To ask to drop DC at a party early?

[TrickyTrickTrick]

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

It's your problem, if the party mum is anything like me she'll be running round like a bluearsed fly in the 30 mins before the party starts and won't need the extra hassle

She may not be like you. If she was how on earth is having a child of 8 years old "extra hassle " because he's appeared 30 minutes early. There's no logic to the dramatics in this thread.

Even if you were still laying food out, blowing up balloons etc an extra child wouldn't hinder that, you'd tell your Ds and the child to go and play in the garden or build some lego while you sort your shit out.

There is no big deal here in any way!

I wonder how those who couldn't cope with an 8 year old arriving early would be able to cope with having a party at home in the first place. Parties at that age are very hard work.

Shitting hell- what a bunch of drama llamas. If people really think a kid's party is so stressful and hard work I seriously wonder how they manage to function in daily life.

Just ask her. We can't go around not asking for things in case the other person can't say no. Their lack of interpersonal effectiveness skills is not our responsibility. Just ask in a way she can say no and it sounds as if asking is appropriate to your relationship as you have her kid over to yours.

I couldn't imagine living a life where I'm not prepared to put myself out to help others.

I'm wondering how many people saying they'd be fine, totally laid back, no problem have actually had a party at home. Unless you're happy for 12 kids to charge all over the house and garden you have to put a lot of effort into organising games and entertaining them.

It's not about "not coping" of course you'd cope. It's an extra inconvenience though and you'd look like a mean bastard if you said No.

Most families have got things planned for Saturdays in the summer- days out, visitors, clubs to get other siblings to. It would probably suit most parents to drop off early but they're too polite to ask.

i see a consensus hasn't been reached while i've been out!!

To answer a few questions - the event we are at has timed starts for events within it, arriving late will impact this.

the parking/driving is tricky as it is rural with not great access, so arriving late will make this worse.

I will be leaving the event and missing some of the other bits i want to see to collect DC on time.

the mum isn't a stranger but neither are we bosom buddies. i can have a conversation with her, have invited her DC to play before but i don't know her favourite food or colour!

As far as I can gather from the invite the party is more like a playdate, low key fun with friends, not a big hyper-detailed party.

i could guess at a couple of other kids who would have been invited but no idea for certain. I can list my DC's top friends but not this other child's.

and to whoever suggested i was using the party mum as a babysitter - i am trying to find a way for my DC to attend a good friend's party! believe me my day would be easier if he didn't go!

I do have a DH but he needs to be at the event as his company are involved with it.

would love a survey of whether you have more than 2 DC with your yes or no answer! wonder if those of us with 3+ would be the ones saying yes as tbh, one more kid will never make a difference in my house, party or not!!

I'm prepared to put myself out for others, most people are decent and kind enough to help each other. However, it's a bit entitled to think your time is more precious than someone else's.
I think it's impolite to receive an invitation and then phone the host and request different arrangements for your child. What if everyone did that?

It's not that difficult to miss 30 minutes of a local event down the road because you're dropping your son off at a party.

Shitting hell- what a bunch of drama llamas. If people really think a kid's party is so stressful and hard work I seriously wonder how they manage to function in daily life

Well, with difficulty, for some people. I wouldn't give two hoots about it, but I realise from this thread and not being completely blind to people's differences, that some people wouldn't be okay with for all kinds of reasons.

I couldn't imagine living a life where I'm not prepared to put myself out to help others

And yet you clearly manage to live a life where anonymously berating people who aren't the same as you is fine.

I'm prepared to put myself out for others, most people are decent and kind enough to help each other. However, it's a bit entitled to think your time is more precious than someone else's

Sums it up nicely.

Ask politely but have plans should the answer be no.

not sure how i've said my time is more precious than someone elses?!

Just ask nicely. As s host I'd rather the child came to the party early,/stayed later than not go at all.

Or ask another parent. They won't mind.

Just return the favour.

I must be lucky as the parents we know are happy to assist with childcare children for party pick ups / drop offs and keep longer if parent cannot.
Most parties just have a few parents collecting up various children (and pulling over on the way home to confiscate any whistles in party bags).

FFS it's a favour from one mum to another. Nothing to do with the OP thinking her time is more precious than the other mums.

In answer to your survey, I have 3 children all teenagers and have had loads of home parties!
Maybe that's why I've got so hard over the years and find it easier if everyone sticks to the times on the invitation. I got sick of all the phone calls beforehand with special requests- can they come early? Bring their sister? Can you tell me when they're eating? Can they pick up later? One memorable time- Can they have fresh strawberries instead of ice cream?

If I was the party mum, I would rather my child's close friend be dropped early rather than miss the party. And yes I have three kids so one more wouldn't make a difference!

If it were me OP I'd either politely decline, maybe suggesting a substitute play date or I'd send DH to the event with the other dcs. Parenthood sometimes requires sacrifices

I’ve had parties at home.
Ask nicely and it’ll be fine!

I can't believe this would be a huge issue for people! I wouldn't mind at all looking after a child for an extra 30 mins.

Just ask op, certainly doesn't make you a cf in my opinion!

I have 4 children, I have hosted 2 late notice parties (less than 2 weeks notice) and I really, really would prefer to be asked if she can drop early than have her other DC not be able to take part in activities they are looking forward to/child not be able to come to the party.

I don't understand how your child can have a good friend and you don't feel comfortable enough asking the mum for a favour which should ultimately make her child happy if it's their party

Are you really sure the child is a good friend of your child's because it doesn't seem so from your posts.

Why don't you just decline the invitation? You already have plans as a family to attend an event that you have bought tickets for, you have already said that you will have to miss parts and drive backwards and forwards to get DC to this party! There will be plenty more parties over the next few years and as far as I remember no kid has ever died from missing a party.
Maybe next year the other mum will get her arse in gear, not throw a party on the same day as a well known local event and get her invitations out more than a week before.

'hey party mum, dc would love to come to party, thank you! i'd like to organise lifts with someone as we've already booked to go to x event - do you know yet who else is going?'

that way you've explained the problem, suggested a solution (lifts) and if she so pleases she could jump in with offer of help.

Maybe she’s throwing the party on her dc’s birthday, cricket? . That’s not exactly a moveable feast...
And op appears to be the only one to have an issue with it anyway.

to those querying why i don't know the mum of a good friend of my DC - my YR child comes out of a different door at the school to the DC in question, so i spend my playground time at this other door rather than the one my older DC come out of as they are allowed to come and find me in the playground, YRs (understandably) need to be handed to the parent collecting. so basically i would only have chance to talk to this mum if i made extra effort to do so - like catching her to arrange a playdate etc.

Haven’t these good friends ever had a play date?

I too don’t really understand why you are tying yourself in knots trying to sort this out
You are already going somewhere as a family, decline the invitation