude. Can't your DP just cancel his leave? What's the big issue??

MorbidMuch · 17/06/2018 15:03

OP, my sister is dyspraxic and has never managed to learn to ride a bike, despite trying a lot. As a result, she's never wanted to try to learn to drive either.

She can, however, tie her shoelaces, write extensively, and put on make up!

Your friends are being very selfish. I can't imagine trying to force one of my friends to do something they couldn't do / were reluctant to do. Friend 1 should have compromised and suggested perhaps a half day cycle with anyone who was up for it, then stuck to the original plan of hiking / beach-going for the rest of the time.

PrimalLass · 17/06/2018 15:06

OP, I think after what Friend 1 said that you shouldn't go anyway. Is she always like that?

Motoko · 17/06/2018 15:53

So if you're going for 4 nights, that's say Monday to Friday. Spend 7 hours on Monday travelling to the place, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday spent cycling, Friday travel back home.

So the whole thing will be cycling. Pull out and get your money back.

What else can you do with the time? Do you have any friends/family you'd like to visit?

whiteroseredrose · 17/06/2018 16:21

So have you told her yet OP? Complete waste of everyone's time to go to the forest lesson. Just tell her you don't want to. As MN says.... No is a complete answer!

Original poster
Eastie77 · 17/06/2018 16:30

Friend 1's tone has softened today. She said she understood when I cancelled the forest and is sorry that I am in pain. But she still can't understand how I can give up on something after 1 lesson and cancel my entire break. I have repeated why I do not want to go so she is now talking about shortening the cycling component. The other 2 agreed so their hearts were clearly not in it! I think she feels bad and is trying now. When I suggested just finding someone else she said no, it won't be the same with another person. Although the cynic in me wonders if this is just her worrying about the driving.

Friend 2 has already said of course they won't keep the ££ I paid towards the cottage and will send it back to me. Her response to my suggestion she does the refresher driving course was to jokingly say "I will do it if you keep up with cycling lessons"

To clarify, the holiday is in the U.K. - not abroad.

I will see what the revised plan is although DP will literally blow a gasket if I now tell him he does have to take that time off. We could all go away but we already have a family break planned for end of August. I'd rather just keep the days for October half-term tbh and so avoid having to pay childcare for DD then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eastie77 · 17/06/2018 16:32

@whiteroseredrose I cancelled the forest lesson as I was in too much pain. I am also cancelling the 1-1. That is a council run lesson and I don't want to waste the instructors time and council money when he could be teaching someone who actually wants to and can learn.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 17/06/2018 17:17

Hope it all works out for you OP. I suspect the cycling element might fade away. Sounds like your other friends might not have wanted to say no to cycling friend. They might be secretly relieved!

Turquoise123 · 17/06/2018 17:27

Not sure if I have go this right ?

Your friends without checking with you changed the purpose of a holiday to cycling.

They are now complaining that you don't want to do it ?

Leaving aside the issue of whether you can or not - it's totally normal not to want to go cycling. If you have lived your life this far without cycling I reckon it's not your thing - and no reason at all why it should be.

It does rather read to me that they are using you ....are they really friends ?

duffeldaisy · 17/06/2018 17:40

You might be dyspraxic, and that's fine - but it can make cycling really tricky.

I tried for years and eventually was able - just - to ride a bike, but it was a struggle and taking my hands off the handlebars to indicate was terrifying. Then I switched to a trike (again, took me an hour to master, even with something that stable!) and it's been life-changing.

You could hire one, or get a foldup one if you can fit it in your boot with your suitcase.

Then you can enjoy the holiday, plus if you do end up buying one you can easily fit a huge amount of groceries on the back of it (or some have child seats) and get good exercise at the same time.

They're a bit heavier to pedal than most bikes, but so solid and you need no balance at all. I can't recommend them enough! I've noticed half a dozen or so of us in this area. It's much more common than it used to be, so you won't stand out.

Thespringsthething · 17/06/2018 17:49

You can just dislike cycling without a reason, though. I hate it, I wouldn't want to spend days cycling about, it's just not my thing and I feel very vulnerable on roads with lorries and other traffic coming so close. It would not be a relaxing break for me, I'd be up for walking/some activities, but if it's not your thing I don't see why you should pay good money or be guilted into a holiday which contains things that just aren't you!

BrendasUmbrella · 17/06/2018 17:56

I sympathize. It took me an agonizingly long time to learn as a kid and my parents roped in several relatives. If it hadn't been such a "thing", such a badge of my failure to be normal, I'd have given up. It did click with me eventually, but it took literally months of getting on a bike and falling off every day, and as I haven't been on one for the last 20 years I'm not sure the hassle was worth it!

Troels · 17/06/2018 18:08

I can ride a bike, and yet is someone changed my holiday to daily bike riding I'd tell them to stuff it. I don't want to ride all day everyday, not my cup of tea. Stick to your guns OP.

Matilda190 · 17/06/2018 18:09

Are you sure that they are your friends, doesn’t sound like it to me.

shiklah · 17/06/2018 18:23

I think its bizarre that a serious dedicated cyclist wants to cycle with someone who is a novice and will be exhausted and not keep up, even if you wanted to go.

billybagpuss · 17/06/2018 18:32

Honestly I must be adding things in in my head, I thought you were off to France and the cycling there is much better organised so whilst I could fully understand why you didn't want to (I wouldn't either and I can cycle) I could also understand why they thought it was safe albeit unreasonable. A nervous non-cyclist on UK roads no way!!

Hope it now turns into a break that you will be happy to go on and I also think the cycling element will disappear.

Mummyof0ne · 17/06/2018 18:37

I think your friends sound very selfish