To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

I wonder what your "friend" would say if you told her you actually can ride a bike it's just that having dc wrecked your undercarriage/gave you piles and you decided it was less embarrassing to say that you couldn't ride a bike than it was to tell everyone about your poor nethers...

Oh op your friends are not nice. Even if you could cycle - what if that's just not your idea of a holiday? I would tell them where to stick it. Something along the lines of 'maybe cycling is your idea of a holiday but it isn't mine, and I'm not going to spend three days doing something I don't enjoy just because you stomp your feet. As for the other two, I'll learn to cycle when you learn to drive'.

I've been on holidays where some of the people do not participate in the sport. I am sure you can find something else to do and then meet up later in the day ? It is not compulsory to do anything that you don't want to do or don't enjoy. If you drive you can meet them for lunch or use the car to go somewhere that you would enjoy.

Do not, under a circumstances, agree to be the 'support vehicle'. I did this for DH and his friends years ago. I was bored, cross and fed up at waiting around. If only one us a serious cyclist, then the other two are in for a shock. Almost worth going to see the agony after day one, on an unfamiliar bike, so-called flat routes and (probably) all the wrong clothing!

@Fflamingo If OP sends a written message whinge like that you could be branded as difficult , selfish forever.
I would be happy to mooch on my own much of the time on the hol and meet up later( thereby missing the bum pain and leg ache and scary passing cars).
Just have a different hol than planned. Get some good books to read, look up what to see where you are going. Go along cheerily.

She's not going on a holiday with friends then is she, as originally planned.

Oh yes, she wouldn't want to be seen as the 'difficult' one who stood up for herself instead of letting other people dictate what's happening to her!

In a car you can get faster to places, so while they take 1h to reach a given spot, you can visit a couple and show them the photos.

So a serious cyclist thinks that someone who has never been on a bike and is struggling to learn will be able to keep up and cycle along merrily with the rest of the group on roads for several days in a row in just a matter of weeks She sound deranged, to me! Unless you spend every single moment from now until the holiday learning to ride a bike, taking a road proficiency test and getting cycling fit this is impossible, even if you mastered cycling immediately! I think your friend is in for a shock when she realises that no one else is going to be able to keep up with her. You're well out of it OP.

I don't think it is a " life skill".

I can ride a bike but I choose not to. I don't enjoy it and I think it is a dangerous activity.

Wellandtrulycurbedthey booked a holiday where they would do some WALKING. Once is was booked they then decided to add in cycling. Then the OP told them she didn't cycle. There is no reason that the holiday can't revert back to the original holiday except Friend1 is insisting she now wants to go cycling?
OP, ilI would just bin them off at this stage. I don't think anyone apart from Friend1 is going to enjoy approx 5 hours riding a bike. It will be a miserable holiday.

Oh yes, she wouldn't want to be seen as the 'difficult' one who stood up for herself instead of letting other people dictate what's happening to her
Well from the way things sound in her posts I would say she is not the kind to stand up and be difficult, or at least not do it happily. There’s a risk to the friendships maybe she is happy to lose them.
I suspect that the big cycling holiday won’t happen as for some of them that’s too nackering.
She can demand they go back to the original plan,
She can attempt a compromise
She can make the most of a bad job and go along promising herself that if she doesn’t enjoy it she doesn’t go Gain.
The choice is hers

I kinda hope it rains too

Also if friend 1 is the cycler and the only driver you’d think she’d be trying to accommodate OP so she could have her holiday rather than alienate her.

Thanks for all the responses. I'm really relieved to see so many of you can ride a bike but choose not to or don't think it's much fun because I've been led to believe it will be a transformative life experience, I'll 'never look back' and will become addicted to cycling once I learn!

My bum and legs are still sore this morning as well as my c-sect scar which hasn't played up for ages:(

@wellandtruly - well I did wonder for a moment if you know Friend 1 and are channeling her on this thread! Not sure how you have reached some of your conclusions, I have not thrown a tantrum or tried to force my friends not to cycle Quite the opposite. I said they should carry on with their plans.

The only change is Friend 1 now has to do all the driving - something that can easily be remedied by Friend 2 taking refresher driving lessons. Or perhaps you think I'm being unreasonable to expect Friend 2 to master the skill of motorway driving in a short space of time and do something on the holiday she hadn't planned to do? Yep, so that would be just me who's expected to do that then.

I’m not causing a ‘drama’. The trip is 4 nights, returning on the morning of the 5th day. Friend 1 wants to cycle days 1-3 on various routes which will take hours but with lots of stops en route so it will be fun, leisurely paced rather than hard core cycling (this is her description).

I do not want to follow in the car and meet at all these stops for 3 days. I will be zooming ahead in the car and sitting waiting for them to arrive at each location on their bikes then waving them off again. WTF. That is not what I signed up for. I agreed to treks, scenic walks, the beach.

I am MORE than happy to spend time on my own but 3 days seeing my friends for breakfast and then on my own for hours...what is the point of me going on this holiday when the purpose was for the 4 of us to spend time together? I’m sure friends 2 & 3 will be sore after the first day butFriend 1 has been going on about getting some kind of saddle that will help everyone. Haven't really followed what she is talking about but suffice to say she'll be determined to get them out on the bikes each day.

I don’t want to hire a tricycle/segway/etc because it looks like hard work and I can’t see how I will manoeuvre such a cumbersome piece of apparatus down country lanes. Again, I didn't sign up for that shit.

The cottage we are staying in is relatively isolated so I cannot even follow the MN mantra and go for a spa day but why would I want to spend the day in a spa on what would hopefully be a warm Summer break.

And to the PP who mentioned I just threw Dyspraxia into the mix, this really isn’t the case. Since it affects (among other things) spatial awareness, balance and coordination and I struggle with all 3 I don’t think it is unreasonable for me to look into it.

As I understand it, the condition isn’t limited to a specific list of symptoms which is why I am annoyed with Friend 1 who asked rhetorically “do you struggle to tie up your laces, hold a pen, apply makeup...” and went on to say it’s insulting to genuine sufferers when people self diagnose. So if I can put on lipstick I am automatically disqualified

I have learnt to cycle and do every so often. But there is no way I could suddenly cycle for a few hours each day! I do not have the fitness for or from cycling regularly. It would be a shock to my muscles!

If you end up still not going away on the holiday - try and get your money back. Maybe keep the days and just go away somewhere by yourself for a day or so as it has already been arranged with how the children are looked after. You could book into a nice hotel, see other friends or family, maybe go somewhere you have always fancied as a day trip.

I have done this in London for example - when there are art exhibitions, or shows or whatever that I normally would not go to.

I realise this is separate from the original issue! They are being unkind and it is not fair on you.

Also, why shouldn't there be a compromise where (if they really have to) ONE day could be hiring bikes - and they all go off and then you meet them later at whatever destination.

It really has changed into a different type of holiday on those grounds. There are some good suggestions for messages - maybe send out a group email rather than on the group chat and just keep calmly restating your reasonable points.

I think you should change your response to say I do not wish to go on a cycling holiday and is not what I signed up for. Keep repeating. The issue is not that you cannot ride a bike.

I would tolerate one day for them to go off cycling and would see this as an obvious compromise. Are they very young?

They don't sound like good friends, I've back out and get my money back if I could.

I think Friend One has got carried away with this idea and has forgotten to listen to others. I think I’d go for a blank no and see if that gets through to her.

Friend 1 is the problem. I suspect your other 2 friends would be secretly relieved at not having to cycle everyday. Certainly after day 1! Stick to your guns about not wanting to go on a cycling holiday. At least the ardent cyclist is the one most inconvenienced by you not going. Unless she backs down, I can see the scared driver will be in her sights next.

Just keep saying no.

So, what are you going to reply? And do?

Perhaps you should consider getting a diagnosis then OP

A real one rather than a MN one on the basis of one failed cycling lesson

Did you have problems learning to drive? More pertinent than ability to put on lipstick for sure

Yanbu anyway - there’s no fun in 3 days on your own on a 4 day holiday and you would not have had time to learn anyway. I agree friend one is bvu

They are positioning this as they are trying to help me because learning to cycle will benefit me and it's ridiculous that I've given up after just 1 lesson.

Sorry to post this so far removed down the thread, but: No, learning to cycle will benefit Friend 1, and the reluctant driver. Neither cares whether it benefits you or not as long as they get their way.

the scared driver will be in her sights next - this, so watch out for the scared driver. She'll be trying to throw you under the bus (really, I should avoid transport metaphors on this thread, but it seemed apt).