How the fuck am I STILL not pregnant????

[Goinginsane000]

Sorry, I appreciate that this isn’t an AIBU but I am at breaking point and hoping there’s more traffic here.

I have been TTC for 3 years. I was referred for NHS fertility treatment 2 years ago. Tests showed I have PCOS, as suspected. Put on Clomid, had a chemical preg after 3 months. Ovulated probably 10 times out of 12 cycles if I remember correctly. No further BFP for another year. 13 months ago I had a laparoscopy with ovarian drilling. Worked wonders, had a natural period for the first time ever (without needing drugs to bring one on). Continued on Clomid and ovulated every single month without fail. Got pg 6 months later but miscarried at 7 weeks. Was then put on Letrozole. I have ovulated on every one of the 6 cycles I’ve been on this but no fucking BFP. Due to the miscarriage, I had to wait another year for my IVF referral because you need to have not had a pregnancy in the past 12 months.

There must be something else at play, surely???? How can this be happening? Does anyone have any insight or personal experience of a similar history??

For what it’s worth, I am 30. Size 10, have eaten a mainly carb and sugar free diet for 3 years. I don’t smoke or drink much (because I am constantly “possibly pregnant”). I exercise regularly and can run 6 miles in just under 40 mins with zero effort. I take very good care of myself.

Seriously, WTAF!

Correlation does not equal causation.

For fucks sake. This thread is infertility bingo tastic.

Many of the posts on here are just anecdotes. Not evidence. Anecdotes. Many of the tales of people doing x, y, z and then just getting pregnant naturally are nice stories, but they’re coincidence and don’t give any evidence that x, y or z are effective.

There is some evidence that when you stop 'trying' it can happen. I know several couples who had IVF and all kinds of treatment , unsuccessfully. For some, they got pregnant once they were going down the adoption route, having given up all hope of a baby.

Again an anecdote. This does not happen for most people. The ones who have ivf and “all kinds of treatment” are unsuccessful, stop and don’t get pregnant, don’t tend to broadcast their stories so people hear a very unbalanced view on how often this actually happens.

OP, sorry you’re going through this crap. I’d also suggest you post in the infertility section where you’re likely to get more responses from people who actually know what they’re talking about.

Op have you tried metformin? May work as doesnt correct / force ovulation just redresses insulin inbalance which then rectifies the problem, worked for me anyway op. Fingers crossed for you

@EarlGreyT - there's nothing wrong with anecdotal evidence - yes some people cannot get pregnant and need medical Intervention, others a slight lifestyle change can help

My miscarriage consultant obstetrician put me on HCG injections with two pregnancies I had, one failed at 11 weeks (perfect before then, weekly scans ...) the other one is now 6. She told me some of her colleagues would never use this method but she's found it works for some .... she also told me to try to lose a little weight (very tactfully) .... equally told me She'd have told me to put a bit on if I was very thin.
It's not an exact science - different things work for different people

HCG injections have a well established medical evidence base for why they are often used, because it stimulates additional natural progesterone production

Most infertility treatment is to some degree based on empirical evidence, because of the lack of RCT for many aspects of infertility medicine

That's not the same as there being evidence for stopping trying as a magic fertility cure

If people actually bothered to read the OP she's already said she's on metformin, that she's using fertility lube, that she takes all the right vitamins

Lots of unexplained fertility is undiagnosed rather than unexplained, because the NHS is very limited in the investigations it will do. They won't do thrombophilia or karotyping tests unless you've had 3 successive losses of clinical pregnancies. They won't do the uterine nk cells tests at all. They won't check Doppler uterine artery blood flow. They won't check for cytokines or elevated TNF-alpha. They won't check for sperm DNA fragmentation or anti sperm antibodies

Actually getting the right diagnostics is far more likely to lead to a successful result than telling the OP to stop stressing. When most clinicians say the effect of that is to stress women out by telling them they're somehow at fault for not getting pregnant because they're not sufficiently relaxed

What I notice with the stories about miracle pregnancies after unsuccessful IVF (or when a couple simply stopped trying to conceive) is that it’s always a friend or a relative or from a study years back. It’s hardly ever from the horses mouth; whether that’s because there’s more to the story (new drug regime, interventions such as laparoscopies) or because the parents have built so much empathy with others in the same situation that they recognise it was a miracle and wouldn’t come out with unhelpful, hurtful platitudes...

Some people have conceived after they made a concerted effort to relax (holiday, yoga, stop “trying”

I am amused by the idea of making a concerted effort to relax

Look, again, no one started out stressing. They didnt' get pregnant because they had fertility issues, so THEN they started stressing. If relaxing was enough they'd have been pregnant the first time, before the ovulation sticks and the knees behind the head and the "oh god just get it over with I'm ovulating" sex.

The reason is works when people stop trying is you haven't actually "stopped" trying. You;re still having unprotected sex. You're still aware you can get pregnant, you don't forget! We know egg and sperm work. It works because eventually most people will go one to have babies. Most women will go on to get pregnant if they continue to have sex. That's why it works. Your feelings on having sex and procreation have got fuck all to do with it.

If you want to make a point of it please consider the fact that a survey in America shows 30,000 women get pregnant through rape a year. I'm pretty sure none of those women were just relaxing.

And the evidence is that some women will eventually fall pregnant over a 6 year period, regardless of having had fertility treatment or not.

One in three women will have children naturally after IVF failure

Regardless of the outcome of fertility treatments – whether the patients conceived or not – there is about a 30 per cent likelihood of conceiving over a six-year period,” said lead author Dr Samuel Marcus, consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist at, Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Woolwich, London.

1 in 3. That's 2 in 3 who don't.

And it doesn't mean that it happened because they stopped trying. It doesn't mean it happened because they relaxed. It means that statistically some women will get there eventually with time.

These women might have got new cars during the year before they got pregnant. Doesn't mean that getting a new car will help you conceive! Correlation doesn't equal causation.

The best chance of trying to avoid being in the 2 in 3 who don't is to pursue diagnostics to identify if there's a treatable problem. Not every problem can be fixed. But if the issue is something that prednisolone or clexane could solve, that the NHS won't offer because they don't do the tests, then finding out sooner rather than later is likely to help.

‘Just relax’ is probably the shittiest thing you can say to someone who is trying to conceive. Closely followed by any comment about ‘all your lovely holidays’.

Op it sounds like you are doing everything you can. Unexplained infertility is more common than you think unfortunately. My husband and I were extremely fortunate to conceive on our first round of IVF after three unsuccessful rounds of IUI and now have a one year old son. Absolute rollercoaster though emotionally and physically.

All the "infertility bingo" references are rather unfair, the op has posted on Aibu and people are just trying to be helpful.

I understand that unsubstantiated theories would be unwelcome on the infertility boards, but you can't expect experts on a general board.

Totally agree that people just tell the anecdotes of the 'good' stories and that makes people think they're much more common. Had two miscarriages when trying very hard (opks, timed intercourse, fertility lube, etc.). Decided to have a break. Fell pregnant on what was supposed to be non-fertile day. Pregnancy went on a couple of weeks longer than last two. Thought I was one of those 'stopped trying and it happened' people, and if the pregnancy had got to the point I was telling people maybe I would have told that as my story (I hope not, I'm not usually a dick). Miscarried that one too. Have told nobody that story in real life, because it's not exactly a classic for the ages is it? But if it had gone the other way and I'd told people friends of friends would probably have been using it to 'prove' to other women with recurrent miscarriage that it's their own fault for caring too much whether or not they have a baby.

*All the "infertility bingo" references are rather unfair, the op has posted on Aibu and people are just trying to be helpful.

I understand that unsubstantiated theories would be unwelcome on the infertility boards, but you can't expect experts on a general board.*

Yes, but it's incredibly tone deaf to keep on doing it when numerous people have said how unhelpful/upsetting etc. it is. Listen to what people are saying. Listen to what people who have experienced infertility are saying. After a while, it's clear some people just like the sound of their own voices (or look of their own type...) rather than actually trying to provide anything helpful. If people really want to help, then you listen to what people are telling you and learn from it.

What were your scores ovulation wise? Day 21 progerone test wise? What results were you told?

The thing is that infertility for many people doesn't mean that it's impossible to get pregnant, simply that the chances are much lower than for most people. So you go for many, many months where nothing happens.

But most people who know they have fertility issues yet want a baby don't then start using contraception just because they have turned their focus away from TTC. So effectively they end up "trying" for years, and for some of them, eventually, the odds will turn out just right, and they'll get pregnant despite it only being a small chance. If you repeat a small chance enough, eventually it happens. It would be nice to think that it was the relaxing or the holiday or the adoption or whatever it is which caused it - in reality, it was probably just time, and luck.

Oh also she knew I was a scientist and we had spoken about placebo effects .... again - anecdotal but hey, she's only an expert

DH and I had IVF for unexplained infertility so slightly different situation but what helped me was acupuncture from a lovely lady who specialises in fertility issues. Might have been placebo effect, might just have helped me get through the IVF and not lose my mind but whatever it was it helped. I really hope it works out for you. Oh and the nurse at the clinic assumed I would be having a final glass of wine the day before embryo transfer so they were pretty relaxed even if I wasn’t....

Good gracious I hope some of the posters on here don't teach sex ed........

Sorry it's so tough for you op

I have pcos, I've heard all the above ridiculous stories and then some. Try to ignore. For 15 yrs we did the chlomid, ivf, and a million other treatments and old wives tales. 17yrs after saying "shall we have a baby" I finally fell pregnant - twice. I don't question the how's and why's I'm just grateful it happened.

For what it's worth I agree to a point about relaxation and being kind to yourself. Not because it will help you get pregnant, but because it will help your sanity on a tough journey.

@Marley45
And all the lovely lie ins you can have. Also one of the cliched shittest things said to people with infertility. Because yes sure, I’d write off the idea of having a baby just to continue with weekend lie ins.

And don't forget, the grass is always greener on the other side. No barren could ever possibly understand how hard it is to be a parent. They'd stick with their fancy holidays and easy lives if they did...

All the "infertility bingo" references are rather unfair, the op has posted on Aibu and people are just trying to be helpful.

There have been posts on AIBU about unhelpful things to say to people with infertility ad infinitum, but still the same old chiches are still being trotted out. Maybe people should read and absorb what actual people with infertility have said are unhelpful platitudes before just trotting out the same old crap again and again.

The anecdotes are unhelpful. There’s absolutely no evidence for any effect of most of the suggestions given on this thread. Rather than giving shitty unhelpful platitudes which everyone with infertility has already heard about a million times, maybe people should acknowledge the OP is having a crap time and showing some empathy. I’m pretty sure that if the OPs fertility specialists haven’t managed to resolve her infertility, the posters on this thread aren’t going to magically have a solution.

The miracle of post-adoption pregnancy. How dreamy. Given how stressful the adoption process is, I would be interested to learn how these extremely stressed women are able to achieve this. eye roll

It’s just incredibly fucking insulting to suggest to anyone who has been trying to conceive for years that it is their mindset that’s the problem. Why can’t some people see this?

OP, if you’re still reading this, I’d def suggest getting tested privately for immune/NK cells. After multiple attempts at ICSI (double figures) - including miscarriages - I finally managed to stay pg after I consulted a (ridiculously expensive) top immunology expert in London. His treatments hurt like buggery (LIT) and I also had steroids, IVIG, intralipids etc etc in tandem with ICSI. You name it, I had it.

It’s bloody expensive and IVF is not a panacea. It’s a lottery. My SIL got go on her 1st attempt. Some never manage it. It took me 7 years to have DS. I’d say it’s absolutely worth trying though if you can, and I would investigate immunes for sure. Good luck.

Tips - if stress levels are what's stopping us from from getting pregnant, it's amazing that IVF ever works at all, given it's such an incredibly stressful experience

Gave up my job after 2nd mc with IVF. Def less stress. Still didn’t work. Neither did the relaxing/acupuncture/pineapple (has that been mentioned here yet?)/milk etc etc. All of which I tried because I was desperate - except the milk. Which I hate. Had mini milks instead which prob explains why it didn’t work.