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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:
Jeezoh · 16/06/2018 11:53

Or some people who would mind might just find children’s parties stressful enough as it is so adding another child into the mix would be too much for them. I’m in that group so depending on how I was feeling, I’d either tell the parent who else was coming or I’d make the offer to have the child early. It’s nothing to do with needing to give my head a wobble and more about how I cope with situations I find stressful.

I appreciate there are lots of parents who don’t find parties stressful but there’s clearly a large number who do. As the OP doesn’t know which camp the party host falls in to, I stand by my view that not putting her on the spot when there’s an alternative way of asking for help would be the polite thing to do.

Iceweasel · 16/06/2018 11:54

It really, really is... Op doesn’t even know the woman in question.
So? The children are friends, children have friends over when the parents don't know each other. A birthday is about the birthday child and I would be happy to help another parent out so my child could have their friend at their birthday.

Karigan198 · 16/06/2018 11:54

Um why don’t you just say that your kid wants to go but you already have tickets for something else so was wondering who else was going to see if you could sort the logistics of your kid going and you taking the others to the event.

Aridane · 16/06/2018 11:54

If you were the host, it’s difficult to say no

BalloonSlayer · 16/06/2018 11:55

I'd suggest you text:

DS is really looking forward to the party. The only trouble is that we have to leave at xx time to get to yy event which we'd booked ages ago. Is there any chance you could tell me who else is coming so I can ask around if someone can drop DS off for me?

With any luck she'll say "oh just drop him off early."

longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 11:56

The trouble with the indirect approach is I wouldn't make an unprompted offer in that scenario as I'd think you were saying you'd rather stick to your original plan. Totally understand some people would find it too stressful, but those people need to find a way to say no, not get angry about"being put on the spot". That's madness

kierenthecommunity · 16/06/2018 12:02

It's quite possible that, with an excited birthday child, they will create more mess to clean up, undo stuff that's been done, so actually create extra work, just when there's no time to do it before guests arrve.

They’re eight, not marauding toddlers. They’ll probably spend the time plugged into a device of some sort and have to be dragged off to join in Grin

Just ask. I wouldn’t do the dropping hints about asking other parents thing either, as it would be dead obvious you’re dropping hints. Grin It’s half an hour not the whole weekend

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/06/2018 12:02

It really, really is... Op doesn’t even know the woman in question.

Yes she does.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 16/06/2018 12:03

I am past all this palava thankfully.We got around it by putting an add on saying please could you let us know beforehand if you need to drop off early/pick up late.I found this worked quite well and I got more answers to the RSVPs.
I found people not letting you know if they were coming or not the most aggravating.

Somewhereoverthesanddune · 16/06/2018 12:05

I'm really confused here. In this situation in my friendship/acquaintance group the answer would be 'of course. Does he want to sleep over?'!

I have an eight year old and host parties at home. Maybe I have lower standards but they comprise of balloons, sweets, party bags, a cake and pizza. I don't find them stressful!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/06/2018 12:05

I agree It's only half an hour. But then it's only half an hour out of OP's planned day out out too, which is just a local event down the road.
I wouldn't ask, I'd alter my own plans.

ThankYouGillian · 16/06/2018 12:06

Someone has asked me this before - I said yes with no hesitation, I certainly didn't consider it cheeky or rude. If I hadn't wanted to, I would have made up an excuse to say no. It's no big deal.

PuppyMonkey · 16/06/2018 12:09

I definitely think it’s worth asking and you won’t be a CF for doing that. Especially given the pretty short notice for the event. Unless you’re absolutely sure there isn’t a single other parent whose child is also going along - and you could ask them instead?

Cornishclio · 16/06/2018 12:10

It's a long time since I had to do school parties but I would have been happy for one child to be dropped off early if it meant a good friend of my DC could come to their party. Maybe RSVP that your DC. would love to come to the party but all the rest of the family are attending this event so you are trying to sort out transport options unless you can drop him off early. Maybe party mum will offer. If she says well hope you sort it out you know where you stand. I can't imagine anyone is so non assertive they would say yes drop him off early if it would be a big problem. Otherwise tell your DS he can't go. Kids cannot do everything and if all the rest of the family are doing something else then that has to outweigh one child's commitments.

Iceweasel · 16/06/2018 12:12

Text message so she isn't put on the spot?

summermeadows · 16/06/2018 12:13

One of my DS's friend's mum asked if she could drop him off early at our house early and pick him up later (than the starting and finishing time) for his party a couple of years ago when they were about 8 or 9 yrs old, similar circumstances and I said yes of course!
He came about 30 mins early, he and my boys played the PlayStation and ate crisps, he stayed about an hour later until collected... no fuss, nothing!
We have 5 DC though so we're used to lots of kids about, not sure if that makes any difference.
Just ask his mum!

crispysausagerolls · 16/06/2018 12:17

I think it really depends on how you phrase it! Yes it’s a bit cheeky but also you want your son to attend, and her son also wants him there. If someone asked me nicely and explained the situation without making me feel like i was being guilted into it i really wouldn’t mind.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 16/06/2018 12:18

Text message so she isn't put on the spot?

Good idea. I wouldn't do it personally.

As to the broad question of whether this is okay or not, it depends on the person and their circumstances. A parent with a partner helping out, a bit of family/friends support, tons of time and really organised, less of a problem than, for example, a single working parent or someone without any help, who needs every last second to get organised or someone with social anxiety for whom the whole thing is a bit overwhelming and that 'bit extra' might be a big deal for.

I don't think it's necessarily cheeky, but it could be a bit inconsiderate depending on the circumstances.

Clubcuts · 16/06/2018 12:23

I wouldn't think twice about saying yes to this! They're hosting a children's party not a royal wedding.

lottiegarbanzo · 16/06/2018 12:27

They’re eight, not marauding toddlers. They’ll probably spend the time plugged into a device of some sort and have to be dragged off to join in

I did wonder if the two years between the 5/6 (still offering plenty of destructive 'help' and creating over-excited obstruction) I'm familiar with and 7/8 would make all the difference. Relieved to hear it would (only two years to go!).

Iceweasel · 16/06/2018 12:28

As to the broad question of whether this is okay or not, it depends on the person and their circumstances. A parent with a partner helping out, a bit of family/friends support, tons of time and really organised, less of a problem than, for example, a single working parent or someone without any help, who needs every last second to get organised or someone with social anxiety for whom the whole thing is a bit overwhelming and that 'bit extra' might be a big deal for.

I am an autistic single parent, I have social anxiety. Parties have been me with help from my sibling who is 11 years older than my child. I figure I will be stressed anyway so an extra child is not so much a big deal.

I would hate for a child to miss out or my child not have a friend at their birthday because a parent was hesitant to ask me for help.

2blueshoes · 16/06/2018 12:38

Honestly, I would say yes to having him but it would stress me out. She's going to have her hands full of kids and preparing, cleaning up after the event for hours. Don't add to her load.

LizB62A · 16/06/2018 12:38

It's your problem, if the party mum is anything like me she'll be running round like a bluearsed fly in the 30 mins before the party starts and won't need the extra hassle

IDrinkFromTheKegOfGlory · 16/06/2018 12:43

Haha! I love this thread! 😆

As long as you genuinely give her the ability to say no, I really don't see the problem. I'd have no issue either asking or receiving a question like that.

And, in fact, it would help with the party prep because it would prevent my dc from constantly asking "is it nearly time yet?" "when will everyone be here?" "what time is it now?" "how many minutes til it starts?" every fricking second! 😫

megletthesecond · 16/06/2018 12:44

I had to ask this a couple of weeks ago.
DD was invited to a party that clashed with our vicars last service, which we had already planned to attend. Luckily the host family are also members of the church so I decided being cheeky and asking was worth it. DD didn't know who else was going to the party so I couldn't get someone else to take her.