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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
Rollonweekend · 17/06/2018 00:32

No-ne can learn to ride a bike in a few days. You were kind to try to get a lesson in but really, as posters above have said, they've changed the holiday and it now doesn't work for you. Don't go and don't apologise or feel bad.

SusanneLinder · 17/06/2018 00:38

I can ride a bike, but a cycling holiday sounds like my idea of hell....

Shrimpi · 17/06/2018 00:44

I can't imagine changing a group holiday, after everyone had paid and arranged leave, to something that one person in the group couldn't do. Literally cannot imagine.

It would be lovely for you to learn to cycle, but even if you did/could at this stage - you still wouldn't enjoy a cycling holiday. A lot of people who are perfectly good at cycling wouldn't want to do a cycling holiday. It's not what you all signed up for.

Your "friends" are being cruel and selfish. I mean really you should expect to get your money back if they insist on changing the entire holiday to something you can't participate in.

greenlynx · 17/06/2018 01:12

To answer your question: yes, you are right to cancel this holiday ( and ask for your share of money back). These people are not real friends, their attitude towards you is disgusting.
Is cycling a life skill? No, it's a useful skill to have but you can easily go without it, by the way driving is much more important. But the ability to say "no, it doesn't work for me" is a very important life skill. You really need to develop it. Sorry if it's sound patronizing.
Someone had a really nice idea to go on holiday with your DH and DC instead.

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 17/06/2018 01:26

I feel like I'm on a different thread. Or different planet. LOL

A group holiday and 3 out of 4 want to do some cycling. Big fucking deal! Whilst I get that they are clueless as to the OPs struggle, I can't see anywhere that they are 'disgusting' 'cruel and selfish' 'changing it to a cycling holiday' So, the OP doesn't want to cycle. Does that mean noone does or is there an allowed amount?

Get a grip people Grin

By all means, the OP should cancel if she wants to but I wouldn't be expecting another invite next time.

I KNOW we've all seen threads about 'that friend'. OP is in real danger of being 'that friend'.

Motoko · 17/06/2018 01:44

The reason people are saying that about the friends is because they changed the type of holiday AFTER OP paid for her share, and they're trying to bully OP into learning to ride a bike.

It really doesn't matter if OP can ride a bike or not, she doesn't want to do cycling. So her friends should just accept that and allow her to pull out, giving back what she's paid, without bullying her.

MiddleClassProblem · 17/06/2018 01:48

Hire a horse and a mic to drop when you rock up.

Honestly, friend 1 clearly wants her cycling holiday and that’s all she cares about.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/06/2018 02:00

To those suggesting I follow the cycling group in the car...honestly I just think that will be a bit of weird!

DH, his mate, and my BFF all ride Harleys. I'm scared shitless of motorcycles and won't ride pillion. I've suggested that I follow in the car, they think that's weird, too. I don't think it's weird, I think it's getting where they're going and having fun with them when we get there.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/06/2018 02:01

Obvs car following motorcycles is different than car following bikes, though.

Farfel · 17/06/2018 02:08

I've read half the thread, here's my two cents worth:

You are imagining (and already living) the worst case scenario: they'll be gone all day cycling while you're bored on your own.

You know what'll happen? Saddle pain. They'll be drinking gin&tonics on the sofa while nursing their sore arses because they'll overdo it on the first day Smile Grin

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 17/06/2018 02:52

@WellAndTrulyCurbed The OP has said that they’ll be cycling most of the day, every day - that’s not just ‘some’ cycling. And yes they have changed it into a cycling holiday - that’s not what the OP had agreed and paid for - or does what she want not count because she’s not the ‘allowed amount’?

Why are you trying to shame the OP alluding that she’ll be ‘that friend’? Hmm So she should suck it up and be miserable and in pain on her holiday because queen bee cycling friend has changed plans for their holiday into what she wants?

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 17/06/2018 02:53

The reason people are saying that about the friends is because they changed the type of holiday AFTER OP paid for her share, and they're trying to bully OP into learning to ride a bike
But how have they 'changed the type of holiday' if they've simply decided to cycle for a few days (which realistically may be one or two)? I went on a friends holiday a couple of years ago where the other 2 went scuba diving twice. I could have thrown a tantrum and cancelled but I didn't. I acknowledged that we don't have to do all the same things and enjoyed my time sipping wine and reading a book or 2. The evenings were where the real fun was had anyway Grin I certainly wasn't going to tell my friends they could NOT do something they really, really wanted to do because I didn't want to. Would hate to be that kind of person.

It really doesn't matter if OP can ride a bike or not, she doesn't want to do cycling. So her friends should just accept that and allow her to pull out, giving back what she's paid, without bullying her
Or, they simply did not know OP couldn't ride a bike and did everything they could to 'help' her learn assuming that she wanted to. Yes, they should have listened but they clearly wanted her to join in. Better than the alternative. And I'd be mighty pissed if I booked a holiday and one party inconvenienced the others because she didn't want to do something everyone else did. AFTER we'd all paid our money and arranged the transport.

The OP should absolutely cancel if that's what she wants to do but should not expect to be invited again. Hell, if the friends are looking for a 4th, I don't cycle but I'm happy to share the driving for a relaxing time at the beach.

hadenough · 17/06/2018 03:02

I completely sympathise - YANBU.

I can't ride a bike, and accept it.

On a few occasions people have tried to help me, and it ends in disaster. Tbh, I have no desire to learn either, emphasised this week when a cyclist riding illegally on the pavement told me to 'fuck off' when I didn't hear him to get out of the way.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 17/06/2018 03:05

@WellandTrulyCurbed You really just don’t want to see it from the OPs perspective do you? If anyone should be pissed it’s her after they changed the nature of the 3 day holiday into a cycling one despite her saying that she can’t cycle - real friends wouldn’t do that to a friend.

SD1978 · 17/06/2018 03:08

They’ve suddenly decided is a cycling holiday. Even if you do suddenly learn to ride a bike- would you have wanted to do so everyday? I bloody hate cycling. I’ll do it grudgingly, but would much rather walk or drive somewhere in a car. They are being utterly unreasonable to change the holiday, expect you to learn a new skill youve been perfectly happy without your entire life, and get shitty when you do t. If sitting alone every day reading and relaxing whilst they take off in a plethora of Lycra for the day interests you, then I’d say still go. But if you thing (as I do) that it would therefore end up a bit them and you, and you don’t fancy that, then stuff em. You didn’t change the holiday, and you should t be expected to juts fall in with the new one.

GetInMaBelleh · 17/06/2018 03:24

Your friends suck. At this point they are just trying to use you against your wishes to drive them on holiday.

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 17/06/2018 03:42

@WellandTrulyCurbed You really just don’t want to see it from the OPs perspective do you? If anyone should be pissed it’s her after they changed the nature of the 3 day holiday into a cycling one despite her saying that she can’t cycle - real friends wouldn’t do that to a friend

But it's NOT a 3 day holiday. OP doesn't want to spend "3 days of a holiday" on her own while her friends cycle. So, no, I don't think they've changed the 'nature' of the holiday at all. Unless it's a 4 day holiday which I'm sure it suddenly will be Hmm I know she said they were going to cycle "almost every day" but really, are they?

I also said that the length of the holiday would affect my answer but, considering that they plan to cycle a 'few days' it is WAY more realistic that they'll do one or two so unless it is a 3 or 4 day-er (and, like I said, I'm sure it will now.lol) , it probably doesn't.

So yeah, she's said she can't do it, they've tried to include her and now everyone else is inconvenienced. I also think the OP has done the right thing bowing out if she couldn't enjoy the just 'being away' and the peace and quiet. So apart from the "AIBU to be upset at my friends Facebook posts" thread I'm sure will follow, it's all a bit of a non issue.

woollyheart · 17/06/2018 03:59

**WellAndTrulyCurbed - are you Friend1?

kiwigeekmum · 17/06/2018 05:04

Your friends sound like jerks, tbh.

If I was planning a fun getaway with friends but there was an activity that one in the group couldn’t do, then I would forget that activity & plan something else, or, with friend’s permission limit that activity to a shorter time & enjoy as much time together as possible. I certainly wouldn’t INCREASE that activity & then act surprised when said friend no-longer wanted to come.

Even if you did learn to cycle, it’s doubtful that you’d be competent or comfortable enough to spend several hours a day cycling on public roads & country lanes. And not everyone would want to!! I can ride a bike confidently but it’s not something I would choose for a holiday. Your friends ABVU.

PERSONALLY, I think you still have a good chance of having a nice holiday regardless. You could either drive yourself to the points of interest, or just rest & relax while they’re out cycling (the introvert in me would love that). Plus, as pp have said, your friends will probably get a sore rear after the first day & that will be the end of the cycling.

But you’re still not unreasonable to just cancel if you want to.

Slanetylor · 17/06/2018 05:12

If they booked a fancy meal at a steakhouse that didn’t cater to vegetarians and one of the group was a vegetarian it would be the same thing.
Mean and bullying.

UrsulaPandress · 17/06/2018 05:33

Are they planning on hiring bikes?

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 17/06/2018 05:36

WellAndTrulyCurbed - are you Friend1?

hahaha. I would honestly like to say yes because I think friend 1 has gotten a bad rap. But no Grin

If they booked a fancy meal at a steakhouse that didn’t cater to vegetarians and one of the group was a vegetarian it would be the same thing. Mean and bullying
It would be very mean if THEY KNEW BEFOREHAND. Not the same thing but still, it's only mean if they knew and booked anyway.
Bullying, No. What's with everything being labelled as bullying btw?

Sweetpea55 · 17/06/2018 05:41

OP I cant ride a bike either,i had a few goes when i was younger but im 63 now and i dont think i ever will.
Your friends are bullying you a bit arent they? And how shitty to think that 'everyone can ride' Thats sort of generlisation wazzes me off.
Im hurt for you,,

Its a balance think,,maybe Ill try a three wheeler...

Ilovetolurk · 17/06/2018 05:45

I agree that if you did learn to cycle you would probably not enjoy it or feel safe on the roads if your holiday is quite soon. So I would say no to the cycling. You shouldn’t have to learn just for this

If the cycling is just 3 days (out of a week? You don’t say) and a few hours in the day (there is a discrepancy between what you say and what friend suggests) I’d still go. Can you clarify with them?

I do think yabu throwing the potential for dyspraxia out there and I can see why it has exasperated your friend. Was there any suggestion of this when you learned to drive? Otherwise it reads like a classic mumsnet armchair diagnosis situation to me. I’ll just wait for the pile on now

Slanetylor · 17/06/2018 05:53

the OP said she didn’t cycle immediately when cycling was suggested.
Therefore mean.
But they didn’t take her view or wishes into account. They are just badgering her into learning how to cycle so she’ll come and drive them around. That sounds fairly bullying.