To have ignored my neighbour?

[Cheery1004]

I've lived in my property for just over a year now. He is in the house next to mine. Over the year we have just exchanged a couple of hellos.
His ora just unsettles me.

Recently I pulled up he was outside I walked around to get.my son in the car, he hi. I got my son out turned around and he was waiting in his drive for me. Started going on about my son getting bigger.

A few weeks back I pulled up and I sent a quick text he tapped on my window and asked if I could help jump start his car. I said yes obviously as it was the nice thing to do. We couldn't get it started and he said something was wrong with my connection (it werent) so someone else pulled up and I asked him if he could help after saying to my neighbour numerous times oh maybe he can help you. As my son was asleep in the car and it was a hot day! I felt like he could have asked other people pulling up.
He then said thanks and he would trim my garden for me. I just said Thanks but not to worry that's not needed.

My DF then put up a gate for me and DS. He popped up and peered over the fence, spoke a tiny bit but was mainly being nosy. He then commented about me doing hard graft like he knew me. Both my parents said they felt awkward and he reminded them of a creepy relative we have. I agreed because that is who he reminds me of!
Just now I went outside to empty the Hoover and banged the filter outside for all of 30 secs. He appears at the fence and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed. I just walked off and went inside.

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy. And don't want to feel like every time I go outside he is about to make a comment. He is only a lodger and said he hasn't lived here for long but he was here before I moved in.

Slarti - I think I know you from another discussion board.

"I wonder how many innocent people have been "outed" as creeps and sex-pests based on an utterly bullshit "gut feeling"

have I said of a man "he makes me uncomfortable" - yes I have. Is that "outing"? No one takes a gut feeling to HR.

if the other board still exists - one I left because it was full of crazy men - I'd take myself back there if I were you.

Are you a man Slarti?

I genuinely don’t understand all these people saying oh he just sounds like a nice normal person. We’re constantly told to trust our instincts and if you feel he is creepy then go with that!

Trust your instincts-girls/women are socialised into being nice-you do not have to engage with him if you don't feel comfortable.

Flip it and reverse it

‘Aibu to feel miffed at my neighbour’s rebuffal’

‘I always try and talk to my neighbours, but the young woman next door always seems to be making excuses to avoid stop and chats. She’s a single mum and i thought she’d appreciate a hand with stuff like hedge trimming and diy but she can’t get away from me fast enough, it seems. Now she’s stepped it up to outright ignoring me. She was emptying her dyson filter and i made a lighthearted remark and she just turned and walked away. Aibu to think she is rude and ignorant and ungrateful?’

Yes there would be the odd response of ‘stuck up cow, just ignore her right back, the bitch’ but i would bet my house that the majority of responses would be ‘she’s probably tired and busy and doesn’t want to chat so just respect that’ or ‘why on earth would you assume a young woman would need your help, how presumptuous’ or ‘ugh i loathe small talk, maybe she does too, just stick to nodding and saying hello in future’

‘I always try and talk to my neighbours, but the young woman next door always seems to be making excuses to avoid stop and chats. She’s a single mum and i thought she’d appreciate a hand with stuff like hedge trimming and diy but she can’t get away from me fast enough, it seems. Now she’s stepped it up to outright ignoring me. She was emptying her dyson filter and i made a lighthearted remark and she just turned and walked away. Aibu to think she is rude and ignorant and ungrateful?’

If I read that I would tell the poster that imo it looks like the woman feels uncomfortable and doesn't want their help and to back off.

I would also be very dubious to why he was so keen on helping a young, single woman too.

Op is well within her rights to limit contact with this man... even for a gut instinct it’s her choice as an individual.
However calling someone a pervert, a creep, odd etc etc for no real reason is horrible, not every man in a potential pervert, some people are a bit socially awkward and lonely and maybe perhaps over friendly but that doesn’t always make them dangerous..... no one would be calling a older woman neighbour a pervert in this scenario!!!!

However calling someone a pervert, a creep, odd etc etc for no real reason is horrible, not every man in a potential pervert, some people are a bit socially awkward and lonely and maybe perhaps over friendly but that doesn’t always make them dangerous

Of course not every man is dangerous. But sadly some are and if someone makes you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason surely it's better to err on the side of caution and not ignore how they make you feel?

LondonElle "no one would be calling a older woman neighbour a pervert in this scenario!!!!"

if they said "if you're going to bang it, bang it" I totally would.

also, no one is suggesting going up to the man and saying "fuck off you creep". if you think someone is a creep you are allowed to say so in a conversation with others, surely?

I see nothing sexual about his bang it comment.. it means put a bit more “welly”/ strength into which could be classed as sexism but couldn’t just about everything these days....

London agreed.

As stated the op is well within her rights to ignore this neighbour I wouldn’t even class it as particularly rude as in regards to their ages and life experiences they probably aren’t going to have much in common but that being said I think the pervert comments are ott and I’m but I don’t believe a woman would be classed as a pervert for making that “bang it comment as I don’t think it would be misconstrued as sexual... maybe a little interfering but not sexual!

Exactly GreatDuck, i think most ppl would reply in that way

“"no one would be calling a older woman neighbour a pervert in this scenario!!!!"”

I must have missed the epidemic of older women being sexually predatory in anything like the same numbers as men of the same age

But not every male in a predator and not every friendly greeting is flirting or harassment.

I had an uncle like that. He could be asking me what the time was and he would still make my skin crawl. Just something about him really.
If the guy is making you feel uncomfortable, the only thing you can really do is avoid him. Trust your instincts tho. Don't let yourself feel quilted into talking to him.

Is it possible he has a bit of SA? I do some flipping weird things, I’d have probably done something like wait at the end of the drive to seem polite thinking if I didn’t I would appear to be rude.

Sounds like he’s just trying to be a nice neighbour, it doesn’t hurt to be nice back but distant enough that he doesn’t feel he’s invited round for a cuppa

“But not every male in a predator and not every friendly greeting is flirting or harassment”

That still doesn’t mean women owe men their time and attention if they don’t feel like giving it.

I have already stated the op is well
Within her rights not to engage with him
In any way, shape or form.
What I don’t agree with is calling this man a creep and a pervert for a few hellos, general conversation and asking and offering to do favours!!

From what you've written, I can't see anything other than typical neighbourly small talk.

But I wouldn't overthink the fact you've ignored some tedious commentary on filter emptying. He'll get the message not to engage with you.

Trust your instincts. If you don't feel comfortable don't risk it. You don't owe a guy a smile.

kary I didn't swear, rave or rant. I simply made the same point as other posters, that labelling this man a creep or pervert based on no evidence (except a "gut feeling") was wrong. Feel free to quote me to prove your accusation though.

I'd equally like you to prove that I said anything like "men are entitled to attention from any woman they happen to lay eyes on" or "a woman not reciprocating a man's attention because she simply does not like him is some kind of bizarre and awful bigoted anti-man oppression" - you can't because nothing in my posts suggests anything of the kind, I haven't said a simngle thing about being anti male or entitlement to anything, hence my calling your replies strange outbursts.

I don't agree with labelling him a creep on non existent evidence. That's it. If you want to disagree with that then do so but don't attribute some made up opinions to me and then have the audacity to label me as an MRA to shut me down.