To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

[Eastie77]

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

I think your friends are being very unkind here. Have you told them that you hadn't signed up for cycling holiday so the driving is now their problem?

I would cancel the holiday and cancel the friendships. They sound like inconsiderate, controlling bullies.

You are so not being unreasonable. The obvious thing is for them to just say they'll revert back to the original plan of a nice relaxing weekend away. They are being so selfish. I'm not sure I'd want to go now even if they do end up saying that. In fact I think it would colour my entire view of this "friendship"
Are you sure that you weren't invited on previous trips purely because you were a driver? Because it sure as hell doesn't look like they value you for yourself much.

And how come as 25% of the group, you weren't consulted on the change to a cycling holiday anyway?

And as an aside, if they aren't regulars on a bike then their arses will be killing after the first day so probably won't continue after that.

Exactly what I was thinking.

A few years ago, I cycled 3 miles after not having been on a bike for 20+ years. When I got off the bike, my legs were like jelly and I could barely stand. The next day, I could barely walk.

Her message is beyond the pale. I think you need to make your position very clear and stick up for yourself.

“I think it’s bizarre and insulting that you are bullying me into learning to ride a bike when I am clearly struggling. I find it even more bizarre and insulting that if by chance I do master the basics, you are then expecting me to cycle on narrow country roads, where it will not be safe for me to do so and put my life in danger from other road users. As a group, we decided upon one type of holiday and you have unilaterally turned it into something very different. I have been advised by a dyspraxic acquaintance to look into the condition. In no way did I self diagnose or state I am disabled. I’m very upset by your comment. It looks as though none of you wish to revert to the original agreed plan so I think it will be best if I do not join you on this holiday. As the holiday has changed so very much, I also think it is fair to ask for my money back.”

Tbh I could understand the two non drivers to not understand how dangerous a wobbly cyclist is on the road. But not a driver. Friend 1 is the other driver. She should get it. She also doesn’t sound very nice. You need to put her in her place. This may or may not be the end of the friendship for all of these people. But you need to stop rolling out the doormat. There will be other friends in your life.

i think leaving your friend to drive 7 hours is a bit harsh actually - you could still go and enjoy the holiday.

I don't. The holiday has changed, it's not what OP signed up for.

They think OP should learn to ride a bike before the holiday, but no-one seems to be suggesting that the friend who has a driving licence but hasn't driven for years should take a few refresher lessons so she can share the holiday.

I have been advised by a dyspraxic acquaintance to look into the condition

Or a random on the internet?

Why would you book for 3 days away with a 7 hour drive each way?

I don't really get the appeal of cycling tbh. I went for a 3 mile cycle and my arse was so sore! Plus you don't get to see the scenery in the same way as when you walk.
Also I can't fix bikes and they are always getting punctures. Not fun.
With friends like yours, who needs enemies?

It doesn't really matter if you can actually cycle or not - just say you don't want to go on a cycling holiday! I can ride a bike perfectly well and you'd have a snowball's chance in hell of getting me to go on a holiday where I'm cycling every bloody day.
They've changed the nature of the holiday, and htat's not fair. Even if you learn, you might still not want to do that activity every day!
So assuming you're all still friends, and that you want to go on the holiday, suggest that they do some cycling and the rest of the time you stick to the original plan. That seems like an absolutely fair compromise to me.

Oh my @mummyoflittledragon. You're not a drama llama at all are you

They are just badgering her into learning how to cycle so she’ll come and drive them around. That sounds fairly bullying
Even if this is what's happened, it's not bullying. These are, or were up until they decided to spend a few hours of a few days doing something the OP doesn't want to, friends. Sounds like they WANTED to include her in the bike riding. This is so not bullying though I'm sure you can all persuade the OP otherwise.
There is also no indication they need her there to drive them around. Driving arrangements to GET THERE were made and agreed on with the non drivers bearing the cost and 2 drivers to get there and back. I'd say driving once there is neither her nor there. The OP, of course, has changed plans and made it difficult for everyone else. That'll show 'em! Might not be invited again but at least they'll have learnt their lesson.

It's really quite worrying that this is what people think 'bullying' actually is.

So the friend with a driving license - you need to make it very clear to her that in a fight between a car and a bike, the bio always loses. If she feels unsafe driving on the road, ask her how she thinks you feel about cycling on one. Is she happy to put you into a position where your inexperience combined with your anxiety will put your own life at risk? It's far too dangerous for a non cycler to suddenly decide to learn and go out on the roads. You will cause an accident, or cycle into the path of a car or something else dangerous and stupid.

You cannot cycle on the road until you are confident. But she's ok with putting you in that danger? Even though she's too scared to drive a car?

WellAndTrulyCurbed
I am disabled. I get a lot of shit off people - mainly family - for what I can’t do and I should be able to because of course I’m not disabled, I, just pathetic. And of course there are only very few people at dds school who give me support because, well, I don’t have a proper illness. Thing is they’re not doctors and occupational therapists but clearly they think they know more. This is how I respond these days because I have been walked all over for years. If you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes you have no idea.

Perhaps I’m getting the tone wrong but from what is being said the friends do seem more concerned about getting there and doing what they want than op being unsafe on a bike. Even ops boyfriend has given her zero support because he’s fed up of her not sticking up for herself.

I would drive to the meetup places. Have nice walks in the area. Meander the shops/museum/cafes. Meet up with friends when they arrive. Then see them back at the ranch for meal. They might find the cycling painful, it might pee with rain, they might find it dangerous cycling. Etc any of them might end up in the car with you.

Take a scooter or some skates for yourself and join them.

If I were you I would not have any more cycling lessons. You are finding it understandably difficult and I doubt even if you succeed that you would be able to keep up and enjoy the rides. Most importantly, you do not want to go cycling. I can cycle but I wouldn't enjoy a cycling holiday. We are entitled to have that opinion. Your cycling friend has railroaded this change of holiday to suit their own interests. I suspect that the other 2 will give up quite quickly when their arses are killing them and they can't keep up with Tour de France lady. I think you either cancel and ask for money back or do what I would do: tell them you will not be cycling but are looking forward to breakfasts and dinners together. One solo day of a book and nice coffees and I reckon you will have company for the rest of the holiday!

I’d go on the holiday. I guarantee that only the keen cyclist will want to do it every day.
I liked cycling when I was young and used to bike a couple of miles down country lanes to work when I was in my twenties.
In my mid sixties I decided I wanted to cycle again as many people round here use bikes every day. I tried on a neighbour’s bike and could still ‘do it’. However, I then bought a decent quality bike and discovered that I was terrified to go beyond the cul de sac we live in! The idea of cycling in even light traffic was petrifying. The one time I set off to the shops on the bike I ended up pushing it there and back after the first few hundred yards.
I guarantee those who think they might enjoy a cycling holiday will soon change their minds.

Wow your friends are being very selfish!

Could they not compromise and have 1 afternoon if cycling and do other stuff in the other days?

How about Segway as a group ? Have you tried that before? (I haven't so don't know if it's easier or not)

It's very harsh that they are excluding you basically

I agree with @Mummyoflittledragon

“I think it’s bizarre and insulting that you are bullying me into learning to ride a bike when I am clearly struggling. I find it even more bizarre and insulting that if by chance I do master the basics, you are then expecting me to cycle on narrow country roads, where it will not be safe for me to do so and put my life in danger from other road users. As a group, we decided upon one type of holiday and you have unilaterally turned it into something very different. I have been advised by a dyspraxic acquaintance to look into the condition. In no way did I self diagnose or state I am disabled. I’m very upset by your comment. It looks as though none of you wish to revert to the original agreed plan so I think it will be best if I do not join you on this holiday. As the holiday has changed so very much, I also think it is fair to ask for my money back.”

Send that!

No, don't send that. It really ramps up the drama. Just keep in low key and factual.

This is like booking a holiday with a non-swimmer and then deciding to spend "a few days" learning to surf. It's not on imo and I think Cyclezilla is being really selfish. The plans have been changed into what she wants and now she's bellyaching about having to do all the driving? Wtaf?

If her hobby was off-road driving, would she want to spend a few days doing that and the non-drivers "just learn" to drive?

Mind you, I fully expect that they only end up cycling once because the ones who don't cycle regularly will hurt so much afterwards, they'd rather poke hot needles in their eyeballs than get on a bike again.

My DP can't swim. Maybe I should book us a surfing holiday and tell him to just learn.

If OP sends a written message whinge like that you could be branded as difficult , selfish forever.
I would be happy to mooch on my own much of the time on the hol and meet up later( thereby missing the bum pain and leg ache and scary passing cars).
Just have a different hol than planned. Get some good books to read, look up what to see where you are going. Go along cheerily.

They are crap “friends”.

Don’t go.

Hopefully it’ll rain solidly for the whole of the holiday.

yanbu and your "friends" are not nice.

I could ride a bike as a kid. tried again a couple of years ago and hated it. so gave up.get your money back and spend some time with your dh.