Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my holiday since I can’t master this ‘life skill’

647 replies

Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 16:14

I was due to go on a break with a group of 3 friends in the Summer. Original plan was to stay in a cottage as we have done previously, enjoy walks, the beach and so on. After everything was booked my friends decided to incorporate a few days bike riding into the holiday. This was when I had to admit that I can’t ride a bike which was met with disbelief (you must mean you’re just a bit rusty, everyone can ride etc) and then I was told to take lessons and I’d learn in a few hours. I actually posted on MN for advice as I don’t know anyone who has learned as an adult.

Anyway, I had the lesson and it went as badly as I expected since my sense of balance is appalling. I have difficulty with co-ordination generally and I was the only person in the entire class who was unable to cycle by the end of the lesson. Everyone else was a complete beginner like me. The teacher was lovely and suggested a 1-1 lesson next week which I might go to but honestly I know deep down that I won’t get the hang of this. So I’ve told my friends I’m not going on the holiday because they now plan to cycle almost every day of the break.

I have not asked for my share of the money back as it’s my choice not to go but I have suggested that we try to find a replacement for me amongour wider group of friends if possible. The ‘problem’ is I have pissed off the group as a) I am being defeatist and b) I was one of the 2 designated drivers and now there is only 1 who will have to drive 7 hours each way. I get why she is annoyed but the irony is my other 2 friends are having a go at me for not persisting with the bloody cycling lessons when neither of them can drive (1 has a license but hasn’t driven since she passed and definitely can’t drive on the motorway) and so should understand that some of us just haven’t mastered certain skills. DP booked time of to stay with our DC and when I told him to cancel he rolled his eyes and said I’m really hard work. Really? AIBU to not want to spend 3 days of a holiday sitting on my own for hours while my friends go off and have fun?!

OP posts:
RideSallyRide76 · 16/06/2018 22:47

Your friends sound selfish tbh, why can't they compromise instead of trying to force you to do things their way. I'd still go along though and just meet them at their destination.

I'm in exactly the same boat as you btw, I can't ride a bike as I just can't find my balance. Tell me honestly Mumsnetters, if you saw an adult riding a tricycle what would you think of them? I'm seriously considering getting one but am worried about looking like a giant toddler!! Grin

Graphista · 16/06/2018 22:47

Based on your update at 2145 I'd bin them off as "friends" altogether! Disablist twats! And get your money back! THEY changed the holiday WITHOUT even consulting you let alone your consent, when you've got your money - tell em to Get tae fuck!

Then either take the time for a break with hubby or a TRUE friend.

Sounds like very much a mean girls situation F1 a bully and F2 & 3 spineless enough to go along with bullying you - if you don't go I can very easily see all the other 'friendships' imploding too when the 2 non cyclists are knackered after day 1 of cycling and F1 spits the dummy! Knackered sore people are less easy to manipulate!

Q - are the non-driver with a license and the keen cyclist the same person?

Purely coincidental I happen to know someone who parked on a quayside and...drove into it! Not their driving skills saved their life that day!

Ellendegeneres · 16/06/2018 22:48

I too like itscurtains text.

These people clearly aren’t the friends you thought they were. Absolute pricks. I’d be telling them to shove it up their arses.

CaparaAlecha · 16/06/2018 22:48

I ride a 3 wheeler cargo bike with my dc (in box in front). I can ride a bike but don't have great balance and i feel safer than if i have one of the dc on the child seat of a 2 wheeler.

I suggested electric because they tend to be heavier and more work.

It is true that they can tip over, especially on curves. I don't go as fast on the 3 wheeler as i do on 2 but i feel safe and in control (important as i have dc inside!) at 10-12 mph which is a decent speed (maybe not for friend 1...). Yes, you have to take corners much more slowly and it takes a little getting used to but it's not a balance issue (for you)

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 16/06/2018 22:50

I can't ride a bike either.

There's nothing fun about being made to do something you don't want to on holiday. I say this as someone that was forced to learn how to ski on family holidays and hated every second, until they finally stopped making me and the holidays stopped being something to dread and became an actual holiday/break.

YANBU to just say no. No compromising, just no.

TheBigFatMermaid · 16/06/2018 23:00

Why don't you go along, take a book for day 1 of cycling, then enjoy the company, whilst giving sympathy to, of the not regular cyclers, for the rest of the time?

Original poster
Eastie77 · 16/06/2018 23:02

Friend 1 is the serious cyclist and the driver so were going the share the driving. She is the one who thinks I am insulting people with Dyspraxia. The other 2 haven't said anything about it, just that it's a shame I'm giving up.
Friend 2 has a driving licence but hasn't really driven since passing her test. Doesn't feel ready or able to drive on the motorway.
Friend 3 has never sat behind the wheel of a car.

OP posts:
Furx · 16/06/2018 23:03

I also think the friends are going to be in for a shock

Im a massively keen cyclist, i commute on one and ride for fun, road an mountain bikes, but every time I’ve hired a bike I’ve ended up achey as fuck and only able to do a fraction of my usual mileage. None of them are quite my bike iyswim and it puts a slightly different strain on muscles.

I try to avoid hiring bikes now.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 16/06/2018 23:05

These people really don’t sound like friends. They sound like a bunch of bitchy women who are treating you as someone they can bully. Why would you want to go on holiday with people who are so disrespectful and nasty to you?

You deserve so much better.

TheAntiBoop · 16/06/2018 23:05

I'm very good at cycling but id be telling them to get to fuck if they tried to hijack my holiday for their hobbies

You're being far too nice about it!

HermioneKipper · 16/06/2018 23:06

Just jumping in late to say you’re definitely not being unreasonable at all. Your friends sound very selfish and mean. A relaxing break with friends suddenly changing to a cycling holiday would be my idea of hell. I’d be tempted to tell them all to stuff it, demand my money back and tell them to enjoy driving themselves and getting painful thighs on their holiday.

Furx · 16/06/2018 23:07

And following you update there, I’d say she has a choice then.

Share the driving and some occasional cycling or make it a cycling holiday and do all the driving.

I’d be annoyed as fuck in your position, Friend 2 is being a bloody fanny about driving, Friend 1 is being a wuss if she can’t drive 7 hours with breaks (totally doable). They are both refusing to do things they can already do and instead insist you learn a totally new and tricky skill in a short time.

Fuck that shit.

Homebird8 · 16/06/2018 23:08

Surely if the reason for cycling at all is to see the local villages and the sights then you could all go in a car to see them. There aren’t many places accessible by novice or occasional cyclists that aren’t accessible by car.

Perhaps Friend 1 could cycle and meet you all at the places if you drive Friends 2 and 3 there?

Japanquery · 16/06/2018 23:10

OP, have you considered having a conversation with Friend 2 and/or Friend 3 to explain how you feel and sound them out on the whole cycling thing without "Friend" 1 leaping in to tell everyone how unreasonable you are being?

DragonMummy1418 · 16/06/2018 23:13

My grandma couldn't ever ride a bike, I remember her at about 60 falling sideways into a bush trying to ride one! 🙈
She did have a 3 wheel trike which was SO MUCH FUN! You will probably enjoy it, it's not like regular cycling - have a try beforehand 😁

Shadow666 · 16/06/2018 23:15

If you don’t want to do it then that is absolutely your right. Just say no thanks and why don’t we skip the cycling and you guys can organize another cycling holiday another time.

Lweji · 16/06/2018 23:16

Some random bloke in Germany swam to work´

Was he a James von Bond? Swimming in his wet suit, then taking it off to reveal his perfectly pressed work suit?

BewareOfDragons · 16/06/2018 23:20

Your friends are jerks.

As for insulting 'true' sufferers of dyspraxia by looking into the condition as potentially something you are suffering from yourself, bollocks. Many, many diagnosis of all kinds of things occur because people look into them when they recognize symptoms in themselves! It's not insulting; it's sensible!

billybagpuss · 16/06/2018 23:21

Some random bloke in Germany swam to work´

Was he a James von Bond? Swimming in his wet suit, then taking it off to reveal his perfectly pressed work suit?

www.bbc.com/capital/story/20170724-the-man-who-swims-to-work

Its the commute home that interests me, when its upstream

haggisaggis · 16/06/2018 23:25

Should you ever want to give cycling ago, I recommend getting a shot on a recumbent trike. That is really fun (and comfortable). DH loves cycling but I don’t. The trike gets us out together. In this instance though your friends are beyond unreasonable.

cdtaylornats · 16/06/2018 23:33

How about a tricycle

Lweji · 16/06/2018 23:37

The German guy, if he can swim 2km, surely he could also, ahem, walk instead of using a car. But I digress.

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 16/06/2018 23:51

I couldn't see how long the holiday is for? That makes all the difference to me.
A 'few days' of cycling on a week or mores break honestly doesn't seem like a big deal to me. They've done everything they can to include you so you know they are not actively trying to cut you out. They don't 'get it', sure but I don't think you've covered yourself in glory either.
A 'few days' of peace and quiet and ALONE time in a lovely setting sounds like bliss to me, especially knowing that the evenings would be spent laughing with friends. It's a shame you made it into something else. TBH, you do kinda sound like hard work.

Graphista · 17/06/2018 00:09

So the SAME friend

Has changed the holiday to mainly include HER hobby

Is trying to GUILT TRIP you because SHE doesn't want to do all the driving

Has DISMISSED your potentially having a DISABILITY and tried to shame you for saying so

Is trying to BULLY you into learning to cycle.

I'd lay odds she's been giving the other 2 especially friend with license but wont drive grief too!

WHAT A BITCH!!!

Any possibility of excluding her? (Only half joking).

Bytheseabythesea · 17/06/2018 00:10

I just can't imagine expecting an adult friend (who has a DH and DC and therefore presumably a fairly busy life) to learn to ride a bike, from scratch, to a level where they can go on roads for several hours, in time for a summer holiday this year. Sounds like railroading from friend one and the others being spineless. Predict they will all fall out on the holiday and friends two and three will come crawling back to you (perhaps literally) with apologies