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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How the fuck am I STILL not pregnant????

317 replies

Goinginsane000 · 16/06/2018 14:26

Sorry, I appreciate that this isn’t an AIBU but I am at breaking point and hoping there’s more traffic here.

I have been TTC for 3 years. I was referred for NHS fertility treatment 2 years ago. Tests showed I have PCOS, as suspected. Put on Clomid, had a chemical preg after 3 months. Ovulated probably 10 times out of 12 cycles if I remember correctly. No further BFP for another year. 13 months ago I had a laparoscopy with ovarian drilling. Worked wonders, had a natural period for the first time ever (without needing drugs to bring one on). Continued on Clomid and ovulated every single month without fail. Got pg 6 months later but miscarried at 7 weeks. Was then put on Letrozole. I have ovulated on every one of the 6 cycles I’ve been on this but no fucking BFP. Due to the miscarriage, I had to wait another year for my IVF referral because you need to have not had a pregnancy in the past 12 months.

There must be something else at play, surely???? How can this be happening? Does anyone have any insight or personal experience of a similar history??

For what it’s worth, I am 30. Size 10, have eaten a mainly carb and sugar free diet for 3 years. I don’t smoke or drink much (because I am constantly “possibly pregnant”). I exercise regularly and can run 6 miles in just under 40 mins with zero effort. I take very good care of myself.

Seriously, WTAF!

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 16/06/2018 18:37

I think you are not eating enough. If I ate your diet I would lose weight fairly quickly. I know you need to be careful with PCOS, but I think you need more calories. Other than that, you are still really young, time is on your side. Everyone I know with fertility issues got there in the end.

Caribbeanyesplease · 16/06/2018 18:37

Banana
Chill!
We went off topic a bit. Not really focusing on the OP, more about the wider issue of weight and conception.

I’ll duck out now

placemats · 16/06/2018 18:38

Clomid is shit to go on. I had to stop it after a couple of weeks.

I can't believe it's still being prescribed as a solution.

My partner had a tooth abscess and was put on antibiotics. Not only did it sort out his tooth but it cleared up his spots and also coincidentally resulted in a full term pregnancy.

Frazzled2207 · 16/06/2018 18:38

No advice but I'be been in a similar situation and it was rubbish. Eventually had dc1 and was extremely surprised and blessed to get pregnant with dc2 not long after having dtd precisely once. So things can turn around.

Probably a bit "woo" and possibly completely coincidental but just before getting pregnant the first time I had a reflexology session with a reflexologist specialising in fertility. You're supposed to have it done just before ovulating. It might be worth a try just because not very expensive and also very pleasant whether it helps or not.

JobQuery · 16/06/2018 18:43

RE: relaxing.

Everyone relaxes during sex... you stop relaxing when you've had months/ years of it not working for its intended purpose. People rarely start out stressing, it's actually fun at first...

Loandbeholdagain · 16/06/2018 18:44

I was similar and I got pregnant after these changes (not sure if they will help but just in case!)

  • Taking low dose aspirin
  • progesterone from mid cycle
  • Conceived much later in cycle than expected (I think day 28 of 33 day cycle)
Treacletoots · 16/06/2018 18:44

My initial thoughts are can you afford private IVF? The treatment you'll get from a NHS referral in any event is very limited and will not offer you the chance to go for tests to see if there is anything else at play. For example you can test for killer cells which can cause miscarriage. It's a gene called C4M2. Google it, and see if it's an option? There's a lot on offer from private IVF that could really help you, such as time lapsed imaging, genetic testing but I appreciate it's expensive.

You can get finance packages that are based on a no success, refund option too if that helps?

Treacletoots · 16/06/2018 18:46

Forgot to say. Stress... Sadly has not been found to be conclusive as an issue to inhibit conception i recent controlled tests at Queen's Medical Centre :(

Loandbeholdagain · 16/06/2018 18:46

PS I agree about weight. I had low body fat and got pregnant after gaining some fat (not overweight level just not so lean). I think fat cells produce estrogen so makes sense they are related to fertility. I was exercising a lot. So it isn't necessarily about not eating enough.

LeighaJ · 16/06/2018 18:49

Crabbitstick

"My sister wasn't getting pregnant (for a year - no fertility issues) because she was going straight to loo after sex."

With the exception of certain medical conditions...women don't urinate out of their vaginas. There's a reason as someone else pointed out that peeing after sex isn't listed as a valid way to prevent pregnancy.

Belle1616 · 16/06/2018 18:59

Will add my pcos story...

I tried clomid, ovulated nothing worked... did a few cycles and hated it... then I did the injections again they worked but nothing happened.. I tried cutting out caffeine, alcohol, doing less exercise and putting in weight- in a kickboxer and train 6 times a week and am fairly lean... next step
Was Ivf but I had enough and wanted a break.

I started taking inositol ( not sure if mentioned before but research it- does wonders for pcos) and omega 3s... started back training more and lost weight as had a fight coming up, and I got pregnant on my own...
I honestly think it was the supplements..

Good luck x

Goinginsane000 · 16/06/2018 19:01

Just caught up on the thread.

Thanks so much to everyone who has contributed. I’ve been jotting down some notes as I go along.

I’ve had the dye test which revealed that they were clear. I’ve been on Metformin for the duration of my treatment. I’ve got a slightly under active thyroid and am on a low dose of thyroxine. My BMI is just under 20. Don’t weigh myself so don’t know how much I weigh but roughly 10st5ish. I too am 5ft 7in. Hardly emaciated.

Banana - unbelievable advice. Thank you. I am going to make some enquiries at the Coventry Clinic.

I could self fund but to be honest I have buried my head in the sand for so long blindly being “positive” that I’ve only really started to feel like this is all a waste of time.

OP posts:
UnaOfStormhold · 16/06/2018 19:03

I don't know if you've come across it but I'd recommend a book called Fertile Thinking by Anya Sizer. The title annoys me because it sounds woo, but in fact it's a practical guide with lots of thought exercises and coaching techniques to help you manage the way infertility makes you feel. It makes no claims about helping you get pregnant but just to help you stay yourself and in as calm a state as possible while you try. I definitely found it made me feel better mentally and more able to put up with the stress of treatment and the sheer frustration of unexplained infertility. Flowers

fruitandbarley · 16/06/2018 19:04

Sorry if someone's already suggested, putting dd to bed and no time to read whole thread, but have you had you thyroid tested. If not ask doc to check that.

yogaginrepeat · 16/06/2018 19:09

Ignore the "just relax" comments - they're infuriating when you're battling infertility. No amount of sunny holidays ever helped me, it's ridiculous and insulting to keep having it said to you.

DH and I tried naturally for years, both young, fit and healthy. When it wasn't happening we had every test under the sun done - still nothing. Eventually conceived via IVF. The bracket of "unexplained infertility" is a heartbreaking one as with no diagnosis there's nothing to treat. Even now, 10 years after first trying, I still get my hopes up with every late period but it's obviously not going to happen Sad.

I would look into the best fertility clinic you can afford and take it from there. Lots of luck Thanks

yogaginrepeat · 16/06/2018 19:13

Oh god it gets worse. I've just read some more of the posts and in addition to relaxing you've also been told to put your legs in the air after sex and not use the loo. With all this marvellous advice it's a fucking wonder infertility still exists at all.

BertieBotts · 16/06/2018 19:14

I'm not saying that it's only about ovulation. Unfortunately, I do understand a bit about the causes of infertility, having been through it myself.

There are lots of steps to getting pregnant. First you have to actually ovulate. There are various things which can prevent ovulation - being underweight being one of these, PCOS being another, for example. You can rule out non-ovulation by having certain tests. As mentioned before, OPKs are unreliable, temping is better, but can be unreliable in the presence of certain conditions, tests as done by fertility clinics are accurate.

Then the sperm has to reach the egg. So sex at the right time, sufficient cervical fluid (or using sperm-friendly lube) plus sperm which has good motility, etc. Again timing issues can be ruled out by confirming ovulation. Sperm motility issues can be ruled out. Being underweight isn't likely to affect this one because it's more to do with the man's sperm health, which can be checked.

Then both the egg and the sperm need to be good quality, so that they implant. If either are poor quality, the pregnancy will not implant. Worth noting even in couples who are considered normally fertile this happens up to about 80% of the time. This could be caused by random chromosomal errors (this gets worse with age), but also supposedly diet, environmental factors, etc - so if a person is underweight due to malnutrition, anorexia etc then I could see there would be a correlation here, but it doesn't seem as though it's relevant to the OP - if this is where the problem is occurring, it's far more likely unfortunately that the PCOS is causing it. Possibly some of the suggestions in It Starts With The Egg would help with this step - I don't know, because I'm not an expert on PCOS, but I know it can be comforting to be doing something. (This is the step we get stuck at, because of the chromosome issue, and no dietary supplement can change that).

Then lastly the womb itself must be the correct environment to allow the fertilised egg to implant. If there is a problem with womb lining, hormonal balance, etc, then this can also cause a fertilised egg not to implant, or to implant in such a way that the pregnancy can not continue. I could see, again, that there may be a correlation between somebody who is so severely underweight that they are starving and their body is shutting down nonessential functions, but this is not associated with somebody who simply has a low BMI. Again, the womb lining is something which can be checked with scans. Hormonal balance with blood tests I believe.

As I understand it requirements for IVF, ICSI etc tend to be higher than the conditions for a possible natural conception because if you're at the stage of doing IVF/ICSI you need all the help you can get and because in addition the process of transferring sex cells or fertilised eggs or embryos can render them more fragile which means that they need an even more optimum environment in order to thrive. For example, when doing insemination in clinic the woman will usually be required to remain in a hips-raised position even though for natural conception this step makes no difference. It doesn't make sense to apply IVF rules when looking to assist with conception naturally - and if OP needed to lose or gain any weight in order to qualify for IVF, she would have been informed of this.

I didn't mean to write an essay Blush just wanted to explain where I was coming from.

Chewedupcucumber · 16/06/2018 19:21

BertieBotts

I appreciate that you’ve got a lot of experience in infertility.

But having a low BMI or low body fat (not necessarily anorexic or body shutting down, can just be very muscular or excercise lots) makes conceiving more difficult, and greatly increases the risk of miscarriage.
That isn’t an opinion, that’s medical fact.

SaltySeaBird · 16/06/2018 19:22

Hmm a lot of similarities with me although no two people are the same obviously.

I know it’s no consolation but we had DC1 after 4 years and DC2 3 years later. It was a lot of heartache and what felt like a never ending journey to get there. My miscarriages were well timed to mess up our waiting for IVF but in the end we didn’t need it.

In addition to what you have had / are on I tried acupuncture (don’t feel it helped but a lot do) and eventually used Preseed too. Anecdotally I feel the latter really helped as we conceived four times using it after years of not conceiving at all.

I understand your frustration, I hope you end up as lucky as I was with my journey.

TotallyChorkie · 16/06/2018 19:33

I am also a sufferer if PCOS and we struggled to conceive DD1. (2.5 years)

I now have 5 DC, the last 3 were all conceived on first try.

For me the optimum time is the very next day after my menstral bleeding stops. This works out about CD5/6. I mention this because I saw that you put from CD8 which would be too late for me. I have a 28 - 32 day cycle but this does not seem to make any difference despite the text books all saying otherwise.

Pannacott · 16/06/2018 19:39

Sorry to be another one suggesting things you've probably already thought of, but I'd also suggest Preseed, and sex everyday / twice a day when you know you are ovulating.

Amirite · 16/06/2018 20:06

sometimes fertility makes no sense. I had all tests, nothing was ever found to be wrong with either of us. Never got pregnant naturally but ivf number 2 worked. You just never know, there doesn’t have to be any rhyme or reason to it. Tips on relaxing used to get me riled up, like you’re preventing yourself from getting pregnant with your mind. Utter bullshit. Some people just need a little help.

eurochick · 16/06/2018 20:17

I can't believe I spent twenty grand for some fertility experts to get me pregnant via multiple rounds of ivf when I could just have relaxed and stuck my legs in the air after sex....

Ffs. Best of luck, op. Fwiw when we were ttc there was a study out indicating a bmi of 22 was optimal for fertility. I put on a few pounds to get there, willing to try anything and everything. I still didn't get pregnant but I thought I'd mention it as there has been so much discussion about weight on this thread.

kaytee87 · 16/06/2018 20:22

I have no suggestions, only sympathy Thanks
I hope you get your baby soon.

Raspacihno · 16/06/2018 20:31

^I am also a sufferer if PCOS and we struggled to conceive DD1. (2.5 years)I now have 5 DC, the last 3 were all conceived on first try.
For me the optimum time is the very next day after my menstral bleeding stops. This works out about CD5/6. I mention this because I saw that you put from CD8 which would be too late for me. I have a 28 - 32 day cycle but this does not seem to make any difference despite the text books all saying otherwise.^

Weird, I had the same. 3 years trying without a sniff of a positive and then boom boom boom basically first try. It was quite confusing actually Confused

I would also agree that PCOS being what it is I would try every day during the month (or every other day anyway) as PCOS cycles are mental.