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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 14:09

parenting sometimes requires sacrifices! FFS it's a party, not event of the year requiring everyone else's life to be put on hold. Like the op says, it'd be easier for her if he didn't go, she's looking for a way to accommodate the party but it's not worth having the whole family's day disrupted. What about her other DC who would miss enjoying the event with their mum? Just ask, accept a no with good grace, a yes with gratitude, move on.

Original poster
TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 14:09

yes iamagreyhound as i just said, that is the only times i've spoken to the mum. it's DC's friend, not mine - am i supposed to become bosom buddies with the parents of all of my DCs friends?!

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/06/2018 14:10

Well you can ask her, offer a playdate in return as thanks? I wouldn't ask if I was in your position.
Bear in mind you're probably not the only parent that has asked for special arrangements though. A simple party can become a complete headache for a host when a few people want the times changed to suit them better.

She will say Yes that's for sure. She can't really refuse, it'll look like she's being awkward and unhelpful.

lou1221 · 16/06/2018 14:12

Mum of three here, I've hosted stacks of parties at home, and tbh I've had people turn up before 30 mins before start and sitting demand cups of tea (my father for one)! It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if party child's best friend was there earlier, they can keep them entertained whilst you finish of bits.

Just give mum a call and ask, I can't see an issue.

longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 14:14

To all the people who say they'd feel mean saying no, is that because they feel it would be a bit mean, really? Because if you've a good reason to say no it's not mean. If you haven't, then it is. Simply not wanting to put yourself out a little (letting one child arrive early) to save someone else a lot of hassle (leaving the event to do a pita round trip) is a bit mean imo. Different if theres no reason at all for the request or it is a massive favour.

butlerswharf · 16/06/2018 14:14

Don't be the person who does that!!!

EmmaSwann · 16/06/2018 14:15

Gosh some people on here are really horrible. I wouldn't mind at all if you asked me, OP. I appreciate that life's really busy with lots of kids and it's hard when you need to be in more than one place at a time.

I think I'd word it that your DC would love to go to the party but you already have arrangements which clash with the timings. Say sorry for asking but could you drop off half an hour early? If a problem then you might have to decline.

Unless she's totally unreasonable she'll say it's fine.

Tistheseason17 · 16/06/2018 14:16

I expect the party mum will post about the CF who asked if they could drop their kid off 30 mins early and she really did not want to say no but felt forced into saying yes.

You don't really know this woman so you would be a CF as she would only say yes as she felt pushed into a corner.

The fact that you even have to ask means you know this and are hoping to get permission from other mums on here to be rude to this poor um who barely knows you or your kid.

Just decline the invite or miss a bit of your event if it's that important for your child to attend - after all it's just a kids party at home as you say. Unless you are looking to offload your child for more time with less kids at your event...

Notonthestairs · 16/06/2018 14:18

eddielizard has drafted the perfect text on page 9. just send it.

gillybeanz · 16/06/2018 14:19

I wouldn't mind but knew my dc best friends parents well, and we regularly met up for play.
I couldn't ask a parent I barely knew, nor would be happy with some random parent asking me, because I wouldn't know them.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/06/2018 14:21

Don’t be silly, Emma, it may not be fine, and if it isn’t fine the woman would not be unreasonable for that.
Op doesn’t “have to be in two places at once”. at all, she just wants not to miss out on either.
The rest of the world doesn’t always have to enable you to have your cake and eat it.

fiorentina · 16/06/2018 14:22

I would say yes, it gives my child someone to entertain them whilst I prepare. But I do try and help others out if I can as I never know when I may need help.. depends if you’re happy to do them a favour sometime..

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 14:23

“'hey party mum, dc would love to come to party, thank you! i'd like to organise lifts with someone as we've already booked to go to x event - do you know yet who else is going?'“

Now that might piss me off a bit- because it is actually asking me to do something quite complicated, rather than just having an extra child for half an hour. which is not a big or difficult thing.

RickOShay · 16/06/2018 14:26

It’s half an hour Grin
it would be a yes from me, no harm in asking.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/06/2018 14:27

Is "Hey party mum" a good opener? Grin We're not in an Eighties Drama series set in Beverley Hills.

Notso · 16/06/2018 14:29

You already have plans, that presumably DC was looking forward to before the party invitation. Your kid can't attend the party without inconveniencing you and other people.
Decline the invitation and arrange a play date to make up for it. There's no need for all this fannying about Hmm

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/06/2018 14:30

How is it complicated to tell her who else is on the guest list?
And having the extra child isn’t necessarily difficult, but many people would still not want to do it.
Not because it’s beyond them, but because they just don’t want to.
That’s allowed.
I wouldn’t want to lend my clothes, for example, to a relative stranger at the school gates. So I wouldn’t.
Even though it wouldn’t actually be difficult.

Newlacesleeves · 16/06/2018 14:31

I’m astonished at some of the responses here. It’s a children’s party not a wedding - of course it’s perfectly reasonable to ask!

mummmy2017 · 16/06/2018 14:31

People always arrive early... ask... what is the worse she can do...
We did do this once and also offered to have her DD. For the morning so the mum could sort the house out child free.....

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 14:34

I think the OP was expected to “insert name here”.

“Hi Florence. Sebastian would love to come to Tarquin’s party, but unfortunately we have to be in two places at once on Saturday! Would it be possible for me to drop Sebastian at yours half an hour early? Then we can take Jobiska to her thing. Do please say no if it’s at all inconvenient. Parthenope x”
There you go. My invoice follows shortly.

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 16/06/2018 14:36

I wouldn't mind in the least if you asked personally - in fact, having them there a bit early would take the heat off me with my own excited kids...

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 14:40

“I wouldn’t want to lend my clothes, for example, to a relative stranger at the school gates. So I wouldn’t.”

Well, I wouldn’t want to put them up for a fortnight either. I might think twice about looking after their toddler for a morning.

Having their 8 year old for half an hour? Barely registers on the favour radar.. Having their 8 year old for half an hour so my child can have his friend at his party? Not even on the radar.

Opheliasgoldenwine · 16/06/2018 14:43

Parties aren't nursery or day care, of it was 5/10 mins I'd understand but 30 is too much.

diddl · 16/06/2018 14:43

If I was party mum I'd be happy to do it so that my son could have an invitee there rather than not.

But, if you already have bought tickets for an event as a family-why wouldn't you just go to that?

Dungeondragon15 · 16/06/2018 14:44

You already have plans, that presumably DC was looking forward to before the party invitation. Your kid can't attend the party without inconveniencing you and other people.

I don't think a normal person would find it much of an inconvenience though. You never know, they may be the sort of person who would prefer it if their child's close friends can attend the party and happy to facilitate that.

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