To have ignored my neighbour?

[Cheery1004]

I've lived in my property for just over a year now. He is in the house next to mine. Over the year we have just exchanged a couple of hellos.
His ora just unsettles me.

Recently I pulled up he was outside I walked around to get.my son in the car, he hi. I got my son out turned around and he was waiting in his drive for me. Started going on about my son getting bigger.

A few weeks back I pulled up and I sent a quick text he tapped on my window and asked if I could help jump start his car. I said yes obviously as it was the nice thing to do. We couldn't get it started and he said something was wrong with my connection (it werent) so someone else pulled up and I asked him if he could help after saying to my neighbour numerous times oh maybe he can help you. As my son was asleep in the car and it was a hot day! I felt like he could have asked other people pulling up.
He then said thanks and he would trim my garden for me. I just said Thanks but not to worry that's not needed.

My DF then put up a gate for me and DS. He popped up and peered over the fence, spoke a tiny bit but was mainly being nosy. He then commented about me doing hard graft like he knew me. Both my parents said they felt awkward and he reminded them of a creepy relative we have. I agreed because that is who he reminds me of!
Just now I went outside to empty the Hoover and banged the filter outside for all of 30 secs. He appears at the fence and says if you're gonna bang it bang it and laughed. I just walked off and went inside.

AIBU to have ignored him? I value my privacy. And don't want to feel like every time I go outside he is about to make a comment. He is only a lodger and said he hasn't lived here for long but he was here before I moved in.

I too am a former believer in listening to your gut so if he makes you uneasy then avoid him as best you can. Some people give me the creeks and others don't get it and I can't explain it. However, as a general observation (creepiness aside), I think it's very sad that being neighbourly is frowned upon by some. My neighbours are friends and as a single mum I've been able to rely on them many times when I've needed help with various things. I 'pay them back' with a home-cookedI meal, some homemade treats, wine, looking after their children or whatever return favour they need. I'd be lost without them and love the community feel of our road.

However, as a general observation (creepiness aside), I think it's very sad that being neighbourly is frowned upon by some.
See that’s the misconception in this thread. No one is frowning on neighbourlyness. What is being frowned upon is a woman being told to ignore her instincts and suck it up because he is ‘being neighbourly’ and lives next door and therefore in the eyes of MN must be ‘harmless’. We are neighbourly with our neighbours. The ones that there is an amicable exchange, conversation, maybe a collaborative effort on the shared fence with and the ones that feel more comfortable with just saying ‘morning’ and going about their day. I’m not over there begging to cut their hedge or trying to make friends with their parents.

Firm believer! Not former!

Your neighbour’s sexual innuendos (trim your garden, if you’re going to bang it, bang it,) would annoy me too OP. I would tell him to bugger off next time he does it.

Id like to add I'm not against being neighbourly as I've said I speak to the lady next door and I've spoke to a few others briefly. I don't want to be best friends with them just be polite and friendly but I feel he is overstepping that as I've made it clear I don't want to be overly friendly and just keep it polite. He clearly isn't taking that hint

This may be the most bonkers thread.

The amount of people imagining shit. Trying to make friends with her parents? Telling her how to feel? There every time she goes out? Must be harmless?

Seriously get a grip, he lives next door, he's communicated about four times, if she doesn't like him and he gives her the creeps, fair enough. We can't tell body language or tone as she says, but trying to pretend people have said shit they haven't or that he's doing stuff he's not is fucking bonkers,

Trying to make friends with her parents.

Fuck me.

Who said trying to make friends with my parents? 😂 he weren't they spoke for 5 mins tops.

Slightly I meant in general, not on this thread.

I’m not over there begging to cut their hedge or trying to make friends with their parents

Apparantly he begged to cut your hedge, was over their trying to make friends with your parents, was lying in wait for you in the dark, and oh yeah, he purposefully tried to scare you and make you jump.

It's fucking nuts.

There was a thread on here the other day about an overly-"friendly" neighbour! I think women are conditioned to be polite when we don't really need to be. He sounds annoying and I think you should trust your gut instinct. Good luck! X

But but imagine the poor chap with learning disabilities whose birthday noone attended and his dad was crying. Maybe this neighbor is similarly misunderstood

I don't understand how anyone can link this to being unneighbourly

We have regular drinks with our neighbours and help each other with stuff

But the resident pervert is excluded. If your gut screams "keep away" from someone, you do.

I understand your creep radar is alerted by him OP, but the fact is his interaction with you has been minimal in the year that you have lived next door to him.
You would have cause for concern if he was pestering you for conversation, but he isn't from your description.
So, just keep on being polite but frosty, and forget it.

But the resident pervert is excluded

Good god. Now he's a pervert?

Our resident pervert began with behaviour just like this guy

Then escalated to touching up women whenever he could

He'd love a comment like "if you're going to bang it, bang it".

So yes, we exclude him from drinks and pretty much no one talks to him any more. I think even the mgmt co know he's a pervert. But he behaved that way, so he has the reputation he deserves.

Sorry op I am waffling - short version is, really do listen to your gut if you don't want to get grabbed. All the women in my block were kicking ourselves for being so nice initially, and like I said on the other thread, he even harassed a teen girl at the corner shop.

Sounds like sexual innuendos to me too, avoid the creeper.

I didn’t get sexual iniendos at all. In fact, when our neighbour is hammering something into the wall I’ve turned to my partner and said, along the lines of “if he wants to break through the wall, just break through it” I’ve also said similar to if you’re going to bang it just bang it. It’s a joke about actually making a loud noise when you already are. It’s not particularly funny, granted but some people like the humour.

@Cheery1005

Read this OP from the book 'The Gift of fear.'

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear

Forced Teaming. This is when a person implies that they have something in common with their chosen victim, acting as if they have a shared predicament when that isn't really true. Speaking in "we" terms is a mark of this, i.e. "We don't need to talk outside... Let's go in."

Charm and Niceness. This is being polite and friendly to a chosen victim in order to manipulate him or her by disarming their mistrust.

Too many details. If a person is lying they will add excessive details to make themselves sound more credible to their chosen victim.

Typecasting. An insult is used to get a chosen victim who would otherwise ignore one to engage in conversation to counteract the insult. For example: "Oh, I bet you're too stuck-up to talk to a guy like me." The tendency is for the chosen victim to want to prove the insult untrue.

Loan Sharking. Giving unsolicited help to the chosen victim and anticipating they'll feel obliged to extend some reciprocal openness in return.

The Unsolicited Promise. A promise to do (or not do) something when no such promise is asked for; this usually means that such a promise will be broken. For example: an unsolicited, "I promise I'll leave you alone after this," usually means the chosen victim will not be left alone. Similarly, an unsolicited "I promise I won't hurt you" usually means the person intends to hurt their chosen victim.

Discounting the Word "No". Refusing to accept rejection.

All of this sounds like your creepy male neighbour.

Trust your instincts. And know that he would not be behaving like this if you were a man. He knows you are more vulnerable and he is playing on it.

Ignore the people on here trying to play it down and dismiss you and take the piss out of you. I am fucked off with seeing people saying if THEY wouldn't have a problem with it, then YOU have no right to. So fucking arrogant!

If this kind of thing was happening to them or their sister or daughter - a man being over friendly and freaking them out, it would be a different matter. Ignore the naysayers. It's not happening to them - it's happening to you.

You can tell the posters who do not like people having a different opinion to them. They keep repeating that the thread is 'bonkers' and mocking and scoffing and acting like anyone who disagrees with them is an idiot!

Upshot is, the OP feels uncomfortable in the presence of this man. If any women on here feels GREAT in the company of hairy arsed bikers, big pistons, men walking with them in a dark alley, men gawking at them over the fence and making innuendo, a man they barely know asking personal questions, or a man who looks at your tits instead of your face when he's talking to you, then fucking bully for you. But this is not how the OP feels. So quit dismissing and minimising how she feels. It's making you look foolish, sanctimonious, and arrogant.

Cheery1004 . Trust your gut, if he gives you the creeps just try to avoid and keep to polite replies if you can't avoid him.

It's incredibly weird how overinvested some people are in demanding young women give much older men their attention, regardless of their own feelings and comfort level

So if he was, er age-appropriate, whatever the fuck that means, she should acquiesce? Or is fending off unwanted attentions to be directed only at the chronologically enhanced?

What if he was a really hot young guy? Be okay then would it?

Haven't rtft so if I've missed a drip feed along the way apologies, but maybe he's just a bit lonely and looking for some human interaction?

He's seeking you out OP whether for conversation or because he is a weirdo who knows but head down no eye contact and ignore. Maybe try and find a bit more out about him from other neighbours or send your DM to interrogate him if she's anything like my DM .
There is no way i'd let a stranger or infact anyone but car competent family jump their car off mine-Done incorrectly it can wreck your engine.

Thanks everyone for your different opinions. As I've said a few times it did make me feel uncomfortable so I don't appreciate people trying to tell me how being silly for feeling that way. As it's hard to tell how the interaction went without being there.
Thinking back to when I helped jump start his car I just felt so uncomfortable. And it's since then he has tried speaking to me more. He ignored me when I said that guy over there said he would help once he's put some stuff away in him house.

Also I don't feel his "bang it" comment was said in a sexual way. Just trying to speak to me and he funny. And it werent. He knew I didn't see him as I was banging the filter so knew he would make me jump.