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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to drop DC at a party early?

440 replies

TrickyTrickTrick · 16/06/2018 09:07

DC (8) has been invited to a party. It is on the same day as a local event we were planning on attending as a family (we already have tickets for it). DC is desperate to go as it is one of their good friends. If relevant tickets purchased last week, invite is only a week's notice from party date.

I know the mum to say 'hi' to, occasional playground chat, the friend has been here for dinner etc but I do not know the mum 'well' as such. She seems nice, but quite shy/quiet.

Party is about 10 mins from the local event, it is a party at the child's house. I would also have to dip out of event early to collect DC and then re-park at event and re-enter. So probably missing about 45mins ish of the event.

WIBU to ask the mum if i could drop DC half an hour early? This would allow us to get to the event close to the time we originally planned to get there (we have other DC who are excited to go to the event), so only disrupting our family day out in the middle when I go to collect, rather than at the start as well.

WIBU to ask her? or does this make me a CF?!

OP posts:
ltk · 16/06/2018 14:48

What a thread. Just ask. The other Mum is either in the highly-strung, how-rude group and she will never forgive you for this inexcusable social terrorism; or she will be of a mind that one extra 8-year-old for half an hour before a party will be a big treat for her child and is the very definition of No Big Deal. You don't know her well enough to knoq which type she is, but if she's in Group 2, you've just made a friend. And that's always nice.

HowsAnnie25 · 16/06/2018 14:50

I wouldn't ask but that's because I would just tell my child we're already busy. However, I think it's perfectly fine of you to ask and perfectly fine of the Mum to say yes, or no, whichever suits her and her child. I actually don't think it's cheeky. (And I normally say everyone is rude and cheeky!)

longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 14:52

What if you had spare clothes in your bag @greyhound and the other "relative stranger"'s child had wet theirs. Would you still not lend them? Because unless you're likely to need them I'd say that is mean tbh. These sorts of threads open my eyes to the way other people think and it's not always pretty.

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 14:56

“But, if you already have bought tickets for an event as a family-why wouldn't you just go to that?”

Because the kid wants to go to his friend’s party instead.

sirfredfredgeorge · 16/06/2018 14:57

Yep, just ask "sorry, we're off to X, DS would rather give it up for X's party, but obviously that means we'd all have to miss it unless we could drop 20 minutes early, you're welcome to say no of course and we'll see what we can organise!"

I really cannot imagine the people who would complain about being asked, they really are bonkers, and annoying them is reasonable.

ltk · 16/06/2018 15:01

Kids love having friends arrive early and stay late. And presumably peiple throw birthday parties to make their dc happy.

longestlurker I know what you mean about insight into how other people think!

KioraAdora · 16/06/2018 15:02

I wouldnt mind being asked if I were the party planner. Thats what happens when you invite someone with 1 weeks notice.

Theyve had 51 weeks to send invites out.

diddl · 16/06/2018 15:07

"Because the kid wants to go to his friend’s party instead."

Yeah, but kids can't always do what they want because it doesn't fit in with the plans of the rest of the family.

timshortfforthalia · 16/06/2018 15:07

I get very stressed out by parties. I have high expectations, loads of hard work and have held lots/most of them at home.

I would be gutted if one of dcs friends didn't come because parent felt she couldn't ask to drop them off half an hour early. I'd be upset for both dc and their friend. I always get stressed by parties, that's a given - my biggest fear is their friends not coming.

In reality, a friend half an hour early would make life easier, not harder. We had ds's ninth party at home last week. Two CFSs pucked their kids up 40min and an hour late. It pissed me off in theory, but in reality it helped ds wind down and dodge the post party flat feeling. Asking is def not CFery

Notso · 16/06/2018 15:08

I don't think a normal person would find it much of an inconvenience though. You never know, they may be the sort of person who would prefer it if their child's close friends can attend the party and happy to facilitate that.

I think most people would just say no to their kid having bought tickets to another event.
If it wasn't a potential inconvenience OP wouldn't be asking MN or the party Mum, she'd just drop the child off without a second thought. Just because you wouldn't mind doesn't mean someone who would isn't normal.

TheBlueDot · 16/06/2018 15:18

I have two DC and I would absolutely want you to ask me if it meant your child could come to my DC party.

Especially if I’d only organised the party with a week’s notice!

sirfredfredgeorge · 16/06/2018 15:19

Just because you wouldn't mind doesn't mean someone who would isn't normal

Someone who minds being asked is not normal, that they think so little of their kid that they'd rather their friends didn't turn up than suffer the really minor discomfort of having to say "No, sorry we can't have him dropped early, maybe you could try X,Y,Z parent who are coming?" Even if they really couldn't have them earlier.

longestlurkerever · 16/06/2018 15:24

Totally agree that there's a difference between realising this is a bit of a favour to ask, and being a CF. A favour is something that might be a mild inconvenience to someone else but save you a lot of inconvenience. Bring able to ask for a favour, and willing to return them, is not CFery, it is what makes the world spin more smoothly. The key is "ask" - with no expectation either way about the answer you'll receive. Not asking and not being willing to be asked is cutting off everyone's noses. We just need to be more comfortable saying no.

Singlenotsingle · 16/06/2018 15:24

Yes, ask the mother and explain the reasons to her. I'm sure she won't mind.

NotTakenUsername · 16/06/2018 15:25

Someone who minds being asked is not normal,

🙄 phew, thanks for the clarification, Freud.

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 15:35

“Yeah, but kids can't always do what they want because it doesn't fit in with the plans of the rest of the family“

Of course not. But if everybody can do what they want to do by asking a favourite so miniscule it barely counts as a favourite, then it actually seems perverse not to..........

Cheto · 16/06/2018 15:43

@ltk What a thread. Just ask. The other Mum is either in the highly-strung, how-rude group and she will never forgive you for this inexcusable social terrorism; or she will be of a mind that one extra 8-year-old for half an hour before a party will be a big treat for her child and is the very definition of No Big Deal. You don't know her well enough to knoq which type she is, but if she's in Group 2, you've just made a friend. And that's always nice.

THIS

Di11y · 16/06/2018 15:45

Well 20 mins would be more reasonable, I'd expect them to be readyish by then and having a friend would redirect the excitement.

Its def not cheeky to ask if you couch it as def don't worry if not.

Dungeondragon15 · 16/06/2018 15:50

I think most people would just say no to their kid having bought tickets to another event.

I don't agree. It depends on what the other event was and how much the tickets were but if DD was desperate to go to the part of a close friend I wouldn't just say "no" without some consideration. I think many people would be the same.

If it wasn't a potential inconvenience OP wouldn't be asking MN or the party Mum, she'd just drop the child off without a second thought. Just because you wouldn't mind doesn't mean someone who would isn't normal.

I don't think it "normal" to find something like that a bit inconvenience.

Dungeondragon15 · 16/06/2018 15:50

bit inconvenience. Meant to say "big" inconvenience.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/06/2018 15:53

Well I was thinking more along the lines of allowing someone to come round and rifle through my wardrobe, longestlurker Grin
You’re right, it was a fairly crap analogy, but the point I was making so badly is that just because someone else considers their ask to be perfectly reasonable, I don’t have to share that view.
And there’s may be perfectly valid reasons why, or it may be that I just don’t want to.
An emergency situation is different, but op’s dilemma here is that she doesn’t want to miss out on something else, and she’s decided that the problem is party mum’s to solve.

Tink2007 · 16/06/2018 15:53

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest nor do I think it means you are being a CF.

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 15:53

I have to say, on a serious note, that this thread is incredibly depressing. How have we come to a point where we don’t help each other out, do little favours, be kind to each other. Where asking for help is “being a cheeky fucker”. It’s the horrible, horrible “my little family” thing in action.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/06/2018 15:54

I’m actually perfectly normal, Dungeon darling.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/06/2018 16:00

This is an insight into how others think and it's not always pretty

I disagree. It's more considerate to not ask this favour at all. And a bit entitled to expect your child to be treated any differently to the rest of the guests.
Maybe it's an insight into how parents will try to bend over backwards to accommodate their child's wants. Lots of rescheduling and pulling in favours because he's invited to a casual playdate type party last minute and wants to go!

I wouldn't really care if a mum asked to bring their child early to my child's party. I might be a bit peeved if she was the 3rd mum approaching me to ask sweetly if their child could arrive/leave at different times to requested.
I'd say Yes though.

My point is, I wouldn't be a parent asking this in case the mother does mind and feels put upon. Especially as OP can make other arrangements.

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