To ask to drop DC at a party early?

[TrickyTrickTrick]

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

Hello, just ask, cannot see why this seems like such a big deal. I'd appreciate my DS having a friend round early to keep him busy while I get everything ready. enjot the event!

Is it really a big deal to miss 30 mins of this event you're going to? It's 10 minutes away from the party venue so it's not like you need to avoid traffic and it has no specific start time.

Just get to the event slightly later.

I've thrown loads of children's parties and it does start to grate when most of the parents arrive early and pick up late thinking it's only them doing it. In fact it's several children and happens all the time. Some ask before hand, some don't, most don't even bother replying to the RSVP so you've no idea who's coming.

But at 8 surely the guest is minding your child so to speak leaving you to get one with getting ready. Whenever my 9 year old has friends round they disappear off and keep themselves occupied

If they are good friends then they would be no bother at all it’s not an extra 3 year old

I knew you'd get loads of "don't ask" responses but in real life I think it'd be no big deal. I'd much rather mind an extra child for 30 mins than have my dc disappointed at their friend missing the party.

*other mum can always say no

The trouble being that Op and this mum don't know each other, this mum is quiet and shy so likely to say Yes while inwardly groaning, forming an opinion of OP as cheeky and possibly starting a Mumsnet thread to vent.*

This is the real problem isn't it? No one can be trusted to give you a straight answer, so you end up not asking and disappointing 2 dc over a favour where the answer might well (probably would) have been "of course". My MIL does this - I ask if she has a preference between two options, she says "no, whatever suits you". I pick one, she sulks. Pisses me right off. Why not just say "I'd prefer x" in the first place?

Quartz it depends on the child! I've had early arrivers that tip out all the toy boxes upstairs, burst the balloons and follow me around saying I'm Bored when is the party starting?

I've never just had one child turn up early, it's usually at least 2 or 3 so you can't get on with getting ready as the doorbell keeps going. You don't want to start the party entertainments until everyone arrives so the children amuse themselves jumping on the sofa

I don’t understand why if your child is such good friends with this child you only know their mum on nodding terms.
My dd is 9 and I’m really familiar with all her best friends parents, we’re not all friends necessarily but I know them well enough to be able to know if this is something that’s reasonable to ask of them.
To be honest it is a bit CF but some people will totally take it in their stride and others will be a bit
I’d say fine if it was my dd’s friends because I’m not sure what difference it makes at a house party, just means they kids play for longer. I’d ask dd’s friends mums too as I know them well enough to know they'd be fine with it.

If you’re going to ask someone to help out with your logistics, it’s better to ask someone who’s not already got stuff to do on the day! Just say little Johnny would love to come but you’d need help getting him there at the right time so can they let you know who else rsvps and you’ll ask them to help. Then they’ll either tell you some names or offer to help you themselves. But don’t put the onus on the people who’ve already got their hands full sorting out the party!

I won't mind at all if someone arrived early if this was prearranged. You're not being asked to look after a toddler. This is an 8 year old who I'm sure can help with any preparations or just stay out of the way with the birthday child if necessary. I can't believe that so many seem to think it is a big imposition.

30 mins isn’t that long but...”that” mum’s got enough to do, I’d say. Ask another Mum?

I think the point is that based on this thread, some people wouldn’t mind and others would. So it seems the sensible option to avoid putting the host on the spot when there’s an easy way to do so.

I'd have absolutely no issue with this if I was the Party mum. I'd just want to make sure my DC had their best friend at the party.

id be ok with someone asking this if it was a very good friend of my child

Turning up early unannounced is a totally different thing altogether. My DM used to make us wait round the corner till a polite 5 mins after the start time in case the host was late getting ready . But saying "ds would love to come but we have already got plans that mean the only way he could make it is if you were able to accept him 30 mins earlier, which I realise is a bit of an ask when you're getting ready for the party" is not cf at all. Presumably they wanted your ds there or wouldn't have invited him, and you're accommodating that by changing your plans, as much as anything. Not cf in my book - I feel lucky that at my dd's school everyone's always swapping little favours like this and not getting all het up about "cf requests".

I'd ask. I've picked up children to take to my child's party before, and dropped them home. One child had a single parent who had to go to work in the evening and the child and younger sibling were being babysat by an teenage sibling. Another child had an autistic younger sibling who would have had their bedtime routine disrupted by dropping off and picking up the invitee.

“I think the point is that based on this thread, some people wouldn’t mind and others would. So it seems the sensible option to avoid putting the host on the spot when there’s an easy way to do so.”

In my continued appropriation of Mumsnet cliches, anyone who would mind needs to “give their head a wobble”.

No, of course you can’t, it’s the epitome of rudeness.

If you asked me i would say yes, but I would really rather not.

Just ask I would and have done in the past due to work commitments.

The first child I mentioned was 5 turning 6 and half wild, managed to come home with a party bag from another party. I wouldn't have a problem with an extra eight year old!

No, of course you can’t, it’s the epitome of rudeness.

It really, really isn't.

It really, really is... Op doesn’t even know the woman in question.

And I absolutely agree that whether it’s a big ask depends on the child. If they are the type to play quietly until the party starts then that’s one thing but if they are the type to poke their fingers in the food, trash the house and whine about why no-one else is here yet for 30 mins then maybe not. I would see if the host offered rather than asking regardless though.

I would say to the parent 'little Johnny would love to come to the party but unfortunately I will be at x and the two Events clash'
If it was my child's party and you said that to me if your kid wasn't a shit I'd offer to keep them either side of the party so they could still come.

The point is OP's ds won't miss his best friend's party whatever happens.
It's a choice between OP inconveniencing her planned day by 30 minutes or inconveniencing her host.

I'd choose disrupting my own plans slightly.