To ask to drop DC at a party early?

[TrickyTrickTrick]

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

Greyhound you can say no. If it's going to freak you out you should say no. But if you say no just because "you don't have to" that's mean imo.

Why are you depressed by this thread Bertrand?

How is it kind to ask a mother you barely know or speak to a favour? The children aren't even in the same school year.
We've all more or less said we would all accommodate the request but some of us think it's a bit cheeky to ask.

There's no need to lose faith in mankind.

Why wouldn't you just say no if you did mind though? Thats the bit I don't get. Why would you "feel mean" saying no, if.its a CF request? I'd only feel mean if it secretly I knew it wasn't much of an ask.

And maybe I'm unusual and influenced by dd being an August birthday in an area where many families spend the whole summer abroad but it means quite a lot to me that my DC's close friends attend their party and would be grateful if someone put themselves out to facilitate their DC attending. It's not a one way street, even if you are laying on pizza.

Who knows Lurker lots of people aren't assertive enough to refuse things or say NO. Who knows why someone might feel inconvenienced by the request but it's not beyond the realm of possibility that they are.

Well thats what I find depressing. A whole community of mutual trust and support grinds to a halt because of the possibility of being seen as a CF for asking whether something might be a problem.

“some of us think it's a bit cheeky to ask.”

That’s what’s so depressing.

" It’s the horrible, horrible “my little family” thing in action."

What's wrong with saying no to a kid because plans have already been made?

I would have thought that a lot of people's reaction would be "no, sorry, we already have tickects to x event"?

Perhaps if you could easily get you kid to the party & everyone else to the planned event you might say OK.

But when you have to start asking others for a favour-however small, that might be when you just have to go with what has already been planned?

We also have summer birthdays longestlurkerever - I'm so keen for kids to come to my DD's party I collect some of them and drop them home!
We get them decorating tables and blowing up balloons (on the basis we will have to re do it all when they are parked in front the entertainer ).

Well I'm giving a lift to a party tomorrow as it happens, in a very similar scenario (child would otherwise have to miss out due to competing family engagement). Other parent asked for the favour, and I'm glad she did as I was happy to oblige. It's a tiny inconvenience because I don't have enough room in my car for youngest DD so will have to make sure she is available to look after her at that time, but no biggie. I know I'm not the party host in this scenario but in your world this is a favourthat should never have been asked. Why on earth not?

It’s not the same thing at all, lurker. Lot’s of people lift share when they’re going to the same place.
Even me!

Hahaha is this still rumbling on

Years ago when youngest was a babe in arms, eldest got invited to a soft play. Their dad was working, youngest was v high maintenance and the party took place across a mealtime time slot so no way could i have left youngest with anyone, eldest still too little to drop and run

After heeding the dire warnings of mn posts telling me i would be a vile necky grabby freeloading bitch cast out forever by all right thinking people i threw myself on the mercy of party mother, explained my dilemma, promised faithfully that i would provide all snacks and entry fees etc to youngest just please could i being him along i would be eternally grateful feel free to say no i feel awful for even asking etc etc

Party mother looked at me like i had gone mad and went dur yeah, bring him, what are you even on about

😂

What is handy is a WhatsApp group divvying up lifts between parents - so you might need to collect two or three others on the way but then someone else will drop them off.

Ah just realised I've gone off topic!

Yes, I'm not lift sharing though as they don't have a car. Still didn't really register on my favour-o-meter. Nor would this (in fact it'd be less of an inconvenience, as I wouldn't have to go anywhere or make sure dh was around or anything at all really), so it seems a shame not to ask. No judgment on someone saying no as totally accept people have their reasons, just that this whole "you can't ask, you're putting them in an awkward situation" is a weird and unhelpful way to think imo.

Torn on this one.

I had dd1's best friend 3 hours early for her 7th birthday a few weeks back, and kept her until the next afternoon (due to a tricky work situation). She is a lovely girl who I know well, and her parents are friends, but it was a total ballache tbh. I would do it again, but I do find parties stressful, and an extra child made things trickier.

obviously i asked because i was doubting myself but i am, like a few others, rather depressed that so many have reacted so strongly that this is beyond incomprehensible to dare to ask a favour of a fellow parent!

I would help a fellow mum in an instant, partly because i'm a nice person and partly because i'd hope that someone, someday may be prepared to help me out. isn;t that how communities work?

further clarifications - my DC is in the same year as the party child, i have other DC at the school who are younger who i collect from a different door.

and I am definitely not pandering to whatever DC wants and cant say no to him. if it had been a whole class soft play extravaganza for just a classmate rather than a friend i would have said no because we have plans. this is a smaller party for a good friend and DC really really wants to go and i'm trying to find a way to accommodate if i can.

i will ask i think.

I have been asked this and always accommodate if I can. I appreciate others have lives too.

this whole "you can't ask, you're putting them in an awkward situation" is a weird and unhelpful way to think imo

This a thread full of very diverse opinions on it, which indicates pretty clearly that some people don't want to be asked, whether or not you think you they should/shouldn't.

Those people aren't wrong, they aren't mean or bad friends, they just don't fancy doing it.

I have a friend people ask favours of and she's far too nice to say no even though it's clearly too much for her and she's got an autistic child and on anti depressants. These people never return favours and just think of themselves. They are just people who think their time is more important than hers and know she's too nice to say no.

If there's a situation where you swap favours that's different.

ilost the child is in the same year - you are getting confused with OP's reference to her younger child.

OP - I'd just ask - you never know she maybe a MN'r and is waiting by the phone for you to text!

well i've text the mum to ask, explained the situation, asked who else is going for me to try and arrange lifts and made it clear its fine if it doesn't work for her.

will just have to wait and see now.

So based on this thread I have about 33.3% chance of it being ok, 33.3% chance of her saying ok but being a bit annoyed about it and 33.3% chance of her now thinking i am the biggest CF going and her marching on here to make a thread about this totally unreasonable parent who's child desperately wanted to come to her kid's party!

If she's the latter hopefully she will see this thread and realise I didn't intend to be a CF and really wouldn't mind if she says no!

cross posts with OP - apologies ilost

It's great that you have given it some thought and weighed up whether you think it's a cheeky request or not. Far better that than to rock up an hour early with little explanation as some parents do!

I always find it difficult to ask things like this of others, particularly if I don't know how they'll take it/don't know them very well.

I'm not sure why this has got so heated with insults thrown and accusations of posters not being "normal" or "nice people" when they've said actually I would find this inconvenient and find organising parties stressful. We're all different.

"I had dd1's best friend 3 hours early for her 7th birthday a few weeks back, and kept her until the next afternoon (due to a tricky work situation)"
Because that is ^exactly the same........